Mastering Work-Life Balance

Finding a balance between work and your personal life can prove to be a challenging task.  In analytical or technical work, it can be difficult to transition from the mindset needed at work to connecting in relationships at home.  In relational work like teaching, engaging with one more person after work can be exhausting.  Stressful jobs that tax us emotionally can make it difficult for us to stay present at home or feel motivated to pursue personal interests or relationships.  Financial concerns intensify these issues because of pressure to perform and keep our jobs in order to pay the bills.  With time, this can create chronic stress. 

For many of us who have transitioned to working from home during the COVID-19 pandemic, boundaries between work life and home life become harder to maintain.  Technology allows us to be accessible at all hours and can blur the lines between work and family.  Eliminating the commute may have created a loss of time spent decompressing or unplugging from work stress before arriving home.

Balancing work and personal life isn’t just a challenge for those who are married with families.  Single adults may find themselves isolating more from their friendships.  Married couples without kids or empty nesters can miss out on connection with their spouses.  Single parents may become disconnected or irritable with their children.

It doesn’t help that we live in a Western culture that defines our worth by what we produce, and most of what we produce is done in our work.  On average, we spend 40 hours a week working, but when those 40 hours feel like the only place we can find a sense of value, we’re tempted to work longer hours or to become consumed by stress as we seek to maintain this sense of worth.  Our work leaves us too exhausted to complete other activities to feel a sense of accomplishment elsewhere.  In the worst-case scenario, we can become burned out and unable to work at all, experience mental health issues, or permanently damage our relationships.

What is work-life balance?

Work-life balance involves separating work-related stresses and concerns from our personal lives.  This involves setting external boundaries around work, such as limiting work hours or disconnecting from technology at home.  It can also require internal mindset shifts away from thinking about work while at home or with family.

Achieving the ideal of work-life balance is tricky. For some, it feels impossible.  To a certain degree, this is true.  Balance, by definition, is something that we can never achieve, but we strive toward by taking intentional actions to honor our personal values.

Strategies for Creating Work-Life Balance

Don’t let your work be the only thing that defines you.

Think about when you’re meeting someone for the first time.  Often one of the first questions you ask is something like this: what do you do?  Where do you work?  It can become so easy to define ourselves and one another by our work.  When we love our job and find fulfillment from it, that is great.  But when our identity gets lost in our work, that can be a problem. 

This is a particular issue if your work creates stress or dissatisfaction.  If work is the source of your identity and value, but you’re experiencing negative feedback from your supervisor or criticism from your colleagues, you’re more likely to feel devastated by those experiences.

As you seek other ways to define yourself, consider what you value, what is important to you. Is it your faith? Your relationships with family? Perhaps it is a hobby or area of interest. Let the picture of who you are become more fully realized as you explore the aspects of who you are outside of work.

Create a ritual for entering and leaving work.

Before you settle in to begin work, start out your day with a ritual that will get your mind in work mode.  For example, you could spend the first five minutes of your workday with a quick mindfulness breathing exercise.  You can use an app like Headspace for a guided meditation.  Other ideas for rituals might be brewing a favorite cup of coffee or tea, lighting a candle or starting a diffuser, praying through your day, greeting everyone in your office, or doing a few stretches before sitting at your desk.

When you’ve finished work for the day, end your workday with a closure ritual.  One example might be writing down three things you were grateful for that day.  Other closure rituals might be verbally appreciating a coworker for something they’ve done, powering down your technology, turning your phone and email on do not disturb, listening to a music playlist on your commute, spending five to ten minutes journaling about your feelings from the day, visualizing a container to hold your work-related worries until the next day, going for a walk, or changing out of work clothes into more relaxing clothes. 

Explore and maintain hobbies and relationships outside of work.

Diving into activities outside of work helps you to define yourself by your interests rather than just what you do from 9 to 5.  Find a hobby that is life-giving for you or gives you a sense of flow. Pursue meetups or social events around the hobbies you enjoy.

Often, our friends come from our workplaces, so it can become common practice to talk about work when you’re spending time together outside of the office. However, this can perpetuate the stress you feel about work and blur those boundaries between work and home life. Consider requesting to make work talk “off-limits” when spending time with these friends.

Maintain your health through good self-care.

Consider various aspects of your health that are influenced by how you take care of yourself in your personal time.  Some of these areas might include physical health, spiritual health, emotional health, and relationships.

Maintaining a regular, consistent exercise routine can improve many different aspects of your mood. Starting out with a 10-minute walk or a quick yoga session can make a big difference. 

Find your people who can listen when you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed and need to vent, or who can help distract you from work stress by having fun together.  Schedule time intentionally with these people in your life, including your spouse and children.  It may sometimes feel like scheduling that time makes it feel less authentic, but it communicates that those people are a priority in your life.

Exploring your spiritual life can help you find greater meaning in the work you’re doing, provide comfort and support through the stress of a crazy work situation, or inspire you to pursue purpose in volunteering or giving to others.  Get involved at your local church or other religious organization that will help you grow in spiritual self-care.

If you’re starting to feel on the edge of burnout or have a hard time with this balance or boundaries, seek out counseling or other emotional support as an act of self-care.

Turn away from escaping behaviors and turn toward refreshing behaviors.

For many, decompressing after a long day at work looks like binge-watching TV, playing games or phone apps for hours, or compulsively shopping online.  These can provide a temporary high or escape from the stress of work. But they don’t create real rest, often feel more draining, or can develop into addictive patterns.  Similarly, using alcohol or drugs to check out after a long day can have harmful effects.  These behaviors might provide a temporary escape, but they aren’t restoring your energy or preparing you for the workday ahead.

Instead, ask yourself what really recharges you.  Is it more sleep?  Prioritize going to bed earlier for a few nights and notice how that impacts your stress levels at work.  Is it talking with your spouse?  Ask them to turn off the TV tonight and talk or do an activity together.  Is it reading?  Cooking?  Gardening?  Organizing your closet?  Make time to do those tasks.

Shift your mindset around work.

Often we feel dread around the tasks that face us at work.  The term “Sunday scaries” captures this well, referring to the experience of anxiety or dread that arises in you on Sundays as you consider the work week ahead. 

Instead of thinking of all the things we “have to” do for work and the stress that goes with that, consider changing your mindset to what you “get to” do, which changes the narrative to one of gratitude for what you have.  Teachers get to influence the lives of the students they teach. Counselors get to help their clients through a crisis.  Scientists get to do work that could cure an illness.  Doctors get to create health and wellness in their communities.  More broadly, those of us who are working get to have a job when so many can’t find work and are struggling to make ends meet.

Set boundaries.

One perk of many flexible workplaces today is that you have the ability to set your own schedule.  But one downside is that, without the built-in boundaries of clocking in and out at a certain time, you end up working longer hours than you would otherwise or completing “one more email” at home, which turns into another hour of work.  Set boundaries around your specific work hours and intentionally distance yourself from work once those hours are over.

When you are done with work for the day, leave your work at work.  Don’t check a few more emails when you get home: instead, consider turning off your phone or computer or storing it in a location away from you.  Talk with your boss about limiting when you’re available to take calls or emails.  Make sure your coworkers know that you aren’t available after a certain time of day.  You may choose to put an email auto-reply up as an extra reminder.  Honestly evaluate what you can commit to at work and have conversations with your supervisors if you think you’ve taken on too much.

Setting boundaries applies at home as well.  If there’s too much on your plate at home, talk with your partner about sharing some responsibilities.  If your partner is also strapped for time, or if you are single, consider delegating tasks like a cleaning service when you don’t have the time available.

If you feel that you can’t set boundaries, ask yourself why.  It may be for a legitimate reason, like being on-call at hospital or having a specific busy season in which you work long hours for a short period of time.  But sometimes the fear of setting boundaries has nothing to do with the job itself.  It can be a personal hang-up based on past experiences, a fear of losing your job, or avoiding rejection.  This belief pattern may need to be tested by setting a few boundaries and seeing what happens.

If you are consistently told by supervisors that you are not allowed to say no or set reasonable boundaries in your workplace, however, you might be in a toxic work environment.  Talk with a counselor or human resources representative to see if your experience is concerning and consider pursuing another job.

Do a little at a time.

There are lots of potential practical applications in this article, and if you attempted to take them on all at once, you would likely be overwhelmed with just one more thing on your already overfilled plate.  Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed in this way.  Instead, pick one item that stands out to you from the list above and make a commitment to that habit for 30 days.  See how well you’re able to carry it out and the impact that it has at the end of that time period and decide if you want to continue that practice or try a different habit.

Creating Hope in Chaos: A Therapist's Guide to Thriving During the COVID-19 Crisis

The current upheaval to many of our daily lives as a result of the COVID-19 outbreak is something we as a society have never experienced before.  Every person is affected directly or indirectly, by stay-at-home orders, closures of stores and restaurants, financial shifts, and the spread of the illness.  It’s easy for those who do not typically struggle with anxiety or depression to feel the stress of this moment in the world.

This makes the call to care for our mental health that much more important.  But how can we do that when many of us are stuck at home?  Here are a few ideas that may help you not only to get through this crisis, but perhaps to begin to thrive in the midst of and as a result of it.  Engaging in items on this list can create opportunities to change the way you approach your life for the long-term.

Reducing Anxiety

Limit your media intake. The public health crisis is constantly changing.  Every news media outlet is producing massive amounts of coverage of anything and everything having to do with the coronavirus.  It makes sense that many of us would want to follow these updates through the news.  But this can easily turn into constantly checking headlines or social media, feeling our anxiety rise with the second.

Create a limit for yourself on how much time you’ll spend on social media, news websites, or even watching TV coverage of coronavirus.  Choose a certain time of day when you will check and set a boundary to limit how long you’ll read or watch.

Incorporate deep breathing and meditation practices. Breathing and meditation can be a helpful way to calm the panic response that surfaces with anxiety.  If you notice yourself experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety, focus on taking a few deep breaths, allowing the air to move down into your abdomen.

Guided meditations, which can be found on YouTube or through various apps, can be helpful to direct your mind to focus on your breath.  Many of these resources offer options for children as well.  For example, many mobile guided meditation apps such as Headspace and Sanvello are offering free access to services during the crisis. 

Practice gratitude. One of the greatest protections against anxiety is to focus on appreciating what you currently have.  Spend time daily reflecting on areas of your life for which you can be grateful.  If this crisis has allowed you more time to spend with family or focusing on tasks at home, find thankfulness in that.  Begin a list or a gratitude journal that helps you consistently keep track of the positives in your circumstance. 

Self-Care

Go outside. Even if you are in a community that has required its citizens to stay at home during this crisis, those orders often allow for physical activity outside.  Use this extra time to go for a walk or run.  Take your kids out on a bike ride or walk around the neighborhood.  Play or relax in your yard together.  Spending time in nature offers a multitude of mental health benefits, so why not take advantage of those now?

Practice active rest. Much of the reaction I’ve seen from people who have the privilege of being able to work from home is to rejoice in the fact that they get to catch up on their Netflix queues.  While there’s nothing wrong with watching a good show from time to time, spending a whole day bingeing on TV can lead to feelings of guilt or lethargy.  You might not have done anything during the day, but you still feel exhausted, whether from staying up too late watching your shows or the strain of so much screen time.

Instead of doing those things that seem like rest but are actually draining, lean into habits that provide actual rest for you.  Allow yourself to sleep in or take a nap.  Read a good book.  Pray, spend time reading the Bible, or practice other spiritual self-care.  Spend lazy hours talking with your loved ones or playing board games.  Letting your mind and body catch up on rest from the frenzied pace of normal life can be an incredible blessing during this season.

Exercise. As mentioned earlier, walking or running outside is an easy way to get out of the house while still following guidelines for health and safety of others.  Get into the practice of taking a short walk daily.  If you’re used to a commute to work, “walking” to work by strolling around the block can be an easy way to set boundaries at the start and end of your work-from-home day. 

What if you usually go to the gym to get in your exercise?  Look for opportunities to do those same exercises from home.  Free videos on YouTube (like Yoga with Adriene) or subscription programs (like OpenFit) offer at-home workouts that you can do from the safety of your living room.

Social Connection

Call a loved one every day.  Just because we’re “social distancing” doesn’t mean that we have to cut off all connection with the people we love.  I was inspired by a recent blog post by Marnie Ferree to get out my phone and call one of my loved ones on a daily basis.  This can be a family member, friend, coworker, or other member of your community that can help you feel connected within the craziness. Reach out to someone you haven’t connected with for some time and catch up on how they’re doing, offering your empathy and support in response.

Write notes of encouragement. Have you ever received a handwritten note in the mail?  It can be heartwarming to receive words of encouragement.  Why not spread the love during this time with the extra minutes we may have in our day?  Write notes to medical professionals who need support, friends who you know are feeling financial strain, or just to maintain connection with those you love. 

Have a family game night or scavenger hunt. The busy pace of life can prevent families from being able to spend quality time together on a more regular basis.  This period of extended time at home creates an opportunity for family members who don’t often get to see one another to spend quality time together.  As tempting as it may be to all sit in front of your individual screens, coordinate an evening where you play a game together or create a scavenger hunt through the yard or neighborhood for different items.

Use technology creatively to connect.  Video messaging platforms have allowed people to continue to connect when they are thousands of miles apart, so of course they can be used to connect with people who are just down the street.  Have a coffee date with a friend by brewing your own cups and then sitting down to chat.  “Go out” for drinks with your friends virtually.  Play a cooperative game with friends on a video gaming console or with various apps that allow you to connect in different locations.

Volunteer or donate. As a follow-up to the gratitude practice, you  may find yourself recognizing how blessed you are in comparison with others.  Although it may seem like you can’t do much while you are cooped up at home, there are plenty of ways you can serve and bless those who are dealing with more difficult circumstances.  Many local charities are accepting financial or material donations to support those in need.  Hospitals and medical facilities are accepting donations of certain medical supplies.  Many food pantries are still open and collecting dry goods.  If you have extra disinfecting wipes, hand sanitizer, or even toilet paper to share, consider offering it to neighbors of yours who may not have those supplies.

Notice the Positive

Reflect on what you’re learning. Ask yourself what you may be learning or observing during this drastic change in circumstances.  Can this new perspective or knowledge impact the way you live your life in the future?  How might you want to change our daily habits as a result?  For instance, perhaps you’ve enjoyed having extended time with your household and want to make that a priority in the future.  Perhaps you’ve discovered a new hobby or interest that will shape how you spend your leisure time once this crisis has passed.  

Focus on others. Often, this goes hand-in-hand with the suggestion of volunteering time or donating supplies.  When you shift your gaze to others who are in need, you are more likely to feel grateful for what you have and relieved of anxiety.  Pray for those in your community specifically, and ask others who you might pray for them.  Identify ways you can love or bless the people in your community using a strategy listed above.

Search for acts of kindness. The moments that have floored me most throughout this crisis have been the acts of kindness I’ve witnessed that offer hope and joy to others in the midst of chaos.  Keep your eyes open for ways in which your community might be carrying out some of these gestures. Brainstorm ways you might be able to participate in those acts of kindness.  Search for lists of ideas or become inspired by news coverage of these choices people are making to bring hope. 

Being Instead of Doing: How to Accept Grace and Release the Pressure to Accomplish More

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase, “being instead of doing”?

We live in a culture and a country that prizes achievement and success, which we attribute to working hard.  The “American dream” promises that hard work and sacrifice will bring you happiness and fulfillment.  I think about all the books and blogs out there about productivity and getting things done.  We are encouraged to “hustle.”  We wear 50 to 60-hour work-weeks as badges of pride.  “Doing,” and always “doing more,” is glorified. When something is broken, we want to find a solution, fix it, and make it better.

“Doing” can also look like filling our time to escape from painful emotions or experiences. You can numb out by watching TV, eating, shopping, or any other type of behavior that takes your mind off your present reality, but those behaviors often still leave you feeling drained.  You may not be achieving goals, but you’re still not allowing yourself to “be.”

I am someone who struggles with the idea of resting or waiting.  I feel much more secure and in control when I do something productive.

What are some ways you tend to get caught up in this attitude of “doing”?

As a therapist in private practice, I feel this pressure to “hustle,” both for the sake of my business and for the best care for my clients.  This drive to achieve can be a good thing in small doses – until I push it beyond what I can handle.  It can warp into pressure to work hard that can either paralyze me or drive me into the ground.  It can lead to perfectionism, overwork, and ultimately to burnout.

Like most behaviors we come back to in our lives, keeping busy with work serves us somehow.  We wouldn’t do it if there weren’t some benefit.  Maybe it’s the pride of accomplishment, the sense of control and order it gives us, or the approval of others.  Or maybe you’re constantly doing something because you’re running or avoiding.

How might you fill in this blank: “If I constantly keep myself busy, I won’t have time to stop and think about _________”?  You can run away from your own awareness of your weakness and neediness by chasing achievement and accolades.  You can run away from your loneliness or desires by working for the approval of others.  You can even run away from the responsibility that comes with success by filling your time with purposeless activity.

What might you be running from when you’re “doing”?

As I sit, listen, and “be” with my clients, what I notice is I am much more alive and authentic than I would be if I were trying to fix them.  I often find that my clients can perceive this attitude, and they are more willing to be genuine themselves. This idea applies with relationships in your life as well.  As you sit and empathize with friends or family, being present with them instead of thinking of what you’ll say next or what advice you’ll give them, you are bringing more of your true self and presence to the conversation.  This can extend to work too: how many times have you puzzled over the solution to a problem for hours, and the answer comes to you when you’re not thinking about it?

As a therapist, I can feel pressure to be perfect or “enough” for my clients.  To say exactly the right words, or to offer the perfect response.  I can feel the pressure to have all the right training and education, to get the PhD, or to know all the answers.  There is freedom in realizing that I will never be perfect.  On my own strength, I will never be enough for my clients or for the people around me.  And when I give up trying to be perfect and instead offer myself as a fellow traveler and support to clients or to other relationships in my life, I’m much more genuine and authentic to my true identity.

How would it change your relationships if you could be more authentic with the people you love?

We have to make an intentional choice to “be” instead of “do.”  Personally, I had to make this choice while writing this post.  My original intention was to stay up late and get it done so that I’d have it completed by my deadline.  But in order to do that, I’d be missing needed sleep and down time.  Instead, I chose to spend the evening resting and wrote the post the next day, even thought that meant it would be posted later than I intended.

How can you start to make this intentional choice in your life?  Practice mindfulness.  Rest.  Play.  Take a nap.  Read a book.  Take a leisurely walk.  Pray.  Sleep in.  Give yourself permission to take a break, to simply “be.”

What does it look like in your life to “be” instead of “do”?  How can you embody this in your life this week? 

This article was originally posted on May 12, 2017.

Mastering the Art of Play

When we were kids, our main objective in the world was to play.  We could spend hours traipsing through the outdoors, creating our own games and imagining stories we’d act out with our friends.  But somewhere along the line, that sense of play was slowly overtaken by work –schoolwork, university, careers, and family life.

According to the Google, the verb “play” is defined as “engaging in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.”  As adults, this time can feel wasted or pointless because nothing is accomplished. 

But we need to bring play back into our lives.  There’s a simplicity to the idea of play that is missing from adult life.  When we were children at play, we weren’t worried about anything other than the game or the imagined story in which we found ourselves.

There is an inherent value to engaging in play.  Play is an expression of freedom where I choose what I want to do right now and stop my play when it is no longer fun or enjoyable.  In this freedom, we experience greater creativity.  Children are encouraged to engage in play as a therapeutic technique to help them process pain and trauma they’ve experienced.

Oftentimes, play gets confused with leisure time, defined by distraction, disengagement, and emotional disconnection.  This is a sign that we’re using our leisure time to escape instead of rest.  In contrast, when you watch a child at play, you can see how engaged and curious they become in whatever exists around them, even if it seems trivial or unimportant.

Here are a few ideas to get you started on how to incorporate play in your life.

Remind yourself of how you used to play.

Over the course of time, we can lose touch with the playful spirit we had as children.  Dan Allender, in a series of podcasts on play, names a few questions to consider when you think about this topic.  What games do you enjoy playing?  What activities do you engage in that bring a sense of joy?  What did you used to play as a child that you enjoyed?

Be a kid on summer vacation again.

Think about all the ways you used to play in the summertime as a child.  What were some of the activities you loved?  Playgrounds and swings?  Exploring in the woods?  Schoolyard games?  Swimming in the lake?  Drawing with chalk?  Flying a kite?  Playing pick-up soccer or football?  Spend an afternoon doing some of these things!

Go to a museum or park designed for children and explore.

Some of my favorite memories of class field trips or family day trips involved visiting a zoo or a children’s science museum.  There was always so much to see and do, and I’d always learn something new.  Visit one of these parks or museums that you loved as a child with a curious and playful attitude.

Do a summer reading challenge.

As a lifelong book nerd, I always loved tearing through books as a kid to win a prize at our local library for amount of books read.  Many libraries have now extended the fun for adults and have broadened the ways you can earn points to include exploring the library buildings themselves, writing reviews for books, or attending library events.  I’ve joined in on the Ann Arbor District Library summer game for the past few years, which has plenty of options for fun and encourages me to attend community events I may not know about otherwise.

Throw a kid-themed party!

Friends’ birthday parties were always some of the highlights of the summer growing up.  Typically these parties involved themes, games, favors, and all the candy you could eat.  Invite your friends to a party and have a water balloon or water gun fight, get a piñata, or play children’s games like pin the tail on the donkey.

Learn from a child in your life.

Spend a day with a toddler or kid in your life, whether it’s your own child, a niece or nephew, or a friend’s child.  As you interact with them throughout the day, pay attention to how they view the world around them with curiosity and a sense of play.  Find ways to imitate that childlike spirit in your own life.

As you start to incorporate play into your life, pay attention to what emotions you feel.  You might find yourself distracted by embarrassment or shame.  You might feel silly or childish.  This is normal, especially at first, because play isn’t always encouraged in our day to day.  Observe your emotions, give yourself space to feel them, and know that the more you practice play, the more natural it becomes.

How will you begin to play this week?

This article was originally posted on June 24, 2017.

A Toddler’s Guide to Mindfulness

Have you ever watched what toddlers do or listened to what they talk about?  There’s something special about the way children interact with the world.  As adults, we can become consumed by timelines and schedules and priorities.  But those things don’t matter to kids – they see things through different eyes.

Before I became a therapist, I worked for a few years as a childcare provider for young children.  One 2-year-old I watched was notorious for getting easily distracted – a simple walk along the sidewalk could take what felt like ages, as he would stop every few feet to point out an insect, pick up a rock, or comment on the leaves scattered around the neighbor’s yard.

One day, I followed him up the stairs so he could get dressed, chatting about what we were going to do that morning.  In my mind, I was planning each step for our entire day, almost by the minute.  To be honest, I was rushing him a bit too.  (We were going upstairs, which is always a several minute production for a toddler learning to climb...and always having to do everything without my help.)

I started listing off our plans for the day.  "Okay, after we get dressed we're going to get ready to drive in the car, and then we're going to go to Target to get something and look at the Christmas trees, and then we'll have our playdate, and then..."  The little one suddenly stopped on the stairs and said, "NO."  I assumed he meant he didn't want to leave the house, so I started reminding him of all the fun things we were going to do and how he would have to leave in order to do those things.  He stopped me again, and said:

"No.  Getting dressed upstairs."

And it hit me.

While I was fluttering around thinking about all the things we were going to do that day, this little one was focused on the one thing right in front of him.

Which was, evidently, going upstairs to get dressed.  Honestly, I was probably overwhelming him by hitting him with all these plans and ideas when he could only handle thinking about one thing at a time.

How often do we do this in our lives?  We mentally jump so far ahead into the future and end up trying to juggle thinking about 27 things at once.  For me, it can start simply, where I'm thinking about whatever's coming next in my day.  Or it can happen on a long-term level, where I analyze my career or my relationships.  Or deeper still than that: I can feel such concern over my dreams and ambitions, or my fears of failure, or not measuring up to a professional or spiritual standard.  These worries can cripple me in a place of discouragement and hopelessness at my lack of progress.

And just like this 2-year-old, if I let all those worries flood into my mind, I get overstimulated, overwhelmed, and I shut down.

This moment spoke a truth to me that I needed to embrace at that point in my life: just stop.  Stop trying to figure out every detail.  Stop trying to think about the next big thing, the next stage I want to enter in life, or all those questions that I feel the need to have answered.  Let go of the obsessive anxiety and attempts at gaining control over my circumstances, which I think will keep me safe and protect me from harm.  The pride I had in believing I could control my life was being shaken by the wisdom of a toddler.

The truth reinforced in me that day was this: when we become caught up in negative thoughts about the past, or worries about the future, we lose sight of the beauty of the present moment.  We miss all that is happening right in front of us when we’re caught up in those stresses.  While planning and creating a vision for the future has a time and place, on a day-to-day basis, it is important to take things just one step at a time.  When we choose to be mindful of the present moment, we experience fewer negative emotions, less stress, increased focus and memory, less emotional reactivity, happier relationships, and plenty of other health benefits.

When I walk in the present moment of life, I feel so much more gratitude for the things around me.  I experience the grace that comes with knowing I don't have to have it all together, and I don't have to be perfect or achieve all the things I desire to achieve in my life.   And I can rest in the simplicity of life where I'm not always rushing ahead to the next thing and trying my hardest to control every outcome.

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34 (NLT)

Who knew a 2-year-old would have a wiser outlook on life than I would.

One step at a time.

This article was originally posted on February 9, 2017.

Self-Care Saturdays: Revitalize Your Relationship With God

In light of Easter this past weekend, I’ve been reflecting on my personal experience of fostering relationship with God the past several years.  I’ve walked spiritual ruts and struggled to find the motivation or energy to connect with God.  I’ve had moments of joy and delight in my spiritual life as well.  As we know from Steps Two and Three in 12 Step recovery, relationship with God is a crucial component of healing and redemption.

What does relationship with God look like for you?

I love the terminology of relationship with God. I worry that others might see my faith as a type of religious exercise: I go to church, read my Bible, and “do the right thing.”  It feels like a checklist of what being religious means.  Sadly, it’s easy to miss the depth of my relationship with God, which is infinitely more valuable and motivating than any dry list of rules.

When I put my spiritual life in the context of relationship rather than rules, it takes on an entirely different flavor.  Relationship with God makes Him real to me.  I can grow closer to Him, learn more about Him, share my hopes and dreams, and feel comforted and cared for by Him.  In the Bible, God personifies Himself and uses relationships on earth as examples of His relationship with us. 

In moments when I am struggling with anxiety or depression, it isn’t a set of rules or following a religious structure that keeps me sane.  It’s trusting in a God who I know loves me and desires good for me, even when the good He gives doesn’t always match up with what I want.  It is a God who sees me, hears me, knows me, and provides for me as He says in Scripture.  When I open my eyes up to that God, I truly want to get to know Him better.

How do I get to know God in this way?

There have been books upon books written about spiritual disciplines, or ways that we can attempt to know God more fully.  (The Celebration of Discipline* by Richard Foster and Discovering Our Spiritual Identity* by Trevor Hudson are two personal favorites of mine.) I am certainly no expert on spiritual disciplines, but I can share ideas to jump start your relationship with God.

Identify what’s in the way of relating to God and submit it to Him.

What do you put in the place of God in your life?  What are the areas of your life that give you value, identity, or worth?  What, if taken away from you, would devastate you to the point where you wouldn’t feel like you could go on?  We all have a tendency to put things before God in our lives.  Timothy Keller calls this tendency idolatry, defining it by saying “it means turning a good thing into an ultimate thing.”

When I realize my heart's tendency to drift away from God toward other sources of identity or purpose, I can tell I’m moving toward idolatry.  When money, power, comfort, success, relationships, or any other area of my life becomes a higher priority than my relationship with God, I know I need to take a step back.  I need to acknowledge that each of those areas is a gift and a blessing from God, and not worship it in place of God.  I need to know that my value comes from my relationship with God alone, not from these areas.  An impactful resource in realizing my own struggles in this area has been the book Idol Lies* by Dee Brestin. 

Interact with the Word of God.

In order for us to have a relationship with God, we need to know Him.  The most straightforward way God has revealed Himself to us is through His word.  Bible study and reading is a regular way to get to know God.  But sometimes, reading the Bible can feel like a chore.

To break out of that rut, I’ve enjoyed reading the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) as if I’m getting to know the person of Jesus.  Take some time to imagine yourself in the scenes: what would it feel like to watch the crowds gathering around Jesus?  What would go through your mind when you saw him give blind men their sight, or heal the crippled?  Would you try to get close to Him?  What would you say to Him, if you could?

Meditating on Scripture can be another great practice to help you engage with the Bible.  Choose a passage or verse that speaks to you, and reflect on it in prayer.  Journal about it.  Practice lectio divina, a reflection practice walking through stages of engaging with Scripture.

Pick up a reading plan that works for you.  The Bible app has plenty of resources, but I also have recently been loving the First 5 app.  This resource provides studies and teachings specific to certain books of the Bible, and I appreciate the mix of Bible study and devotional.  I’ve also heard great things about The Bible Project, where each book of the Bible has an illustrated summary video to help you visualize the story in a new way.

Set aside time to rest and be with God, thanking Him and sharing your heart with Him.

Make space in your schedule to pursue relationship with God.  For some, this may look like a daily time set aside for prayer, journaling, and reading Scripture.  For others, this might look like an hour or two on a weekend spent with Jesus.  Maybe you can devote an entire Sabbath day to spend with the Lord.  Set aside time for “dates with Jesus” and spend time doing date-like activities with the Lord.

Prayer is an excellent way to communicate with God, but it doesn’t have to be kneeling down in a pew and saying the Lord’s Prayer.  Talk to God in the way you would talk to your best friend.  Journaling prayers is helpful if your mind tends to drift.  If the weather is nice, go outside and take a prayer walk, thanking God for the beauty of nature around you.

One aspect of prayer that has become more and more vital in my spiritual life has been gratitude.  Expressing gratitude to God for the gifts He’s given to me immediately puts perspective on difficult situations I’m facing or ways I feel unhappy about my life.  Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to foster this awareness of gratitude: no matter how difficult my life circumstance is, I can always make a list of 10 things I am grateful for.

Sacrifice generously to remind yourself that all is a gift.

We live in a world and a culture where we have more at our fingertips than at any time in the past.  Americans are in the upper tier of wealth in the world.  I tend to forget these facts when I’m worried about money or complaining about what I don’t have.  But if I can choose to use my privilege for the good of others through giving generously of my time, talents, and finances, I am reminded of how much I have and how it is all a gift from God.

Another way to access this awareness and gratitude for what we have is through fasting.  I’m not particularly fond of fasting from food: some people can do it well, but my blood sugar tanks and I feel terrible if I don’t eat.  But I can still choose to fast from other things, like coffee, TV, movies, restaurants…you name it.  I can use the time I would normally spend in these areas to spend with God and connect with Him. 

Seek out community with other Christians.

Connecting with other people who are curious about God and desiring to grow spiritually can be an immensely helpful way to build up your spiritual life.  The first step toward community is attending a local church and getting to know the members through volunteering or joining a Bible study.  As you begin to forge relationships with these other believers, you are able to see unique ways God is reflected in them.

As you build these relationships, you can have open and honest conversations with others about relationship with God.  You can share meals together, help one another in times of need, and receive support when you’re going through difficulties.  You can laugh together, cry together, and forge deep relationships that demonstrate the nature of relationship with God.

Invite God into your daily life.

Look for moments throughout your day when you can connect with God.  Maybe you can pray at the same time as completing a routine, mindless daily task, like brushing your teeth or waiting for your coffee to brew.  You can incorporate worship music into your daily commute or workout.  You can listen to sermons while doing busy work or cleaning.  Look for ways in which you can engage with God while you’re doing other tasks.

As a warning: if any of these spiritual practices begin to feel like rules rather than a way to grow closer to God, give them a rest for a time.  Remind yourself that God is the one drawing you to relationship with Him, and that you aren’t responsible for making it happen.  There is nothing that you can do that will make God love you more - these are simply practices intended to lead to to greater awareness of His presence and felt closeness to Him.

How to Take Back Your Time And Live a Life You Love

“I’m too busy.”

“I don’t have any time.”

“I wish there were more hours in the day.”

How many times have you said this?  Have you ever felt like you’ve had way too much on your plate?  Overwhelmed by your schedule and the to-do list each day?

I’ve certainly had these moments in my own life.  As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve found plenty of ways to fill my time with tasks, attempts at living the perfect life, or simply being busy.

Sadly, I believe that being “busy” is a hallmark of status in our world. I have a tendency to answer the question of “how are you?” with “busy,” with a hint of pride in my voice.  If I’m busy, that means I’m productive, I’m doing something worthwhile.  If I’m busy, it means that I have value and worth.

See how insidious that distorted belief is?

Laura Vanderkam is a researcher on time management who has written several books, including I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time.*  For this book, she tracked the lives of busy women who kept week-long time diaries.  She shares some of her interesting findings in this TED talk.

In listening to this talk and reading her book, I had a few different reactions.  First, I felt empowerment to make the most of my days.  It feels freeing to know that I have 72 hours of “free time” each week even if I sleep 8 hours a night and work 40 hours a week.  I like having permission to say no to something that doesn’t fit within my priorities list.

At the same time, I also felt shame surrounding how I currently spend my time.  I know I like to decompress by watching TV or playing a game on my phone.  I keep a clean house, which takes up more time than I’d like.  I enjoy unhurried mornings that involve staying in bed a little longer with a book.  Could I cut back on these activities to make more time?  Sure.  But I’ve also fallen into the trap of feeling as though I always have to be doing something productive with my time, which is exhausting.  Not enough time for rest and refreshment affects my well-being.  I’ve had to learn the importance of prioritizing rest.

Here’s some realistic takeaways I had from this talk that matter in my personal approach toward time management, and I hope will resonate with your personal struggle with time.

I have more time than I think.

When I look at the 168 hours I have in a week and the percentage of that contributed to free time, I am shocked at how much time I have.  I might not be aware that those hours are going by, but if I intentionally sit down to plan out my schedule, it’s clear how much time I actually have.  When I think about priorities or skills I want to be developing, setting aside an hour a week to focus on them suddenly seems doable.

I need to move from the victim mentality (“I’m too busy”) to the attitude of a responsible adult (“It’s not a priority”).

It feels really good to put myself as the victim.  If stress or anxiety in my life is due to circumstances or is someone else’s fault, then I don’t have to take a serious, hard look at what I’m doing to contribute to my own problems.  But if I truly want to make a change, I need to shift my mentality to look at ways I can take responsibility.  I need to acknowledge the reality, as Vanderkam mentions, that how I spend my time is my choice.  Framing time management as a choice helps me to stop making excuses and start implementing the change I desire in my life.

Thinking of the long game is more effective than focusing on the urgent.

I love the exercises Vanderkam mentions in her TED talk that involve looking at longer-term goals for your career and personal life.  As a sensing personality type on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I tend to lose the forest for the trees.  I focus more on the details or what’s right in front of me, which leads me to be distracted by tasks that seem urgent.  It’s a helpful reminder for me to focus on long-term goals as a way of re-centering on the change I want to make.

I have permission to prioritize what’s important to me, not anyone else.

Just because my friend or coworker is focused on climbing the career ladder doesn’t mean that I need to share that same ambition.  Maybe I’m really passionate about spending time with my family, weight-training, or cooking.  My desires of how to spend my time are not better or worse than anyone else’s, and I don’t need to compare myself as a way of minimizing my desires or puffing up with pride.  Instead, I need own my personal priorities and value them as important.

How I spend my time does not reflect on my value or worth.

The fact that we have an entire subculture of books, podcasts, and other media dedicated to productivity means that we have a tendency to value productivity to the point where it becomes an identity.  I notice myself slipping into this mentality if I go down the rabbit hole of productivity media.  I start to feel valuable or worthwhile when I’m being productive, but if I take time to rest and recharge, I feel worthless and lazy.  I heap shame on myself when I’m not being productive enough, and therefore I undervalue my need for rest.  In those moments, I need to step back and remind myself of the truth that my value comes from my relationship with God and who I am, not from my career success or productivity.

Making a weekly schedule with priorities in mind is important.

When in college, I started a habit of keeping a weekly schedule.  I’d write down what classes and activities I had, made a to-do list of tasks I wanted to complete each day, and tried to plan in downtime or rest.  While I’ve had varying degrees of success with this practice over the past several years, I remember how good it felt to have my day planned out for me, rather than having to make little decisions all day about what was important.

In the context of setting priorities, I appreciate Vanderkam’s suggestion to sit down on Fridays and write out your schedule each week, putting your priorities in first.  This empowers me to say that my priorities are the most important part of my planning, and it makes sure that they’re included in the schedule.  It puts things that are a lower priority on the back burner.

How might you implement some of these skills for time management this week?  What are the takeaways you have from Vanderkam's TED talk?

Self-Care Saturdays: Take a Mindful Moment

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays!.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

Mindfulness is a trendy topic mentioned often by psychologists these days.  Over the past few years my curiosity about mindfulness has been peaked, and I’ve tried out meditation, yoga, and other stress-relieving activities to see what all the buzz is about.

And I’ve found that the reason mindfulness is so popular is that it works.

As I’ve been growing my counseling private practice and seeking to achieve balance between my business schedule and personal commitments, I’ve realized that stress is a common factor in my daily life.  Since research has shown that mindfulness benefits healthcare professionals, I thought I’d give it a go.

I picked up a month-long yoga practice this past month on Yoga with Adriene, and I truly believe it has changed my life.  Doing yoga daily creates space for me to intentionally slow down, practice breathing deeply, and grow in conscious awareness of my body and how I hold myself throughout my day.  My goal for the month was to feel better, and I certainly did.

What is mindfulness?  How does it benefit me?

If your concept of mindfulness includes the image of a Buddhist monk sitting cross-legged and letting out a few “om”s, you’re likely not alone.  Mindfulness, however, is a much broader reaching practice than just these examples.  Mindfulness is defined as a state of conscious awareness in the present moment without judgment.  You can practice mindfulness while you’re walking down the street, driving in your car, or playing with your children.

A multitude of studies completed in recent years show all the health benefits of mindfulness.  It reduces stress and improves mood, likely due to slowing down the fight-or-flight stress response.  Mindfulness increases focus and attention, which then links to an improvement in job performance.  It leads to a reduction in symptoms of chronic pain and has shown positive benefits with cancer patients’ recovery.  For recovering addicts, doing mindful practices actually encourage change in the brain structures that have been formed through addiction.  It also offers benefits to those who suffer from depression or overly intense emotions.

What about the benefits of yoga?

Yoga is one major way to target those benefits of mindfulness, but it also carries its own positive effects.  Yoga can be a form of exercise to increase your flexibility, muscle strength, and tone.  It can provide cross training for running or other cardio exercise.  It also can help you to become a more mindful eater as you grow in awareness of your body and how it feels.

Psychologically, yoga targets stress and provides relief through relaxation, reducing anxiety, and improving your mood.  Yoga can help you to build a positive sense of self, which is often threatened by the shame or negative self-talk characteristic of depression.  If you are a survivor of trauma and struggle with dissociation, yoga can help you become more in touch with your body and help you to ground into the present moment.

One of the most beneficial concepts for me in my yoga practice was the beginner’s mind.  As a former dancer, I believed that in order to prove my flexibility and be the “best” at yoga, I had to do all the intense pretzel-like postures the instructor was doing.  As a recovering perfectionist, I still felt pressure to do every move “perfectly.”  Luckily, the instructor encouraged me to listen to my body and not push myself beyond my limits.  Being able to slow down on the mat and give myself permission to be imperfect allowed me to approach other areas of my life with the same calm and willingness to learn.

One potential roadblock for Christians who are hoping to try yoga is the potential struggle with its Buddhist roots.  As a Christian myself, I wrestle with this concept too.  I’ve chosen to use poses that involve a prayer posture or my intention for my practice as a way to connect with the Lord in prayer and surrender, seeking to set my mind on Him.  In yoga classes, you may come across language that feels uncomfortable or doesn’t fit with your Christian beliefs, and that’s fine! If it’s too difficult for you, you can try a different instructor or seek out Christian yoga classes.

How can I practice mindfulness in my life? 

Try a breathing exercise.

Taking a few moments to enjoy some deep breaths helps to slow down your nervous system and decrease anxiety.  Practicing breathing can be a task that takes as short as 10 minutes or less – it doesn’t have to be a huge chunk of your day.  It can be helpful to use a guided meditation in which to do this.  I really like the Headspace app, which gives you fun animations to help you start and 10-minute meditations to walk through.  For my Christian friends, I’d also recommend Everyday Prayer, a short podcast series with meditative prayers to increase a sense of mindfulness.

Test out mindful eating.

As you eat your next meal, pay attention to the flavors and textures of the foods you are eating.  Notice the smell of the spices in the food.  Pay attention to how your stomach feels, if you notice yourself feeling full or stuffed as a signal to stop.

Go for a mindful walk.

Take a walk outside.  Pay attention to the feel of your feet pressing against the ground, the temperature of the air, and the feeling of wind on your skin.  Look around at the sights around you, whether they involve nature, other people, or buildings.  Smell the fresh air outside.

Yoga.

As talked about before, I’ve become a big proponent of yoga after I’ve seen how I’ve felt as a result of doing it daily.  I love Yoga with Adriene.  She offers hundreds of free yoga videos on her YouTube channel, and if you subscribe to her newsletter you receive a monthly calendar with a practice she’s chosen for each day of the month.  Check out YouTube for other free yoga channels, or join a class in your area.

Practice consistently.

As you likely know if you’ve tried and failed to start a new exercise regimen, you don’t begin to see the benefit to your fitness levels until you’ve made the practice a habit.  Practicing mindfulness daily is an important step to experience its health benefits.  You can choose a time and place that works best for you – I like doing my yoga first thing in the morning (and I go to sleep in my yoga clothes so I’m ready to go when I wake up!)  It doesn’t have to be a huge commitment either: even just taking 10 minutes a day can show a marked difference.

How will you practice mindfulness this week?

Self-Care Saturdays: Keep it Simple

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

Simplicity has become an increasingly popular concept in our culture.  In a time when technology is advancing faster than we can keep up, multitasking is the norm, and we’re constantly accessible through our phones and emails, we can feel overwhelmed by complexity in our lives.  De-cluttering and minimalism are trends made popular by Marie Kondo and other organization gurus.  We find ourselves reminiscing about “the good old days” where life was just a little bit slower and a whole lot simpler.

This summer I read a childhood favorite book series of mine: Little House on the Prairie.  As I read, I thought about pioneers and felt a longing in my heart to live in the simplicity of that generation.  When I'm overwhelmed by stress and complexity in my life, it is easy to forget how technological advances have made our lives simpler and more automated.  I find a need to balance using technology to create more simplicity in my life without letting it rule over me.

It can feel near impossible to create simplicity in your life.  You may be in a season where simplicity is unrealistic because of the demands of family or career.  Often, as we grow older and gain more responsibilities, simplicity seems like a pipe dream.  We need to begin to create simplicity by eliminating the extras that add unnecessary overwhelm to our lives so that that we can focus on the areas that bring us life and that fit alongside our values.

How can you create more simplicity in your life?

Breathe.

Stop for a moment and notice your breath.  When was the last time you physically felt the breath in your body as you inhale and exhale?  This process is unconscious: we can go for days without actually noticing our breath.  Slow down today and remind yourself to breathe.  Practice mindfulness exercises or meditation throughout your day.  Use a meditation app like Headspace to do a daily meditation or to meditate at various points throughout the day.

Take a Sabbath each week.

I’m a recovering perfectionist.  I have a tendency to overfill my schedule to the point of overwhelm and sometimes even burnout.  When I see this happening in my life, I know that I need to prioritize a day off for myself.  A Sabbath is my go-to way both to recharge myself and to spend time reconnecting in my relationship with God.  Spend one day a week intentionally doing things that refresh you and help you to go back into your work recharged.

Allow yourself to feel bored.

With the easy accessibility of iPhones and media, we are constantly within reach of being entertained.  Because of this, we have become intolerant of boredom.  When we feel bored, we can always find a way to keep our minds occupied and our thoughts entertained.  When you notice yourself becoming bored, allow yourself to sit in that emotion instead of immediately seeking a way to be entertained.  If you’re standing in line, choose not to check your phone.  If you’re waiting for an appointment, choose to sit and wait rather than finding a way to distract yourself.

Get rid of clutter and unnecessary items in your home.

It can be easy to accumulate massive amounts of material things over the years.  Sometimes we don’t even know how we got it, but our home is suddenly full of "stuff".  Often we don’t need or even really want some of these items, but the effort it takes to get rid of them can feel like too much.  Spend a day going through your closet or drawers and clear out anything you don’t love.  As Marie Kondo suggests in her book, save the items that bring you joy and trash or donate all the remaining items.

Say “no” more often.

Simplicity in our schedules is near impossible when we have overcommitted ourselves.  It can be easy to say yes to everything we are asked, especially if we’re people pleasers.  In her book The Best Yes, Lysa Terkeurst talks about learning to say no more often so that we can give our best yes to the commitments that align with our values, bring us life, and fit within our gifting.  Save your yes for those moments, and begin to practice the tough work of saying no.

Uni-task.

Multitasking wears on our brain as we’re trying to focus our limited attention on several different items at once.  Our brains become overloaded by this multiple focus, so we tend to do each task to a lesser quality than we would otherwise.  Choose to focus on one task at a time and spend your energy in that one direction of focus before moving on to the next.

How will you choose to press into simplicity this week?

Self-Care Saturdays: Take a Day Off

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

As we get to the outset of summer, I’m always reminded of what summer meant when we were kids.  School was out!  Which meant endless days of play, sleeping in, no homework, and time with friends.  Each year we were given these precious few months to completely shut down our daily routine and schedules and spend the entire time getting some much needed rest.

But as adults, we often don’t have the same leisure in our lives.  We often take only one or two weeks of vacation a year.  Our weekends can be filled with more work, either from our work responsibilities spilling over to the weekend, or with housework or other various tasks.  Our culture encourages working until the point of exhaustion.  We are desperately in need of time to rest.

One simple way to begin incorporating more of the rest we need into our lives is through taking a Sabbath day of rest.

Why do we need it?   

Research has shown that downtime or idle time gives benefits including more creative and productive work, improvements in memory, and increased energy.  For the Christian, Sabbath days of rest are something to which we are called.  One of the Ten Commandments is to honor the Sabbath (Exodus 20:8-11), following God’s example of rest on the seventh day.

For me personally, taking a day of rest is something that’s felt increasingly important.  As a recovering perfectionist, it has always been difficult to rest.  I worry about failure or not doing enough.  But in Deuteronomy 5:15, God exhorts the Israelites to take a Sabbath as a reminder of His actions and provision in leading them out of slavery in Egypt. My choice to take a Sabbath affirms the truth of this verse: that ultimately, God is working and providing in my life, and I don’t have to be responsible for it all.

What holds you back from resting?  What are you afraid of?

Once you’ve decided to rest, the next step is the most important of all: make a plan.  If you don’t make a plan, you likely won’t do it.  Typically, a Sabbath day of rest is an entire day.  If you can’t plan for a full day due to time constraints, intentionally set aside a portion of a day or two each week to engage in restful activities.

Next, spend some time gathering ideas of what will refresh you on your Sabbath.  When we fill our days off with activities that help us escape, but don’t refresh or renew us, we can often end the day feeling more drained than we did at the start.  Plan to include activities in your day that will be refreshing rather than just filling time. 

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Turn off your technology.

A University of Maryland study showed that college students who unplugged from technology for a day experienced a greater sense of mental rest and well-being.  Turning off technology creates space and quiet in your life, which are two things that are necessary on your days of rest.   Try turning off your phone for a few hours as an experiment first.  Notice how it feels to be released from the constant tie to technology.

Spend time with people you love.

Prioritize a date night with your spouse or spend the evening with your family or friends doing something enjoyable and relaxing.  Spend time expressing gratitude to your loved ones about their presence in your life.  For the Christian, this might involve spending time with God.  You could read and meditate on Scripture, journal, pray, spend time in nature, play or sing worship music, or anything else that helps you to connect with God.

Slow down.

I love to bake on my Sabbath.  Baking bread often takes hours, as you need to wait for it to rise multiple times.  Having an entire day in which to slowly bake a loaf of bread reminds me to take my time and be patient.  Try this yourself with something you love: make a meal that takes a few hours to cook.  Take a long walk with your friend or spouse.  Sleep in.  Sit and breathe deeply.  Take a bath instead of a shower.  Read a long book.

Have fun!

When we were kids on summer vacation, we could always find something fun to do.  Take some time to sit down and make a list of all the things you have done that have been fun, and then plan then into your day of rest.  Become a kid again and play at a playground or park, color in a coloring book, or visit a children’s museum.

Do a hobby.

Is there a pastime that you love, but you never make time for it?  Or maybe something you’ve been meaning to learn, but haven’t yet?  Spend part of your day of rest doing a hobby that you enjoy.  If you think you don’t have hobbies, remember when you were a child and how you spent your time.  What were some of the things you enjoyed doing?  Use this as the basis for ideas of what hobbies you could pick up.

Embrace trial and error.

As you start the process of setting aside a day of rest or a Sabbath, it will be difficult at first, like learning a new skill.  Often the first few days, you won’t feel as refreshed as you’d like, or you’ll end up in distraction or escape. Something you thought would be restful might end up feeling like work.  Instead of throwing in the towel, keep trying new ideas.  As you experiment with different rhythms, you’ll figure out the best ways to become refreshed.

Keep in mind: what is restful for someone else won’t always be restful for you.  Part of this process is one of self-exploration.  You can try some activities that others suggest, but don’t be discouraged if they don’t work for you.  As you begin to experiment with different ways to rest, you’ll get to know more of what you personally need to feel rested on your Sabbath day.

Try this out sometime in the next few weeks!  Pick a day to spend either the full day or a portion of the day resting.  Try out a few of the ideas above to see if those might feel restful.  Read a book or two that will remind you of the why and how of rest: I like Sabbath by Wayne Muller or Sabbath-Keeping by Lynne M. Baab.  And remember: as you slow down and stop your work, you’re helping yourself to return to your work re-energized and affirming that the world doesn’t rest on your shoulders.

If you’re looking for more recommendations on books about rest, or if you yourself have a good resource to recommend, check out our Facebook page, where you can comment with ideas or read what others have suggested.