Self-Care Saturdays: Embrace Your Creative Side

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

Have you ever uttered the phrase, “I don’t have a creative bone in my body?”  Or maybe you’re more naturally artistic and consider yourself more right-brained than left-brained.  In my family, I’ve always been the “non-creative” one, at least when it comes to crafting or visual art.  (If you could see some of the disasters of Christmas ornaments I attempted to craft in elementary school…)

The reality is that all of us are creative, even if our creativity lies unused in the darkest corners of our mind.  Creativity isn’t just about making art.  In fact, the definition of creativity references creative expression as the use of imagination in the formation of original ideas.

Creativity has a multitude of benefits for your physical and mental health.  Many creative activities involve repetition and slowing down, both of which are soothing and relieve stress.  Practicing creativity improves brain function and mood.  Creative thought and behavior requires a slower pace: we cannot be creative and rush at the same time.  Have you ever noticed that when you give yourself the time to think and slow down, your best ideas come to you? 

In the counseling office, art therapy and music therapy are used to process emotions and experiences through creative expression.  The philosophy behind art therapy relates to neuroscience: art and music use the nonverbal, expressive area of our brains.  Emotions, trauma, and other painful experiences are often stored in these areas, and using our creativity connects with these emotions. Benefits of art therapy include improved mental health due to relieving the tension of those negative and painful emotions.

Keep in mind as you seek to explore your creativity: the point of creating isn’t to make something perfect: it’s to enjoy the process of creating.  What you make might not be on par with the Mona Lisa, a meal at a five-star restaurant, or one of Beethoven’s symphonies.  The point of creativity is not the end goal – it’s the journey of getting there.

Here are some ideas about how to practice creativity:

Coloring Books or Painting

Adult coloring books have become increasingly popular the past few years, often because of the benefits mentioned about the soothing nature of repetition and increased focus.  I even think there’s something fun and playful about coloring in a children’s coloring book with crayons, which you can do on your own or with your children.  Similarly, painting, either in a class with friends or on your own can be an enjoyable way to relieve stress, and can be relatively inexpensive with the purchase of your own crafting supplies. 

Crafting, Knitting, or Crocheting

These type of projects can be just as soothing and relaxing as a coloring book.  Look for ideas for projects on a Pinterest crafting board or a magazine that strikes your interest.  Start at the skill level you have in order to keep yourself from being discouraged by a project that ends up being too difficult or expensive to complete.

Food

Cooking and baking offer many opportunities to be creative.  Try a new recipe or alter ingredients or flavors in a recipe that you already love.  Play a version of Chopped where you start with four random ingredients in your kitchen and put together a meal using all four.  Brainstorm unique ways to decorate or style a dessert that you’ve made.

Gardening

Spending time weeding in the garden or growing plants, vegetables, and flowers can be surprisingly therapeutic.  The repetitive actions of tending the garden, watching as your plants grow, spending time outside and breathing in the fresh air, and feeling the sun on your skin are a perfect combination to awaken creativity.

Music

If you play a musical instrument or sing, spend some time playing some of your favorites, learning a new song, or creating your own.  You don’t need science to tell you that music has mental health benefits – you can experience it for yourself when you hear your favorite song and immediately feel an impact on your mood.

Writing

Whether you write professionally or you just like to keep a daily journal, a regular writing practice is a great way to relieve stress.  Spend some time journaling,  write a poem, or draft a mini-article about a topic of interest.

Scheme on a Friend’s Behalf

Dream up a creative way to make a friend or family member feel special.  If they have a birthday, special event, or you simply want to make sure they know they are loved, creatively brainstorm ways to bless them and love them well.

…and so much more!

There are so many options out there for being creative.  Whether you’re a fan of home improvement projects, hair and makeup, creating videos or photography, or even sports, there is a form of creative expression that fits with every personality.  Find what works for you and make it happen!

How will you embrace creativity in your life this week?

Self-Care Saturdays: Get Some Fresh Air

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself.  

Whether you’re trying to soak up the sun, grow a beautiful garden, or just take a walk, summers in Michigan are the perfect time to be outside.  As a native Michigander, I know “up north” as code for vacationing in the wilderness where beautiful views of nature are on display and relaxation is the main goal.  (Do I sound a bit like Tim Allen in the Pure Michigan commercials?)

Michigan’s tourism campaign aside, we’re given an opportunity at this time of year to take full advantage of the health benefits that being outside provides.  Research has proven that spending time outdoors increases desire for exercise and corresponding weight loss, boosts energy, leads to better eye health, improves sleep , and enhances attention span and concentration.  Beyond the physical benefits of being outside, there are plenty of mental health benefits as well, like improved brain function and creativity, a decrease in stress and anxiety levels, and a shift toward more positive moods. 

A common struggle for those of us who live in the northern states is seasonal affective disorder, or SAD.  Seasonal affective disorder is similar to depression in that it involves symptoms like difficulty focusing, decrease in energy, moodiness, sleeping too much, or losing interest in things you normally enjoy.  SAD is associated with low levels of vitamin D, a hormone produced when your skin is exposed to sunlight.  The theory behind the connection between vitamin D and SAD is that vitamin D increases levels of serotonin, which improves symptoms of depression.

What are some ideas on how to fully soak up everything the outdoors has to offer this summer?

Start your day outside.

The first few hours after you wake up is the best time to take advantage of the sun’s major benefits.  At this time of day, the UV index is lower, limiting the negative effects of sun exposure.  Pick a spot outside where you can sit for 5 or 10 minutes each morning and observe nature unfold around you.  Or incorporate outdoor exercise into your morning routine, which has the added perk of giving you extra willpower to resist urges to eat throughout the day.

Go for a walk.

If you work in a windowless office during the day, going outside for a walk on a lunch or rest break during your day can help you feel refreshed once you return to your desk.  Breathing in the fresh air slows down your breath and leads to a sense of calm.  As mentioned earlier, walking or other exercise outdoors is a nice change-up from hours spent in the gym in the winter months.  Studies have shown that exercising outside will increase the likelihood that you’ll be motivated to continue to exercise.  Participants in the study also named that they felt less tension, depression, and anxiety after exercising outside.

Have a picnic lunch.

I’ve started a tradition with my toddler-age nephew recently: when he and I spend time together, we pack a picnic lunch and walk down to the park.  There's an adventurous quality to the combination of packing an on-the-go meal, spending energy walking to the park and playing on the play structure, and eating a leisurely meal by the river on a picnic blanket: he eats and naps easier those days, and I feel more relaxed and calm.  We’re lucky to live in a state where there are so many green spaces and forests and lakes – let’s take advantage of the nature we have around us!

Go camping…or “glamping.”

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never actually been pitch-a-tent, cook-over-a-fire, sleep-under-the-stars camping.  I don’t think I’d survive without access to my hair dryer!  But when I visit an up north cottage in the summer months, where I can spend time next to a lake, soaking up the sun and playing yard games in the grass, there’s nothing I’d rather be doing.  Set aside a weekend for yourself to visit a campground or a cottage in the middle of nowhere where you can spend time out in the sun (with sunscreen, of course!)

Puddle jump!

Summer months in Michigan often come with scattered rain showers as the heat affects weather patterns.  While thunderstorms might be something to avoid, who says you have to stay inside when it’s raining?  Some of my favorite memories have come from getting stuck in a pop-up rain shower, eventually giving up on staying dry and going full force into splashing through puddles.  Embrace the playfulness of getting soaked, whether you’re with your kids or a friend.

Garden or do yard work outside.

I imagine some of you have a green thumb and can create beautiful landscaped creations in your garden or yard, while others of you can’t keep a cactus alive.  Whatever your gardening skill, spend some time weeding your yard or mowing your grass.  You’ll likely see immediate results, which can be encouraging, and the repetitiveness of the actions can be calming.  With gardening, there’s a beauty and simplicity in watching plants grow and harvesting vegetables, herbs, or beautiful flowers to enjoy.

How will you spend time outside this week?

Self-Care Saturdays: Mastering the Art of Play

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

When we were kids, our main objective in the world was to play.  We could spend hours traipsing through the outdoors, creating our own games and imagining stories we’d act out with our friends.  But somewhere along the line, that sense of play was slowly overtaken by work –schoolwork, university, careers, and family life.

According to the Google, the verb “play” is defined as “engaging in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.”  As adults, this time can feel wasted or pointless because nothing is accomplished. 

But we need to bring play back into our lives.  There’s a simplicity to the idea of play that is missing from our experience as adults.  When we were children at play, we weren’t worried about anything other than the game or the imagined story in which we found ourselves.

There is an inherent value to engaging in play.  Play is an expression of freedom where I choose what I want to do right now and stop my play when it is no longer fun or enjoyable.  In this freedom, we experience greater creativity.  Children are encouraged to engage in play as a therapeutic technique to help them process pain and trauma they’ve experienced.

Oftentimes, play gets confused with leisure time, defined by distraction, disengagement, and emotional disconnection.  This is a sign that we’re using our leisure time to escape instead of rest.  In contrast, when you watch a child at play, you can see how engaged and curious they become in whatever exists around them, even if it seems trivial or unimportant.

Here are a few ideas to get you started on how to incorporate play in your life.

Remind yourself of how you used to play.

Over the course of time, we can lose touch with the playful spirit we had as children.  Dan Allender, in a series of podcasts on play, names a few questions to consider when you think about this topic.  What games do you enjoy playing?  What activities do you engage in that bring a sense of joy?  What did you used to play as a child that you enjoyed?

Be a kid on summer vacation again.

Think about all the ways you used to play in the summertime as a child.  What were some of the activities you loved?  Playgrounds and swings?  Exploring in the woods?  Schoolyard games?  Swimming in the lake?  Drawing with chalk?  Flying a kite?  Playing pick-up soccer or football?  Spend an afternoon doing some of these things!

Go to a museum or park designed for children and explore.

Some of my favorite memories of class field trips or family day trips involved visiting a zoo or a children’s science museum.  There was always so much to see and do, and I’d always learn something new.  Visit one of these parks or museums that you loved as a child with a curious and playful attitude.

Do a summer reading challenge.

As a lifelong book nerd, I always loved tearing through books as a kid to win a prize at our local library for amount of books read.  Many libraries have now extended the fun for adults and have broadened the ways you can earn points to include exploring the library buildings themselves, writing reviews for books, or attending library events.  I’ve joined in on the Ann Arbor District Library summer game for the past few years, which has plenty of options for fun and encourages me to attend community events I may not know about otherwise.

Throw a kid-themed party!

Friends’ birthday parties were always some of the highlights of the summer growing up.  Typically these parties involved themes, games, favors, and all the candy you could eat.  Invite your friends to a party and have a water balloon or water gun fight, get a piñata, or play children’s games like pin the tail on the donkey.

Learn from a child in your life.

Spend a day with a toddler or kid in your life, whether it’s your own child, a niece or nephew, or a friend’s child.  As you interact with them throughout the day, pay attention to how they view the world around them with curiosity and a sense of play.  Find ways to imitate that childlike spirit in your own life.

As you start to incorporate play into your life, pay attention to what emotions you feel.  You might find yourself distracted by embarrassment or shame.  You might feel silly or childish.  This is normal, especially at first, because play isn’t always encouraged in our day to day.  Observe your emotions, give yourself space to feel them, and know that the more you practice play, the more natural it becomes.

How will you begin to play this week?

Self-Care Saturdays: Take a Day Off

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

As we get to the outset of summer, I’m always reminded of what summer meant when we were kids.  School was out!  Which meant endless days of play, sleeping in, no homework, and time with friends.  Each year we were given these precious few months to completely shut down our daily routine and schedules and spend the entire time getting some much needed rest.

But as adults, we often don’t have the same leisure in our lives.  We often take only one or two weeks of vacation a year.  Our weekends can be filled with more work, either from our work responsibilities spilling over to the weekend, or with housework or other various tasks.  Our culture encourages working until the point of exhaustion.  We are desperately in need of time to rest.

One simple way to begin incorporating more of the rest we need into our lives is through taking a Sabbath day of rest.

Why do we need it?   

Research has shown that downtime or idle time gives benefits including more creative and productive work, improvements in memory, and increased energy.  For the Christian, Sabbath days of rest are something to which we are called.  One of the Ten Commandments is to honor the Sabbath (Exodus 20:8-11), following God’s example of rest on the seventh day.

For me personally, taking a day of rest is something that’s felt increasingly important.  As a recovering perfectionist, it has always been difficult to rest.  I worry about failure or not doing enough.  But in Deuteronomy 5:15, God exhorts the Israelites to take a Sabbath as a reminder of His actions and provision in leading them out of slavery in Egypt. My choice to take a Sabbath affirms the truth of this verse: that ultimately, God is working and providing in my life, and I don’t have to be responsible for it all.

What holds you back from resting?  What are you afraid of?

Once you’ve decided to rest, the next step is the most important of all: make a plan.  If you don’t make a plan, you likely won’t do it.  Typically, a Sabbath day of rest is an entire day.  If you can’t plan for a full day due to time constraints, intentionally set aside a portion of a day or two each week to engage in restful activities.

Next, spend some time gathering ideas of what will refresh you on your Sabbath.  When we fill our days off with activities that help us escape, but don’t refresh or renew us, we can often end the day feeling more drained than we did at the start.  Plan to include activities in your day that will be refreshing rather than just filling time. 

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Turn off your technology.

A University of Maryland study showed that college students who unplugged from technology for a day experienced a greater sense of mental rest and well-being.  Turning off technology creates space and quiet in your life, which are two things that are necessary on your days of rest.   Try turning off your phone for a few hours as an experiment first.  Notice how it feels to be released from the constant tie to technology.

Spend time with people you love.

Prioritize a date night with your spouse or spend the evening with your family or friends doing something enjoyable and relaxing.  Spend time expressing gratitude to your loved ones about their presence in your life.  For the Christian, this might involve spending time with God.  You could read and meditate on Scripture, journal, pray, spend time in nature, play or sing worship music, or anything else that helps you to connect with God.

Slow down.

I love to bake on my Sabbath.  Baking bread often takes hours, as you need to wait for it to rise multiple times.  Having an entire day in which to slowly bake a loaf of bread reminds me to take my time and be patient.  Try this yourself with something you love: make a meal that takes a few hours to cook.  Take a long walk with your friend or spouse.  Sleep in.  Sit and breathe deeply.  Take a bath instead of a shower.  Read a long book.

Have fun!

When we were kids on summer vacation, we could always find something fun to do.  Take some time to sit down and make a list of all the things you have done that have been fun, and then plan then into your day of rest.  Become a kid again and play at a playground or park, color in a coloring book, or visit a children’s museum.

Do a hobby.

Is there a pastime that you love, but you never make time for it?  Or maybe something you’ve been meaning to learn, but haven’t yet?  Spend part of your day of rest doing a hobby that you enjoy.  If you think you don’t have hobbies, remember when you were a child and how you spent your time.  What were some of the things you enjoyed doing?  Use this as the basis for ideas of what hobbies you could pick up.

Embrace trial and error.

As you start the process of setting aside a day of rest or a Sabbath, it will be difficult at first, like learning a new skill.  Often the first few days, you won’t feel as refreshed as you’d like, or you’ll end up in distraction or escape. Something you thought would be restful might end up feeling like work.  Instead of throwing in the towel, keep trying new ideas.  As you experiment with different rhythms, you’ll figure out the best ways to become refreshed.

Keep in mind: what is restful for someone else won’t always be restful for you.  Part of this process is one of self-exploration.  You can try some activities that others suggest, but don’t be discouraged if they don’t work for you.  As you begin to experiment with different ways to rest, you’ll get to know more of what you personally need to feel rested on your Sabbath day.

Try this out sometime in the next few weeks!  Pick a day to spend either the full day or a portion of the day resting.  Try out a few of the ideas above to see if those might feel restful.  Read a book or two that will remind you of the why and how of rest: I like Sabbath by Wayne Muller or Sabbath-Keeping by Lynne M. Baab.  And remember: as you slow down and stop your work, you’re helping yourself to return to your work re-energized and affirming that the world doesn’t rest on your shoulders.

If you’re looking for more recommendations on books about rest, or if you yourself have a good resource to recommend, check out our Facebook page, where you can comment with ideas or read what others have suggested.

Self-Care Saturdays: Catch Some Zzz's

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

In a world where technology is supposed to create easier and faster ways for us to finish our tasks in the workplace and at home, it is an unfortunate truth that we find more ways to fill our days as a result.  When we find ourselves busy, sleep is often one of the first things to go.

The average adult needs 7-8 hours of sleep a night, but 30% of adults report getting less than 6 hours of sleep a night.  The CDC has called sleep deprivation a public health problem.

And this lack of sleep is causing us to struggle in other areas of our lives.  Without a full night’s sleep, it is difficult to focus the next day.  It can impair your ability to drive to a level that’s similar to drunk driving.   In terms of mental health, sleep deprivation can lead to depression, anxiety, and in extreme cases, more severe mental health problems. Sleep is one major area therapists focus on in order to alleviate some of the common symptoms of depression and anxiety.  Even if you don’t struggle with mental health issues, sleep is still an important part of self-care.

Here are some tools and strategies to improve your sleep. 

Give yourself a bedtime.

Yes, I know you aren’t a child anymore, when your parents likely gave you a strict boundaries around when you would go to bed.  And all the fun stuff happens late!  Some good primetime TV shows don’t even air until after 10pm.  But the best way to make a habit in your life is to make a plan and then stick to it.  The first night might be tough – if you’ve been going to sleep late, it’ll take some adjustment to fall asleep earlier.  But if you’re consistent, your body will begin to adapt to the change.  Before you know it, you’ll be falling asleep more consistently and easily.

Journal.

Oftentimes difficulty sleeping is due to a racing mind full of thoughts that haven’t been categorized from the day previous.  However, the brain needs sleep in order to categorize and process that information.  One way to do this is to keep a journal before bed.  This can be a list of worries that are on your mind, a gratitude journal, or just a record of the day.  Make it your own.

Get an actual alarm clock.

…and leave your phone downstairs.  Scrolling through your Facebook news feed or reading articles on Pinterest late at night is a common way to let time get away from you, and before you know it you’re getting to bed an hour later than you normally would.  The light from the screen also interferes with your brain’s ability to shut off and fall asleep.  Leave your phone in its charger in another room, and set your old-school alarm clock to wake you up in the morning.

Or use the Sleep Cycle app.

For those of you who can’t leave your phone elsewhere during the night, I recommend that you purchase the Sleep Cycle app.  For a low cost, you get a great app that allows you to track your sleep quality with fun charts that show you when you are in both heavy and light sleep.  You can also track different behaviors (such as exercising and drinking coffee) to see how they affect your sleep quality. One of the best features is the alarm clock, which has a feature that will gradually wake you up at the time when you are in your lightest stage of sleep during the half hour before you set your alarm to wake you, to make you more refreshed in the morning. 

Read before bed.

You’ve likely heard that it’s important to shut off any screens and put yourself in a more dimly lit room about an hour before bed in order to wind down and prepare your body and mind for sleep.  I’m going to take that a step further and encourage you to read a book or magazine before bed.  Reading can provide a mental break from the stressors of your everyday life, you can learn something new – or honestly, it could be what puts you to sleep itself.  My only recommendation is that you not read a compelling novel – or you may find yourself staying up later than you had planned!

While these may not be novel ideas, I hope that you can take one of these concepts and make it a part of your nightly routine.  I believe that taking steps to care for yourself by getting a sufficient amount of sleep can be a game-changer for your mental health and quality of life.

Self-Care Saturdays: An Attitude of Gratitude

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

Why is it that November is the only month of the year that we place an emphasis on being thankful or grateful?  Practicing authentic gratitude throughout the year can have a profound effect on your mental health and well-being.  

A regular practice of gratitude has been shown to inspire health benefits including increased exercise, optimism, and reduced physical pain.  Gratitude is a practice that has a multitude of mental health benefits, such as better sleep, reduced depression, and reduced stress.  Studies by the National Institute of Health indicate that gratitude can increase dopamine in your brain, which serves as a “reward” hormone to make you feel good.

Gratitude also has spiritual benefits.  When we thank God for the gifts He has given us, we are then better able to receive those gifts with gratitude rather than continuing to demand more.  Psalm 23:1 says, “The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need.”  Meditating on this verse helps me to be aware of all the needs I have that are being met, rather than comparing my current status with what I wish I had.

Oftentimes, if we struggle with depression or anxiety, gratitude isn’t our first response.  Instead, we face hopelessness about our life circumstances.  We can have a thought pattern of only seeing the negative in our lives, without taking the time or energy to appreciate the good things we experience.  I personally can tend to default to a more “glass half empty” frame of mind.

But what if, instead of only looking at the bad, we chose to see all the good in our lives?  Have you heard of the difference between the “scarcity mentality” and the “abundance mentality”? The scarcity mentality says, “I’ll never have enough/what I want,” while the abundance mentality comes from the perspective of “I have all that I need.”  How might it feel if you chose gratitude for the abundance in your life rather than focusing on things you lack? 

Here are some ways you can practice gratitude in your daily life. 

Keep a gratitude journal.

Each night before bed, or each morning when you wake up, take some time to write out a list of things you are grateful for in a journal designated for just that purpose.  You could take Ann Voskamp’s approach and write a list of three different things you’re grateful for on a daily basis, culminating in over 1000 different things to be grateful for in one year.  In the past, I’ve combined this practice with the practice of an examen to reflect on my day and the good and bad that happened throughout.  Looking back over this journal, it is easy to see how full our lives are of good things, and to experience joy at the gifts we have. 

Practice gratitude in your relationships.

We often become so accustomed to loved ones in our lives that we begin to lose sight of the ways they love or serve us.  This is a particular problem in marriages, where the praise and appreciation that are so prevalent at first tend to taper as you spend more and more time together.  Sit down with your partner or with a close friend today and share with them ways that you are grateful for who they are and what influence they’ve had on your life.

Sit in nature and write lists of all the things you see around you for which you are thankful.

Have you ever watched the TV show Planet Earth?  Whenever I flip on an episode of this or any other nature show, I'm fascinated by the creatures and landscapes that exist in this world and their beauty.  When we take the time to sit outside and look at the world around us (even in the winter!), we can connect with a world that is much bigger than we are.  We can also experience more peace and calm as a result.

Pray.

At times in the past, my gratitude journal has taken the form of a prayer journal, where I spend time thanking God for the blessings in my life.  Whether this takes the form of a nightly ritual or an extended conversation with God, it can be a refreshing and renewing practice for my faith and to remind myself that God has provided all that I need.  Sometimes combining prayer with a walk can be helpful, as it allows space to be in nature as well.  Another area we can practice gratitude in prayer is paying attention to answered prayers: what have you been praying for where God has provided an answer? 

Write a thank-you note!

We’re taught as children to write thank you notes for the gifts we get at parties, and we often continue that practice with other special events in our lives, like weddings and baby showers.  While this custom tied to formal events can feel rote and like a chore, what would it feel like for you to write a thank you note to a friend…just because?  Try sending a thank-you card to a friend or family member for no reason other than to practice gratitude for the ways they’ve been present in your life.

Stop comparing yourself to others!

This is a big one, and I can often be the #1 culprit.  When we compare ourselves to others, even if we do so in order to view ourselves more favorably, that is not gratitude.  In fact, when we do it, it often leaves us with kind of an icky feeling.  Gratitude is about finding the things that are positive in your own life, without comparing to anyone else.

What step will you take this week to practice gratitude in your life?

Self-Care Saturdays: How a Journaling Practice Can Change Your Life

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

Journals often evoke memories of the “dear diary” days of elementary and middle school where we would write down (what felt like) the most important parts of our lives.  As we became adults, many of us may have left that practice behind, deeming it as childish.  Or the time we normally would have spent writing is taken up by the demands of daily life.

But I’m here to tell you to bring this practice back!  Keeping up a habit of writing the day's events or another way of recording life has positive psychological benefits.  For individuals who struggle with anxiety or depression, journaling can be a great way to process emotions and cope.  It also provides self-care for anyone looking to understand themselves better.

Here are a few of the benefits for journaling:

Journaling provides stress relief.

When dealing with stress and anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed by the thought that it is all too much, writing down the anxious thoughts your having can be a good way to release them from the hold they may have on your mind.  Keeping track of thoughts that pop into your mind and the level of anxiety that you feel while thinking them can be a great strategy for reducing your stress.

Journaling nurses your creativity.

Journaling leads you to look at your own life through a creative lens by expressing yourself using words and descriptions for your own experiences and emotions.   If you are someone who enjoys writing, a journaling practice can help you break past some of the fears you may have surrounding your writing.

Journaling leads you to slow down and give yourself space to reflect on your emotions and experiences.

For many of us, life tends to go at a pretty frenetic pace, and in the midst of the crazy, we get caught in a loop of reacting impulsively to daily events rather than considering our options.  Slowing down and identifying the emotions you are feeling and the ways they affect your decisions can help you to pay more attention to them and thoughtfully respond to your circumstances.  Reflecting on emotions and cognitions can also help to have a more positive outlook in your life.

Journaling provides an outlet for negative emotions and gives you space to grieve.

If you are feeling angry, we would probably all agree that it’s not the best idea to punch a fist through the wall.  Writing can help you to take a break from the heated situation, slow down, and look at what might be lying behind that negative emotion.  Similarly, when you experience a major loss, grieving can feel like a foreign concept, and you can be left without a clue of how to help yourself process and feel better.  Journaling can be a tool to help move through the grieving process.

Journaling has physical health benefits. 

Writing has been shown to help those who suffer from terminal or life threatening diseases.  Part of this is the effect that writing has on our immune systems.  One theory for this is that writing helps us to keep from bottling up emotions, and suppressed emotions can lead to undue stress.

Hopefully I've succeeded in convincing you that journaling is a helpful practice you can take up, but then comes the question: how do I do it?  There are lots of different options out there for journaling, and I’ve used several at different times in my life for different purposes.  Pick one or two of the options below that sounds appealing to you, and get started!

Stream-of-Consciousness Journal

This is often a good place to start.  Write down whatever comes to mind.  This doesn’t have to be an hours-long process, but even if you jump in with 5 minutes or so of writing, you’ll be surprised at how quickly it starts to come.  Many people do this practice as “morning pages”, described as three pages daily of stream-of-consciousness writing.

Gratitude Journal

Taking time to list things for which you are grateful has many positive benefits psychologically.  One particular benefit that feels most impactful to me personally is the effect gratitude can have on your view of your circumstances: rather than feeling worried about the things you don’t have, it can help you to see all the positive aspects that already exist in your life.

Prayer Journal

This is one of my favorite journaling strategies: write out your prayers in a journal as if you have having a conversation with God.  For those of us who are extroverts, this feels more relational than a stream-of-consciousness journal, and it can provide a way for you to connect spiritually and experience emotions with God.

Examen 

Examen (or examen of consciousness) is an Ignatian spiritual practice done at the end of each day to review the day’s events for the presence or absence of God.  I’ve also heard it simplified as listing the positive and negative aspects of the previous day.  You can choose what feels comfortable to you, but this nightly practice can be a good way for you to reflect back on the day and identify patterns of positive experiences to increase or negative patterns to avoid.

Emotions Journal

As mentioned earlier, emotions are often hard to define, or they can be tricky to discern between.  Take some time to use a Feelings Wheel like this one to identify what feeling you’re having, and then answer these questions: “What am I feeling?  How do I know I’m feeling that way?  How intensely do I feel that way?  What do I want to do as a result?  What happened just before I started feeling that way?  How do I wish I were feeling instead?”

Art Journal

You may be someone who expresses themselves not so much in words, but in pictures.  If you’re someone who loves to draw or create pieces of art, do so in a way that expresses your emotions and experiences and allows you the space to process your daily experience.  There are plenty of ideas available with a quick Google search – choose one that feels right to you!

How will you take a step to try journaling this week? 

A Toddler's Secret to Mindfulness

Have you ever spent an extended period of time with a toddler, watching what they do and listening to what they talk about?  There’s something special about the way children interact with the world.  As adults, we can become consumed by timelines and schedules and priorities.  But those things don’t matter to kids – they see things through different eyes.

Before I became a therapist, I worked for a few years as a childcare provider for young children.  One 2-year-old I watched was notorious for getting easily distracted – a simple walk along the sidewalk could take what felt like ages, as he would find stop every few feet to point out an insect, pick up a rock, or comment on the leaves scattered around the neighbor’s yard.

One day, I followed him up the stairs so he could get dressed, chatting about what we were going to do that morning.  In my mind, I was planning each step for our entire day, almost by the minute.  To be honest, I was rushing him a bit too.  (We were going upstairs, which is always a several minute production for a toddler learning to climb...and always having to do everything without my help.)

I started listing off our plans for the day.  "Okay, after we get dressed we're going to get ready to drive in the car, and then we're going to go to Target to get something and look at the Christmas trees, and then we'll have our playdate, and then..."  The little one suddenly stopped on the stairs and said, "NO."  I assumed he meant he didn't want to leave the house, so I started reminding him of all the fun things we were going to do and how he would have to leave in order to do those things.  He stopped me again, and said:

"No.  Getting dressed upstairs."

And it hit me.

While I was fluttering around thinking about all the things we were going to do that day, this little one was focused on the one thing right in front of him.

Which was, evidently, going upstairs to get dressed.  Honestly, I was probably overwhelming him by hitting him with all these plans and ideas when he could only handle thinking about one thing at a time.

How often do we tend to do this in our lives?  We mentally jump so far ahead into the future and end up trying to juggle thinking about 27 things at once.  For me, it can start simply, where I'm thinking about whatever's coming next in my day.  Or it can happen on a long-term level, where I analyze my career or my relationships.  Or deeper still than that: I can feel such concern over my dreams and ambitions, or my fears of failure, or not measuring up to a professional or spiritual standard.  These worries can cripple me in a place of discouragement and hopelessness at my lack of progress.

And just like this 2-year-old, if I let all those worries flood into my mind, I get overstimulated, overwhelmed, and I shut down.

This moment spoke a truth to me that I needed to embrace at that point in my life: just stop.  Stop trying to figure out every detail.  Stop trying to think about the next big thing, the next stage I want to enter in life, or all those questions that I feel the need to have answered.  Let go of the obsessive anxiety and attempts at gaining control over my circumstances, which I think will keep me safe and protect me from harm.  The pride I had in believing I could control my life was being shaken by the wisdom of a toddler.

The truth reinforced in me that day was this: when we become caught up in negative thoughts about the past, or worries about the future, we lose sight of the beauty of the present moment.  We miss all that is happening right in front of us when we’re caught up in those stresses.  While planning and creating a vision for the future has a time and place, on a day-to-day basis, it is important to take things just one step at a time.  When we choose to be mindful of the present moment, we experience fewer negative emotions, less stress, increased focus and memory, less emotional reactivity, happier relationships, and plenty of other health benefits.

When I walk in the present moment of life, I feel so much more gratitude for the things around me.  I experience the grace that comes with knowing I don't have to have it all together, and I don't have to be perfect or achieve all the things I desire to achieve in my life.   And I can rest in the simplicity of life where I'm not always rushing ahead to the next thing and trying my hardest to control every outcome.

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34 (NLT)

Who knew a 2-year-old would have a wiser outlook on life than I would.

One step at a time.

Self-Care Saturdays: 7 Ways to Get Yourself Moving

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

If you would’ve told 14-year-old me that I would be running half-marathons by the time I was in my twenties, I’d laugh in your face.  Or more accurately, cross my arms in a huff and roll my eyes.  Though I ran hurdles and sprints on the track team, I HATED distance running and avoided cross country like the plague.

But something shifted in my early adult years.  I was fresh out of college and struggling with depression.  At a seminar I went to about depression and anxiety, one of the presenters named that exercise was a good way to boost his mood.  I decided to give running another try.  And this time around, with no pressure to be fast, I began to enjoy it.  I looked forward to running.  And let me tell you – it is one major factor that I can look back on and credit as changing my struggle with depression.

We all know the well-touted benefits of exercise. In fact, studies have shown that exercise can have comparable effects to antidepressant medication.  But when Netflix is calling your name, or the 5am alarm for a morning workout is just too early, we don’t prioritize those health benefits we’ve heard about.

Here’s a list of different tips you can use to beat that magnetic force that holds you to the couch.

Start Small (But Significant!)

If you walk out of your door thinking, “I’m going to run 5 miles today” when you haven’t strapped on your running shoes for 6 months, you’ll probably get to about a mile before the weight of that decision hits you – hard.

If you haven’t worked out for several months, start with something small.   It can be as simple as adding 20 sit-ups or 10 push-ups to your morning routine, walking around your block after dinner, or doing half of a Pilates video.  Be proud of what you accomplish!  You don’t have to be a bodybuilder to be fit and get healthy.  When you start small, you can begin to slowly increase as you feel comfortable, and before you know it you’ll be surprised at how much you can accomplish. 

Do Something You Love

If running makes you feel like you are dying, or if you dread going to your workout class, you’re not likely to follow through and actually exercise.  Just because everyone you know is into running/yoga/weight training, that doesn’t mean that it’ll work for you.

If you like walking your dog, extend your walk for another 15 minutes and explore a park or neighborhood nearby that you haven’t gone to before.  If you like dancing, have a dance party in your living room for 20 minutes with your favorite playlist.  There are so many options out there for how to exercise that I believe there is one that each person can enjoy.

Focus on the First Step

Picture a typical morning where you think about going to the gym to complete a workout.  Chances are, if you’re on the couch at home in your pajamas, you’re much more likely to stay at home.  On the other hand, if you’re in the car on the way to the gym in your athletic clothes, you’re probably more likely to work out.

Use this fact to focus your energy on just that first step you need to take to make exercise happen.  Instead thinking about how tired you’ll be during your workout, concentrate instead on changing your environment to motivate you to complete whatever exercise you want to be doing.

Go Outside

If you want to kill two birds with one stone, do your workout outside!  Not only will you get the mood-boosting endorphins of a workout, but you’ll get the happy effects of vitamin D and some fresh air into your lungs.  Studies have shown that exercising outside is associated with additional health benefits, and it also can provide motivation to return for another workout. Live somewhere where it’s overcast, rainy, or snowy?  Try it anyway! Going for a run in bad weather makes me feel extra intense and committed, which is an automatic mood boost. 

Work Out with a Friend

Find a friend who wants to get fit as well, and sign up for a class with them or make plans to work out together.  When you work out with a friend, you’ve got the built-in accountability to keep you on your exercise schedule.  And it always helps to have someone to go out to coffee with after a workout!

Invest in Yourself

Spending a little cash to take care of your physical health is worth it.  Buy a fitness tracker and use it as a tool to compete with your friends and neighbors on how many steps you’ve achieved that day.  Sign up for a gym membership or a workout class that you have to pay for – the financial investment may lead to a sense of emotional investment as well.  Register for a race in advance, knowing that you’ll have to be trained in time or you will lose the (often quite pricey) race registration fee.

Use Free Resources Where Available

On the flip side, if money is something that holds you back from exercise, you have plenty of resources you can use to get started even without that gym membership!  Check out free YouTube channels that offer yoga or workout videos.  Check out a book about exercise or a workout DVD from your local library.  In the past, I’ve even used the On Demand feature on my cable network to find kickboxing and other workout videos – they may be cheesy, but they get the job done!

What’s your next step to practice self-care through exercise?

5 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself in the New Year

It’s here: the new year.  For some of you, it feels like a fresh start full of new opportunities and hope for the future.  You may just want to leave 2016 behind and forget it ever happened.  For others, it might feel like time is passing too quickly, you’re disappointed in the past year, or you’re not sure what to hope for in 2017.

When you look back at 2016, what stands out to you personally?  Do you have hope for 2017?  If so, what are you hoping for?  Maybe you’ve made some resolutions or goals for the year and you’ve already broken them - I know I have.  It can be easy to blame ourselves or feel disheartened as we see dreams or desires not come to fruition.

How can we look back at the last year with kind eyes?  What do we do when our resolutions start to fall through, 2017 looks discouraging, or change isn’t happening as quickly as we’d like?

Here are some tips on how to be kind to yourself as you look back over the past year and plan for the new.

Celebrate the good from this past year.

If you’re facing depression or anxiety, it can be more natural to focus on the negative from the past year.  We can get hung up on things we did wrong, dreams we didn’t accomplish, goals gone unmet, desires left unfulfilled.  Instead, take a moment to look back on the year and make a list of things for which you can be grateful.  Give yourself credit for successes, no matter how small.  Celebrate by creating a symbol of those memories: it could be a collection of photos, a quote or verse that sums up the year for you, or a theme word or phrase.

Accept the things that have remained the same.

I’m a big journaler – it provides a release for me, but it’s also a helpful tool for reflection.  This New Year’s Day, I opened one of my journals from the beginning of 2016 to review the year and realized that I had written down almost the same disappointments and desires for change this year as I had the previous year.  My perfectionist self was unhappy. I could (and almost did) believe that nothing would ever change.  Instead, I had to choose to see myself as an imperfect person.  I needed to accept the ways in which I hadn’t changed this past year and know that I will be okay, even if I am not perfect.

I may always tend to experience life in a certain way due to my unique personality and emotions.  But instead of feeling worse by trying to fit the mold of what I “should” be experiencing, it is important accept both the gifts and the drawbacks of that personality trait and love myself through it.

Grieve the losses you’ve experienced.

Many of us have likely experienced loss in the past year.  It could’ve appeared in many ways: the death of a relative, a divorce, friendships coming to a close.  Loss can also come with positive changes, like a new job or a move to a new city.  Any of these could have made 2016 feel tinged with sorrow and sadness.  It could be easy to close the door on the year and choose never to think of those things again.  But pain can fester and affect us if we don’t give ourselves time and space to grieve the losses we experience.  Allow yourself to experience the sadness that may come, and seek out safe people to talk to and help you through your grief.

Set one small goal.

Set yourself up for success!  Resolutions can tend to be a bunch of vague goals, like “lose weight, exercise more, organize my house, be a better parent/spouse/friend.”  No wonder no one keeps resolutions like that – they’re overwhelming!  And since they aren’t particularly specific, it can be hard to find a next step to take for them.  This year, choose one small goal that has a baby step you can take in the first week of the year.  Make sure your goal SMART (specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time-bound), as that means you’re more likely to make it happen!  Better yet, choose something that you’ll find fun or enjoyable – the more you like doing something, the more likely you’ll be to keep doing it.

Choose one value to focus on in the year ahead.

There is a practice that some people take toward the new year where they name a word or short phrase that they want to be their focus for the upcoming year. Maybe you’d like to experience more calm, hope, or adventure in your life.  This can be a helpful tool to narrow down your vision for the year to just one item. Choose a value in which you desire to grow, and allow your choices for the year to be defined by that core value.

This year, instead of beating yourself down into the ground with those failed resolutions and negative views of the past year, use these ideas to both celebrate the year that’s gone by and create a rewarding 2017!