Christian

Taking Courage Through the Storms of Life: A Reflection on the TED Connects Talk by Elizabeth Gilbert

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If you’re reading this article in real-time, we’re all learning how to manage emotions through a major, unprecedented, global crisis in COVID-19.  We’re all being affected in some way, even though those specific patterns look different from person to person. 

Yet many of us will, at some point in our lives, walk through our own personal crises or traumas.  The loss of a job.  The betrayal of a spouse or partner.  The death of a loved one.  

Elizabeth Gilbert, author and creative thinker, recently was featured on an episode of TED Connects processing responses to the COVID-19 crisis.  In her talk, she shares reflections on emotional impact of this crisis and ways to shift thinking and behavior in order to offer more compassion and grace for ourselves.  While the principles in this video fit the crisis we’re facing collectively right now, they also shed have universal principles for personal crises you may face.

Here are a few of the key takeaways I gathered from listening to this talk.

Anxiety

Gilbert encourages us to give ourselves mercy and compassion for any emotions we experience through this crisis.  When we realize that our experience is normal and that everyone is going through or would go through some version of this same response, it helps take some of the pressure off to have it all together.  When you’re in a personal crisis, finding a grief or support group or talking with someone who’s been through this crisis before can be a great help, as it hits home that you aren’t alone and others understand what you’re going through.

Recognizing your resilience is another component she shares that will help you have confidence to make it through your crisis.  Reflect on past experiences that have been challenging or painful. Remind yourself of how you made it through and what allowed you to do so.  Review this list when you find yourself struggling to maintain compassion or courage despite the crisis.

Practicing presence and gratitude are also important.  Instead of numbing out or trying to escape, pay attention to the emotions you’re experiencing in the present, even if they’re uncomfortable.  Notice the things that you have in your life that you are grateful for. Make lists and speak these words of appreciation out loud.

She also highlights the myth of control: anxiety comes out of believing that we’re in control of our lives, when in reality we have little to no control over our circumstances.  We are only in control of our own actions, beliefs, thoughts, and choices.  When you surrender control, you’re allowing yourself to be released from the burden of anxiety and the myth that you can be in control of your circumstance.

Surrender means letting go of something you never even had.
— Elizabeth Gilbert

Loneliness

Living through a crisis can be an inherently isolating experience, and you likely have to cope with loneliness in a new way.  Notice your tendencies toward escaping or avoiding and how the crisis may have removed some of those coping mechanisms.  Recognize the ways your behaviors function as a way for you to withdraw from painful emotions.  Consider exploring negative emotions that arise, journaling through them, asking yourself what you fear and what you run from. 

Use this crisis as a way to get to know your mind and practice shifting your thinking.  You might notice more self-doubt, criticism, judgment, or fear.  Take inventory of your self-defeating thoughts so you can recognize them when they arise and begin to fact-check them with reality.  Just like focusing more on gratitude, this mindset shift requires intentional action.  You can literally change structures in your brain as you begin to make these shifts.

The hardest person in the entire world to be with is yourself.
— Elizabeth Gilbert

Productivity and Creating

While discussing creativity during a crisis, Gilbert references the fact that she prefers following “curiosity” rather than purpose and passion.  What might change in your life if you focused more on following your curiosity? Rather than focusing on what you “should” be doing, consider what you’re curious about and move toward that. 

Recognize that anxiety and fear stifle your ability to be productive or creative as well.  The content you consume impacts your mind and your capacity to focus.  Instead of trying to shame or beat yourself up into being more productive, release those “shoulds” and give yourself more freedom.

She also suggests reframing the crisis as a retreat, or a stimulus for learning.  She suggests doing what you used to do as a child, returning to play, as a way of coping with the difficult emotions that arise and awakening greater creativity within yourself.

A Note on Spirituality

Much of what Elizabeth shares in this TED talk is interwoven with her spiritual understanding.  While I disagree with the foundations of her spirituality, I think she offers concepts that can be adapted to a Christian worldview and can lead you to take a more grace-filled approach toward yourself in a season of crisis.  If you also share Christian beliefs, I encourage you to consider how some of the following ideas may help you.

Write a letter to yourself from God.

Near the end of the video, Elizabeth shares a practice that she engages in daily where she writes a letter to herself from “love.”  As I listened to her read her example letter aloud, I realized that the words “love” was saying to her were strikingly similar to how God speaks and comforts His people – phrases such as, “I’m with you.”  “I’ve got this.”  “You are my beloved.”  The connection between these words of love and God comes through the understanding that God is love (1 John 4:16) and that His perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18).

How might you write a letter to yourself from the point of view of God, who loves you unconditionally (Romans 8:35-39) and has promised to be with you forever (Matthew 28:20)? What would God say to you in your current circumstance, in your pain, in your struggle?  If you struggle to hear God’s voice as a voice of love, start out by reading 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and replace the word “love” with “God.”  If God is all of the things listed in that passage, how might he speak to you? 

Surrender control through prayer.

As mentioned earlier, releasing anxiety involves recognizing that you never had control in the first place.  We are not in control, but God is (Colossians 1:16-17).  When you recognize your powerlessness over your circumstance, you can use prayer as a way to remind yourself of this fact.  Refocusing on prayer helps us to come back to God and surrender to Him what we cannot control. 

I reference the Serenity prayer often because I think its simple structure provides a framework for releasing control and seeking wisdom.  It goes like this: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Listen to the Holy Spirit.

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In the talk, Elizabeth shares a story about a woman who became dangerously lost on a hike.   She offered up a prayer of surrender when she realized she was in trouble and felt led by her intuition to act in a way that would preserve her safety.  This reminded me of the importance of asking for wisdom and guidance from God (James 1:5) and being open to the Holy Spirit’s direction and leading (John 16).  Of course, it is important to compare where we feel led by the Spirit to Scriptural truth to determine its validity, but it was a helpful reminder to listen to where God is leading rather than trying to figure it all out on our own.

Self-Care Saturdays: Revitalize Your Relationship With God

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In light of Easter this past weekend, I’ve been reflecting on my personal experience of fostering relationship with God the past several years.  I’ve walked spiritual ruts and struggled to find the motivation or energy to connect with God.  I’ve had moments of joy and delight in my spiritual life as well.  As we know from Steps Two and Three in 12 Step recovery, relationship with God is a crucial component of healing and redemption.

What does relationship with God look like for you?

I love the terminology of relationship with God. I worry that others might see my faith as a type of religious exercise: I go to church, read my Bible, and “do the right thing.”  It feels like a checklist of what being religious means.  Sadly, it’s easy to miss the depth of my relationship with God, which is infinitely more valuable and motivating than any dry list of rules.

When I put my spiritual life in the context of relationship rather than rules, it takes on an entirely different flavor.  Relationship with God makes Him real to me.  I can grow closer to Him, learn more about Him, share my hopes and dreams, and feel comforted and cared for by Him.  In the Bible, God personifies Himself and uses relationships on earth as examples of His relationship with us. 

In moments when I am struggling with anxiety or depression, it isn’t a set of rules or following a religious structure that keeps me sane.  It’s trusting in a God who I know loves me and desires good for me, even when the good He gives doesn’t always match up with what I want.  It is a God who sees me, hears me, knows me, and provides for me as He says in Scripture.  When I open my eyes up to that God, I truly want to get to know Him better.

How do I get to know God in this way?

There have been books upon books written about spiritual disciplines, or ways that we can attempt to know God more fully.  (The Celebration of Discipline* by Richard Foster and Discovering Our Spiritual Identity* by Trevor Hudson are two personal favorites of mine.) I am certainly no expert on spiritual disciplines, but I can share ideas to jump start your relationship with God.

Identify what’s in the way of relating to God and submit it to Him.

What do you put in the place of God in your life?  What are the areas of your life that give you value, identity, or worth?  What, if taken away from you, would devastate you to the point where you wouldn’t feel like you could go on?  We all have a tendency to put things before God in our lives.  Timothy Keller calls this tendency idolatry, defining it by saying “it means turning a good thing into an ultimate thing.”

When I realize my heart's tendency to drift away from God toward other sources of identity or purpose, I can tell I’m moving toward idolatry.  When money, power, comfort, success, relationships, or any other area of my life becomes a higher priority than my relationship with God, I know I need to take a step back.  I need to acknowledge that each of those areas is a gift and a blessing from God, and not worship it in place of God.  I need to know that my value comes from my relationship with God alone, not from these areas.  An impactful resource in realizing my own struggles in this area has been the book Idol Lies* by Dee Brestin. 

Interact with the Word of God.

In order for us to have a relationship with God, we need to know Him.  The most straightforward way God has revealed Himself to us is through His word.  Bible study and reading is a regular way to get to know God.  But sometimes, reading the Bible can feel like a chore.

To break out of that rut, I’ve enjoyed reading the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) as if I’m getting to know the person of Jesus.  Take some time to imagine yourself in the scenes: what would it feel like to watch the crowds gathering around Jesus?  What would go through your mind when you saw him give blind men their sight, or heal the crippled?  Would you try to get close to Him?  What would you say to Him, if you could?

Meditating on Scripture can be another great practice to help you engage with the Bible.  Choose a passage or verse that speaks to you, and reflect on it in prayer.  Journal about it.  Practice lectio divina, a reflection practice walking through stages of engaging with Scripture.

Pick up a reading plan that works for you.  The Bible app has plenty of resources, but I also have recently been loving the First 5 app.  This resource provides studies and teachings specific to certain books of the Bible, and I appreciate the mix of Bible study and devotional.  I’ve also heard great things about The Bible Project, where each book of the Bible has an illustrated summary video to help you visualize the story in a new way.

Set aside time to rest and be with God, thanking Him and sharing your heart with Him.

Make space in your schedule to pursue relationship with God.  For some, this may look like a daily time set aside for prayer, journaling, and reading Scripture.  For others, this might look like an hour or two on a weekend spent with Jesus.  Maybe you can devote an entire Sabbath day to spend with the Lord.  Set aside time for “dates with Jesus” and spend time doing date-like activities with the Lord.

Prayer is an excellent way to communicate with God, but it doesn’t have to be kneeling down in a pew and saying the Lord’s Prayer.  Talk to God in the way you would talk to your best friend.  Journaling prayers is helpful if your mind tends to drift.  If the weather is nice, go outside and take a prayer walk, thanking God for the beauty of nature around you.

One aspect of prayer that has become more and more vital in my spiritual life has been gratitude.  Expressing gratitude to God for the gifts He’s given to me immediately puts perspective on difficult situations I’m facing or ways I feel unhappy about my life.  Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to foster this awareness of gratitude: no matter how difficult my life circumstance is, I can always make a list of 10 things I am grateful for.

Sacrifice generously to remind yourself that all is a gift.

We live in a world and a culture where we have more at our fingertips than at any time in the past.  Americans are in the upper tier of wealth in the world.  I tend to forget these facts when I’m worried about money or complaining about what I don’t have.  But if I can choose to use my privilege for the good of others through giving generously of my time, talents, and finances, I am reminded of how much I have and how it is all a gift from God.

Another way to access this awareness and gratitude for what we have is through fasting.  I’m not particularly fond of fasting from food: some people can do it well, but my blood sugar tanks and I feel terrible if I don’t eat.  But I can still choose to fast from other things, like coffee, TV, movies, restaurants…you name it.  I can use the time I would normally spend in these areas to spend with God and connect with Him. 

Seek out community with other Christians.

Connecting with other people who are curious about God and desiring to grow spiritually can be an immensely helpful way to build up your spiritual life.  The first step toward community is attending a local church and getting to know the members through volunteering or joining a Bible study.  As you begin to forge relationships with these other believers, you are able to see unique ways God is reflected in them.

As you build these relationships, you can have open and honest conversations with others about relationship with God.  You can share meals together, help one another in times of need, and receive support when you’re going through difficulties.  You can laugh together, cry together, and forge deep relationships that demonstrate the nature of relationship with God.

Invite God into your daily life.

Look for moments throughout your day when you can connect with God.  Maybe you can pray at the same time as completing a routine, mindless daily task, like brushing your teeth or waiting for your coffee to brew.  You can incorporate worship music into your daily commute or workout.  You can listen to sermons while doing busy work or cleaning.  Look for ways in which you can engage with God while you’re doing other tasks.

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As a warning: if any of these spiritual practices begin to feel like rules rather than a way to grow closer to God, give them a rest for a time.  Remind yourself that God is the one drawing you to relationship with Him, and that you aren’t responsible for making it happen.  There is nothing that you can do that will make God love you more - these are simply practices intended to lead to to greater awareness of His presence and felt closeness to Him.