Creating Hope in Chaos: A Therapist's Guide to Thriving During the COVID-19 Crisis

The current upheaval to many of our daily lives as a result of the COVID-19 outbreak is something we as a society have never experienced before.  Every person is affected directly or indirectly, by stay-at-home orders, closures of stores and restaurants, financial shifts, and the spread of the illness.  It’s easy for those who do not typically struggle with anxiety or depression to feel the stress of this moment in the world.

This makes the call to care for our mental health that much more important.  But how can we do that when many of us are stuck at home?  Here are a few ideas that may help you not only to get through this crisis, but perhaps to begin to thrive in the midst of and as a result of it.  Engaging in items on this list can create opportunities to change the way you approach your life for the long-term.

Reducing Anxiety

Limit your media intake. The public health crisis is constantly changing.  Every news media outlet is producing massive amounts of coverage of anything and everything having to do with the coronavirus.  It makes sense that many of us would want to follow these updates through the news.  But this can easily turn into constantly checking headlines or social media, feeling our anxiety rise with the second.

Create a limit for yourself on how much time you’ll spend on social media, news websites, or even watching TV coverage of coronavirus.  Choose a certain time of day when you will check and set a boundary to limit how long you’ll read or watch.

Incorporate deep breathing and meditation practices. Breathing and meditation can be a helpful way to calm the panic response that surfaces with anxiety.  If you notice yourself experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety, focus on taking a few deep breaths, allowing the air to move down into your abdomen.

Guided meditations, which can be found on YouTube or through various apps, can be helpful to direct your mind to focus on your breath.  Many of these resources offer options for children as well.  For example, many mobile guided meditation apps such as Headspace and Sanvello are offering free access to services during the crisis. 

Practice gratitude. One of the greatest protections against anxiety is to focus on appreciating what you currently have.  Spend time daily reflecting on areas of your life for which you can be grateful.  If this crisis has allowed you more time to spend with family or focusing on tasks at home, find thankfulness in that.  Begin a list or a gratitude journal that helps you consistently keep track of the positives in your circumstance. 

Self-Care

Go outside. Even if you are in a community that has required its citizens to stay at home during this crisis, those orders often allow for physical activity outside.  Use this extra time to go for a walk or run.  Take your kids out on a bike ride or walk around the neighborhood.  Play or relax in your yard together.  Spending time in nature offers a multitude of mental health benefits, so why not take advantage of those now?

Practice active rest. Much of the reaction I’ve seen from people who have the privilege of being able to work from home is to rejoice in the fact that they get to catch up on their Netflix queues.  While there’s nothing wrong with watching a good show from time to time, spending a whole day bingeing on TV can lead to feelings of guilt or lethargy.  You might not have done anything during the day, but you still feel exhausted, whether from staying up too late watching your shows or the strain of so much screen time.

Instead of doing those things that seem like rest but are actually draining, lean into habits that provide actual rest for you.  Allow yourself to sleep in or take a nap.  Read a good book.  Pray, spend time reading the Bible, or practice other spiritual self-care.  Spend lazy hours talking with your loved ones or playing board games.  Letting your mind and body catch up on rest from the frenzied pace of normal life can be an incredible blessing during this season.

Exercise. As mentioned earlier, walking or running outside is an easy way to get out of the house while still following guidelines for health and safety of others.  Get into the practice of taking a short walk daily.  If you’re used to a commute to work, “walking” to work by strolling around the block can be an easy way to set boundaries at the start and end of your work-from-home day. 

What if you usually go to the gym to get in your exercise?  Look for opportunities to do those same exercises from home.  Free videos on YouTube (like Yoga with Adriene) or subscription programs (like OpenFit) offer at-home workouts that you can do from the safety of your living room.

Social Connection

Call a loved one every day.  Just because we’re “social distancing” doesn’t mean that we have to cut off all connection with the people we love.  I was inspired by a recent blog post by Marnie Ferree to get out my phone and call one of my loved ones on a daily basis.  This can be a family member, friend, coworker, or other member of your community that can help you feel connected within the craziness. Reach out to someone you haven’t connected with for some time and catch up on how they’re doing, offering your empathy and support in response.

Write notes of encouragement. Have you ever received a handwritten note in the mail?  It can be heartwarming to receive words of encouragement.  Why not spread the love during this time with the extra minutes we may have in our day?  Write notes to medical professionals who need support, friends who you know are feeling financial strain, or just to maintain connection with those you love. 

Have a family game night or scavenger hunt. The busy pace of life can prevent families from being able to spend quality time together on a more regular basis.  This period of extended time at home creates an opportunity for family members who don’t often get to see one another to spend quality time together.  As tempting as it may be to all sit in front of your individual screens, coordinate an evening where you play a game together or create a scavenger hunt through the yard or neighborhood for different items.

Use technology creatively to connect.  Video messaging platforms have allowed people to continue to connect when they are thousands of miles apart, so of course they can be used to connect with people who are just down the street.  Have a coffee date with a friend by brewing your own cups and then sitting down to chat.  “Go out” for drinks with your friends virtually.  Play a cooperative game with friends on a video gaming console or with various apps that allow you to connect in different locations.

Volunteer or donate. As a follow-up to the gratitude practice, you  may find yourself recognizing how blessed you are in comparison with others.  Although it may seem like you can’t do much while you are cooped up at home, there are plenty of ways you can serve and bless those who are dealing with more difficult circumstances.  Many local charities are accepting financial or material donations to support those in need.  Hospitals and medical facilities are accepting donations of certain medical supplies.  Many food pantries are still open and collecting dry goods.  If you have extra disinfecting wipes, hand sanitizer, or even toilet paper to share, consider offering it to neighbors of yours who may not have those supplies.

Notice the Positive

Reflect on what you’re learning. Ask yourself what you may be learning or observing during this drastic change in circumstances.  Can this new perspective or knowledge impact the way you live your life in the future?  How might you want to change our daily habits as a result?  For instance, perhaps you’ve enjoyed having extended time with your household and want to make that a priority in the future.  Perhaps you’ve discovered a new hobby or interest that will shape how you spend your leisure time once this crisis has passed.  

Focus on others. Often, this goes hand-in-hand with the suggestion of volunteering time or donating supplies.  When you shift your gaze to others who are in need, you are more likely to feel grateful for what you have and relieved of anxiety.  Pray for those in your community specifically, and ask others who you might pray for them.  Identify ways you can love or bless the people in your community using a strategy listed above.

Search for acts of kindness. The moments that have floored me most throughout this crisis have been the acts of kindness I’ve witnessed that offer hope and joy to others in the midst of chaos.  Keep your eyes open for ways in which your community might be carrying out some of these gestures. Brainstorm ways you might be able to participate in those acts of kindness.  Search for lists of ideas or become inspired by news coverage of these choices people are making to bring hope. 

Self-Care for When You Don't Have Time for Self-Care

Life is busy.  Whether you feel like a taxi driver for your children’s after-school activities, you’re working long hours at the office, you’re raising a newborn, or maybe all of the above, free time can be hard to come by. 

So when someone suggests that you take time for self-care, no wonder you laugh and say, “when do I have time for that?” 

Practicing self-care is an important part of taking care of your mental and physical health.  In particular, if you struggle with anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, or other mental health issues, self-care is an essential part of healing. Even if you see the need for self-care in your life, it’s easy to feel like you don’t have the time to make it happen.

Perhaps it’s an issue of cost.  Trendy “self-care” tells you to go get a massage, take a vacation, or otherwise spend exorbitant amounts of money with the promise of “relaxation and rejuvenation.”  For most people, this isn’t practical or realistic. While sometimes you might want to “treat yo’ self,” for the most part you can do good quality self-care for free.

Maybe you’re over the trend of self-care justifying selfish and self-centered behaviors.  I get that.  It’s not meant to be “I do what I want” or “I do what feels good” all the time.  True quality self-care Is not designed to replace loving other people and being the best parent, friend, spouse, partner, child, employee, or person you can be.  It’s meant to prep you to fill those roles well without burning out.

Self-care involves physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and relational health.  Sometimes self-care feels exactly like what you don’t want to do, but it’s what will be good for you in the long-term.  Think of it like training for a marathon: you may hate going on those longer runs, but you know in the long term your training will help you prepare your body for the race ahead of you.

How to Make Self-Care Work for You

Check your thoughts about self care.  If you’re looking at it as if it’s selfish or wrong, you won’t be able to benefit from it, instead getting distracted by feelings of guilt.  Reframe self-care as something you’re doing to take care of your mental health and better fill the roles in your life.  See self-care as a discipline, something you consciously consider.  Work it into your routine, like taking a vitamin. 

When you’re short on time, get creative about how you do self-care.  In a recent training I completed on compassion fatigue, the trainer talked extensively about a concept she calls “flexi-self-care.”  This type of self-care takes advantage of small bits of time you have throughout your day where you can pause for a moment and do something nurturing.  Identify for yourself ways to practice self-care that take as little as 1 minute and make a practice of trying these things lately.

Take a look at some of these examples of self-care on a time budget.

1 minute of self-care

• Take three long, slow, deep abdominal breaths. (It can help to place a hand on your abdomen to feel it rising and falling.)

• Do a yoga pose.

• Give a loved one a hug.

• Feel your feet flat on the ground, supported by the earth beneath them.

• Read a favorite quotation, affirmation, mantra, or Scripture verse.

• Look out a window and observe what’s happening outside.

• Identify what emotion you’re feeling currently and where you feel it in your body.

• Squeeze a stress ball.

• Look at a picture of a loved one. 

5 minutes of self-care

• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise: name and describe 5 things you see, 4 things you feel without moving, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell or like the smell of, and 1 thing you taste or like the taste of.

• Write a list of 10 things you are grateful for.

• Send a text to a friend.

• Stretch out sore muscles. 

• Four-square breathing: breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts.  Repeat 10 times.

• Complete one small item on a to-do list (ie. making a phone call, responding to an email, scheduling an appointment).

• Visualize a place that feels calm and peaceful and enjoy the sensations associated with it.

• Open a window and take a few deep breaths of fresh air.

• Drink a glass of water.

• Listen to your favorite song.

• Light a candle and watch the flame.

• Play with a pet.

• People-watch.

10 minutes of self-care

• Do a 10 minute YouTube workout. (I like this playlist from Yoga with Adriene.)

• Eat a healthy snack.

• Write in a journal.

• Put on a dance music playlist and dance around your space.

• Clean out your email inbox.

• Tidy a space in your home.

• Watch a YouTube tutorial for an activity you’re interested in learning.

• Work on a crossword puzzle or a word search.

• Play catch with a dog or child (or even with a wall!)

• Do a Headspace meditation.

• Watch a video that makes you laugh.

• Pray.

• Read a magazine article. 

20 minutes of self-care

• Go for a brisk walk outside.

• Read a chapter in a book.

• Listen to a podcast, lecture, or sermon about a topic that interests you.

• Call a friend, family member, or significant other on the phone to chat.

• Work on a craft project, draw, or paint.

• Write a thank-you note to someone.

• Make yourself a cup of tea or coffee and sip it slowly.

• Take a hot shower.

• Play a musical instrument.

• Clean a room in your home or your desk at work.

• Create a photo collage of images that help you feel loved, inspired, or that bring you joy.

Take these lists and make them your own.  Pay attention to how long it takes you to do these activities: you  may find that prayer can be as short as 1 minute, or your one yoga pose develops into a 10-minute yoga practice.  Be willing to be creative and try out some of these tools to make self-care something you can do every day, not just as a special treat.

Self-Care Saturdays: 7 Ways to Get Yourself Moving

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

If you would’ve told 14-year-old me that I would be running half-marathons by the time I was in my twenties, I’d laugh in your face.  Or more accurately, cross my arms in a huff and roll my eyes.  Though I ran hurdles and sprints on the track team, I HATED distance running and avoided cross country like the plague.

But something shifted in my early adult years.  I was fresh out of college and struggling with depression.  At a seminar I went to about depression and anxiety, one of the presenters named that exercise was a good way to boost his mood.  I decided to give running another try.  And this time around, with no pressure to be fast, I began to enjoy it.  I looked forward to running.  And let me tell you – it is one major factor that I can look back on and credit as changing my struggle with depression.

We all know the well-touted benefits of exercise. In fact, studies have shown that exercise can have comparable effects to antidepressant medication.  But when Netflix is calling your name, or the 5am alarm for a morning workout is just too early, we don’t prioritize those health benefits we’ve heard about.

Here’s a list of different tips you can use to beat that magnetic force that holds you to the couch.

Start Small (But Significant!)

If you walk out of your door thinking, “I’m going to run 5 miles today” when you haven’t strapped on your running shoes for 6 months, you’ll probably get to about a mile before the weight of that decision hits you – hard.

If you haven’t worked out for several months, start with something small.   It can be as simple as adding 20 sit-ups or 10 push-ups to your morning routine, walking around your block after dinner, or doing half of a Pilates video.  Be proud of what you accomplish!  You don’t have to be a bodybuilder to be fit and get healthy.  When you start small, you can begin to slowly increase as you feel comfortable, and before you know it you’ll be surprised at how much you can accomplish. 

Do Something You Love

If running makes you feel like you are dying, or if you dread going to your workout class, you’re not likely to follow through and actually exercise.  Just because everyone you know is into running/yoga/weight training, that doesn’t mean that it’ll work for you.

If you like walking your dog, extend your walk for another 15 minutes and explore a park or neighborhood nearby that you haven’t gone to before.  If you like dancing, have a dance party in your living room for 20 minutes with your favorite playlist.  There are so many options out there for how to exercise that I believe there is one that each person can enjoy.

Focus on the First Step

Picture a typical morning where you think about going to the gym to complete a workout.  Chances are, if you’re on the couch at home in your pajamas, you’re much more likely to stay at home.  On the other hand, if you’re in the car on the way to the gym in your athletic clothes, you’re probably more likely to work out.

Use this fact to focus your energy on just that first step you need to take to make exercise happen.  Instead thinking about how tired you’ll be during your workout, concentrate instead on changing your environment to motivate you to complete whatever exercise you want to be doing.

Go Outside

If you want to kill two birds with one stone, do your workout outside!  Not only will you get the mood-boosting endorphins of a workout, but you’ll get the happy effects of vitamin D and some fresh air into your lungs.  Studies have shown that exercising outside is associated with additional health benefits, and it also can provide motivation to return for another workout. Live somewhere where it’s overcast, rainy, or snowy?  Try it anyway! Going for a run in bad weather makes me feel extra intense and committed, which is an automatic mood boost. 

Work Out with a Friend

Find a friend who wants to get fit as well, and sign up for a class with them or make plans to work out together.  When you work out with a friend, you’ve got the built-in accountability to keep you on your exercise schedule.  And it always helps to have someone to go out to coffee with after a workout!

Invest in Yourself

Spending a little cash to take care of your physical health is worth it.  Buy a fitness tracker and use it as a tool to compete with your friends and neighbors on how many steps you’ve achieved that day.  Sign up for a gym membership or a workout class that you have to pay for – the financial investment may lead to a sense of emotional investment as well.  Register for a race in advance, knowing that you’ll have to be trained in time or you will lose the (often quite pricey) race registration fee.

Use Free Resources Where Available

On the flip side, if money is something that holds you back from exercise, you have plenty of resources you can use to get started even without that gym membership!  Check out free YouTube channels that offer yoga or workout videos.  Check out a book about exercise or a workout DVD from your local library.  In the past, I’ve even used the On Demand feature on my cable network to find kickboxing and other workout videos – they may be cheesy, but they get the job done!

What’s your next step to practice self-care through exercise?