Facing Your Powerlessness in Addiction Recovery

The First Step of any 12 Step program requires you to admit your powerlessness over your drug of choice.  This shows that admitting powerlessness is a foundational component of seeking healing.  Why is that?

Have you ever heard the term “dry drunk”?  It refers to an alcoholic who hasn’t touched alcohol in years, but hasn’t admitted to their own powerlessness over the addiction.  They may not be drinking anymore, but the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that got them into alcoholism in the first place haven’t changed.  Getting sober this way sets you up for relapse because the deeper causes and reasons for your addiction aren’t being addressed, they’re just being avoided. Recovery is a multifaceted approach to addressing addiction that requires serious life reflection and commitment to change.

You cannot heal from addiction independent from the support of others, God, and the tools of recovery.  Thinking you ought to have power over your addiction is like thinking you can tough your way through a major illness: there are biological realities at play in addiction with which you need to contend.  Believing you have control over your addiction shows pride in thinking you can handle it all on your own.  It also shows a lack of recognition of the role of God, or a Power higher than yourself, as the power you need to rely on to draw you out of powerlessness against addiction.

What is powerlessness?

To recognize powerlessness over your addiction is to face the reality that you don’t have the self-control, discipline, or power to stop your addiction on your own. Usually this is highlighted by continuing addictive behaviors despite (sometimes severe) consequences for your actions.  Maybe you’ve violated your personal values in your addiction, or you’ve gone further or deeper than you expected you would.  You recognize that none of your efforts to stop have truly worked, and that the addiction has caused destruction and chaos in your life.

Admitting powerlessness requires getting honest with yourself about reality, instead of the “stinkin’ thinkin’” (delusion and denial) that enables your addiction.  It involves realizing that your attempts at self-control are not cutting it, and that you need to rely on others to support you in gaining discipline and control. 

It may seem like admitting powerlessness is giving up, but the exact opposite is true.  Powerlessness isn’t meant to lead to hopelessness, but rather to a greater sense of hope and agency in your life.  Recognizing this powerlessness over addiction is not the same as saying you have no power to create change in your life.  Instead, it means that the way out of your addiction requires you to rely on the support of other people, God, and the time-tested tool of recovery as lifelines to pull you out of the raging sea of addiction. 

As you ask yourself whether or not you’re recognizing your own powerlessness, there are a few different phrases or ways of thinking to notice.  Pay attention to the statements below that sound familiar to you. 

Overt Denial of Powerlessness

“I can stop anytime I want.”

This belief assumes that you have enough power over your addictive behaviors to stop.  It denies the reality of all the other unsuccessful attempts you’ve made to stop as a result of major consequences.

“I can handle this on my own.”

Relying on your own independent attempts to control your behavior has likely led to more failure than success in the past.  Believing you have enough power to stop on your own feeds isolation and pride, both of which are fuel for continuing in addiction.

“Maybe they need help, but I’m different.”

Often when you attend your first 12 Step meeting or read stories about others’ addictions, this thought can cross your mind.  But this assumption of uniqueness minimizes the impact of your current addiction on yourself and others.

Subtle Denial of Powerlessness

While the statements above might be obvious refusals of powerlessness, you might more readily identify with some of the subtle ways denial can creep in. 

“I should be able to stop this behavior.”  “I just have to be better/do better.”

A foundational truth in recovery is that you cannot stop or do better on your own.  This belief assumes that you should be able to do recovery by yourself instead of relying on the support of other people.  It forgets the unsuccessful efforts you’ve made to stop in the past, even though many of them came out of a place of trying to do better. 

“I need to punish myself to make myself stop.”

You might have this thought if you come from a family background that was rigid, with strict rules and no tolerance for mistakes.  It is linked to a shame-based identity or view of self as fundamentally flawed or bad at the core.  Physical punishment, deprivation, social withdrawal, or any other way of punishing yourself increases feelings of despair and hopelessness.  And since addictive behaviors are the primary way you cope with distress and pain, you’ll return to those in a heartbeat.

“If I can just get my life in order, I’ll be fine.”

Constantly attempting to get your life under control when you are living in chaos is fruitless.  The addiction has worn away at your self-control and self-discipline.  You need to learn those skills anew through the tested work of recovery before you’ll be able to apply them to other areas of your life.

“If I can just get through this difficult circumstance, I’ll be fine.”

Depending on circumstances to change for things to get better will mean that you’re waiting forever, because there will always be another distressing circumstance that can be used as a reason for not moving forward.  This mindset also leaves your life up to chance, rather than leading you to take ownership of what you do have control over: yourself.

“It’s not a big deal if I skip my meeting/sponsor call/support group/therapy session, etc.”

Minimizing the importance of these consistent practices of recovery is a recipe for slipping back into addiction.  One skip becomes two, which becomes five, and before you know it you’ve gone months without receiving the support you need for your recovery.

“If I can’t do everything, it’s not worth doing anything.”

Alternatively, you might feel overwhelmed by the idea of taking on all the work of recovery.  You might beat yourself up for missing a meeting or having a slip and then throw out all your other positive, recovery-based practices with it.  Don’t set yourself up for failure by expecting perfection, because perfection in this process is impossible.

“I had a slip/relapse, which means I’m back at square one.”

Slips and relapse are part of the normal trajectory of recovery.  To say they bring you back to square one dismisses the work you’ve done so far in your recovery journey.  See slips as a learning opportunity.  Use them to learn about additional supports you need, the needs or desires that drove you to act out, or catalysts or triggers that create more temptation.

“I’ll never get better.  I’m a lost cause.”

You assume that the process that has helped thousands of others won’t work for you.  It presumes your own uniqueness or difference, as referenced earlier.  Submit yourself to the process of recovery and allow yourself the gift of patience while you wait for it to take hold.

The Language of Powerlessness

What is the more accurate way of looking at your process in recovery, in light of powerlessness?  Choose statements from the list below to combat the mistaken or faulty beliefs you’ve identified from the overt or subtle ways of denying your own powerlessness above.  Alternatively, you can use this entire list as a daily affirmation to support you in your recovery. 

“I need to surrender to God/my Higher Power.”

“I need support and accountability to get better, and I can find that in my support group/12 Step group/with my therapist, etc.”

“I am unable to stop this behavior without the tools of recovery.”

“There is a proven path to recovery that I can rely on to move forward.  It works if I work it.”

“When I don’t know what to do, I can ask for help.”

“I am able to make small, manageable choices toward recovery today.”

“I am seeking progress, not perfection.”

“There is no better day than today to start or re-commit to my recovery.”

“I can handle this one day at a time.”

Breaking Free of the Drama: How Stepping Off the Karpman Triangle Improves Your Relationship (Part 2 of 2)

Part 1 introduced the dynamics of the Karpman Drama triangle in relationships.  It explored how the power struggles and dynamics of victim, perpetrator, and rescuer can keep you caught in a toxic dance with your partner.   

Now, we’ll turn to focus on creating change in your relationship through jumping off the Karpman triangle into a healthier way of relating.  Each of the three roles of the triangle has an alternative counterpart that allows you to experience freedom from the dysfunctional dance of power in the drama triangle.  These three parts must be experienced in the order that follows. 

Taking Responsibility

The counterpart to the victim role is taking responsibility for the adult self and approaching yourself with kindness, empathy, and courage.  This is the most important step: the following two steps cannot be achieved without completing this step first.

Taking responsibility requires getting in touch with the part of you that feels like a victim.  Typically this part of you feels young, like a child version of yourself.  Often this is because the victim role reacts to your unmet needs or desires from childhood.  Working through these unmet needs in therapy can help you understand why you react so strongly to situations in your present-day life.  Therapy will help you learn to establish self-care routines and healthy communication in relationships to soften these strong reactions.

Our reactions to distressing situations relate to coping mechanisms or survival instincts picked up in childhood that we now repeat as a way of protecting ourselves.  Those old patterns often don’t work in the way that they used to, yet we go back to them because they are familiar.

As an adult, you no longer have to be beholden to these patterns of coping.  You can choose a new way of living instead of just surviving, which is what taking responsibility is all about.  It involves reminding yourself that, as an adult, you can make different choices.  Oftentimes as children we felt powerless.  This step is a way to reclaim a sense of power and self-assurance to work for what you want instead of feeling powerless.

Come up with a mantra or statement that embodies a different way of viewing yourself.  For example, in the victim role, you might see yourself as unlovable or worthless.  Instead, in taking responsibility, you’ll acknowledge and own the reality that you are lovable and of great worth.  As you acknowledge these realities, you’ll notice the fog of shame lifts and you’ll be able to see your path out of the drama triangle more clearly.

Examining Options

Once you’ve taken responsibility by acknowledging the impact of past wounds and your capabilities and power as an adult, you can then move into examining the options in front of you.  This counterpart to the perpetrator role is a healthier way of coping with feeling trapped in the victim role.

After acknowledging your adult capabilities, make yourself a list of all the different options in front of you.  Remember in this list that you are only in control of yourself: your actions, thoughts, attitudes, and responses to emotions.  You cannot control other people. When your choice hinges on the actions of someone else, this is a setup to get caught up in the drama triangle again.  Instead, look at what you have control over and what changes you can make. 

Brainstorm in this step: write down everything you can possibly think of for different options, even if they seem “out there” or impossible.  If you’re doing this with someone else, such as your spouse, know that you don’t have to agree 100% on these: you’re just getting ideas on the table.  Once you’ve brainstormed several ideas, you might notice a cohesive theme starting to form that will lead you toward the next step. 

One important note: if you find yourself feeling like a victim again or re-entering the drama triangle, notice this and know that it is normal to slip back into old patterns.  Pause and go back to the core of the victim role you identified earlier and repeat the process of taking responsibility for yourself.

Negotiate to Make a Choice

Once all your options are laid out, you’re prepared to make a choice with the knowledge in front of you.  Rather than attempting to take on the world through the rescuer role, negotiating requires inviting relationship and enlisting the help of others.  Identify which of your options is the best possible outcome with all the information you’ve gathered.  Make a plan on how to implement this choice.  Take an action step as soon as possible to get this choice moving so that you don’t forget and slip into old patterns. 

This choice will likely involve some difficulty or change in your life, and you may be tempted to jump back onto the drama triangle to return to something that feels familiar.  Remind yourself of your vision for ending the drama of feeling trapped and the experience of the victim role.  You may have to learn to set boundaries or ask for what you need more readily, but the hard work will be worth it.

Power Dynamics in Love: How Understanding the Karpman Drama Triangle Can Save Your Relationship (Part 1 of 2)

Here we go again.

The familiar scene plays out as you hear your spouse’s voice rise in anger.  They’re targeting you and criticizing you again for something you’ve done wrong.  Why is it always my fault?  I never see other couples fighting like this.  You feel beaten down, exhausted, and maybe even a little ashamed.

But as your spouse’s criticism digs deeper, your tone subtly starts to shift.  You raise your voice in response: “You think I’m the problem?   It’s not like you’re helping!”  You then launch into your own volley of criticisms, anger causing you to yell and berate your spouse, saying things you know you’ll later regret.  In your rage, you might even break things or throw an object across the room.

As you unleash your anger, you notice a look of fear cross your spouse’s eyes.  Suddenly you get hit with a wave of guilt.  What am I doing?  I shouldn’t be yelling.  Why did I let my temper get out of hand?  You start to backpedal, looking for ways to make your spouse feel better.  You make promises to change, to be more loving and kind, to help out around the house more often, whatever it is to appease the situation.

And perhaps you succeed at this for a day or two, but eventually you feel taken advantage of once again.  You see yourself trying to change, but your spouse hasn’t changed at all.  As your annoyance rises, you decide to bring it up again, and your spouse reacts in anger.

And so the cycle begins again.

The Karpman Drama Triangle

Does this sound familiar to you?  The scene above describes the power dynamics at play in the Karpman drama triangle.  Stephen Karpman (https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/) a psychiatrist specializing in transactional analysis, developed this model to describe the constantly shifting power dynamics in relationships.  These dynamics are common in addictive relationships.   

Image Source: https://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2008/06/the-faces-of-victim/

We all play each of these three roles in our relationships, but you may tend to start your spiral around the triangle in one of the three types: victim, persecutor, or rescuer.  Where you join the triangle stems from your experiences in your family-of-origin.  You might even find yourself experiencing all three roles internally, as you use internal criticism to try to motivate yourself (persecutor), only to become exhausted and overwhelmed (victim) and attempt rescuing yourself from your pain through addiction or numbing behaviors (rescuer).

Taking on any one of these three roles provides a distraction from your own issues that need to be addressed or the true problem.  While these patterns are learned in childhood from watching others interact and communicate, they may no longer be serving you. Eventually, all roles lead back to the victim, which adds to feelings of powerlessness to change.

Let’s learn about how these three interact.

The Victim

The victim is the “one down” position in the triangle.  In the victim role, you feel like a child or overly needy.  You might feel targeted or blamed with accompanying feelings of shame.  This shame often originates in past trauma.  The victim has unrealistic expectations of others and therefore is often disappointed when others don’t come through.

Often these expectations have to do with nurture or care, which victims feel incapable of providing for themselves.  In fact, the victim tends to feel unable to handle any stress or negative circumstances, as their shame-based low self-esteem and negative beliefs about themselves limit them from any agency to change.  Their lives happen to them rather than due to any power of their own.  However, they still feel resentful from always being “one-down” and incapable of helping themselves. 

An important note: the victim role is NOT equated with being a true victim of harm or abuse.  Many victims (or as I prefer to say, survivors) or trauma or abuse in childhood or adult years are empowered, responsible, and strong individuals who are taking ownership of their lives in mature and assertive ways.  If you are a survivor of trauma, abuse, or a spouse’s addiction, you ought to be treated with compassion for your experience of trauma.  You did not ask for the harm done to you, nor did you deserve it in any way.  The word “victim” here is meant to represent a role that is played in a relational dynamic that serves a protective purpose but ultimately doesn’t allow you to live into your true, authentic self. 

The Perpetrator

The perpetrator role, in contrast with the victim, feels and acts like a teenager.  They act out to deal with their discomfort or pain and protect themselves from the world, which they have learned is harmful and dangerous.  Experiencing abuse in family-of-origin can often lead to learning to bottle up anger in a way that comes out int he perpetrator role later.  Their behaviors are tied to feelings of shame, worthlessness, and fear.

This role is constantly defensive and has to be right, living in survival mode and lashing out at others.  Their defensiveness is a way of regaining power when they’ve been victimized or harmed, as they fear being powerless in situations like they experienced in childhood. Viewing themselves as the true victim, the perpetrator’s behaviors are motivated by a desire to have the other person feel their pain.  They often view the individual in the victim role with contempt and believe that their retaliation toward the victim Is simply giving the other person what they deserve.  Perpetrators may think, “I have to hurt them before they hurt me.”

In a relationship with addiction present, this is often the addict.  They are caught up in denial of their behaviors and have a difficult time admitting to their own experience of harming others.  This can be understood in light of the shame they feel: to admit that they are the perpetrator would be devastating to their need to be strong in the face of feelings of powerlessness.

The Rescuer

The rescuer is the “one up” position, typically characterized by feeling like a parent and superior to the two other roles.  Another way of categorizing this role is as a caretaker, which is often where many rescuers find their identity.  In addictive dynamics, this person is the enabler of the addict.  They often don’t like conflict or confrontation, and would rather smooth things over.

The rescuer’s “help” is meant not to truly benefit the other person, but instead to assuage their own anxiety and allow them to feel valued.  They believe that if they don’t help, everything will fall apart.  The rescuer can related to the victim in a codependent manner as they try to fix or save others.  In fact, they need to have someone to save, and can assume others can’t handle something and then take over. 

Rescuers don’t have needs – or at least, they deny that they do.  Since they are the one who helps everyone else and their value comes from this identity, they either don’t admit to their own needs or don’t see them as important.  Similar to the other roles, this tendency begins in childhood.  Eventually, however, the endless helping turns into feelings of resentment and bitterness, as they expect affirmation and appreciation for all they’ve done for others.  Yet they believe that if they are needed, they are loved, and are fearful of being abandoned if they stop helping.

In the next part, we’ll go into more depth about how to escape from the drama triangle through taking responsibility for yourself and your choices and setting boundaries.  For now, notice these patterns in your interactions with others.  How did your family interact with one another while you were growing up?  Where have you seen examples of these dynamics play out in your life or in the lives of others?

Finding Your Power Center: How To Leave Victimhood Behind and Own Your Power

If you’ve been on the receiving end of a spouse’s betrayal through an affair or sex and love addiction, there are times when you feel completely powerless and out of control.  Your partner’s behaviors and decisions baffle you.  Oftentimes the behaviors affect you directly, and it can be maddening to feel out of control.

Moments like these lead you to feel like the victim of someone else’s chaos or poor decision-making.  You may feel trapped, angry, or afraid of confrontation or change.  You’re probably also exhausted from trying to manage the emotional upheaval from dealing with the fallout of someone else’s actions, questioning whether or not you can trust them, and doubting your own self-worth.

How do I know I’m not in my power center?

When someone else’s actions or the circumstances around you leave you feeling like a victim, here are some symptoms you might notice:

• Reacting rather than responding

• Feeling trapped and stuck: “I just have to sit down and take it.”

• Intense and overwhelming emotions, such as fear, anxiety, or anger

• A sense of hopelessness: “Things will never change.”

• Powerlessness: “There’s nothing I can do about this.”

If you’re dealing with a partner’s sex and love addiction, here might be some other symptoms you notice:

• Denying or ignoring your partner’s addiction

• Avoiding signs that addiction is continuing

• Obsessively checking on your partner’s whereabouts and actions

• Enabling addictive behaviors by taking ownership/blaming yourself

• Attempting to control the addict’s behaviors

• Feeling like you’re the addict’s parent rather than partner

How do I reclaim my power center?

The biggest shift needed to reclaim your power is defining yourself as someone capable of creating change, rather than a victim.  This is difficult because it may be true that there are things outside your control.  The actions, thoughts, and decisions of others are not something you have the power to control.  However, you can choose how you think and act in response to these behaviors and meet your personal needs within difficult circumstances. 

Vicki Tidwell Palmer, in her book Moving Beyond Betrayal*, does a great job of outlining how to find your authentic personal power by moving from victim to victorious. She invites you to take a step back from chaotic situations to identify what you need and choose appropriate steps to get those needs met.  Be kind to yourself in this process, and don’t heap shame on yourself when you find yourself feeling like a victim again. Instead, feel empowered to make a different choice rather than feeling like your emotions are taking over.

At times, taking back power can be as simple as naming that you are powerless.  In the Twelve Steps, Step One involves admitting that you are powerless over the addictive behavior.  In truth, you are powerless over your partner’s behaviors, and admitting this truth frees you to make decisions that are best for your well-being.  This process can teach you to meet needs through supportive relationships and friendships, self-care, and spirituality.

In particular with addicts who are either in denial or in active addiction, it can be easy to get caught up in the cycle of feeling like a victim or enabling their behavior.  Instead, admit that you are powerless over the denial itself.  While you can communicate the effect your partner’s behaviors have on you, you will need to support yourself with appropriate boundaries.  Setting boundaries to protect yourself and meet needs in healthy ways will allow you to reclaim power over your own life.

Practical Next Steps

Practice grounding exercises when you’re experiencing intense emotional responses.

Grounding exercises are a way that you can reconnect with the present moment when your emotions threaten to take over.  Sit in a comfortable spot and pay attention to your breathing.  Place your feet flat on the ground and notice the sensation of the ground beneath your feet.  Hold an object that has a unique texture, such as a smooth rock or a soft toy and connect with your sense of touch.  Practice the 5-4-3-2-1 breathing exercise (outlined in this article) where you connect deep breathing with noticing sensory information around you.

Pay attention to your body to identify what you need.

Check in with yourself emotionally by noticing the physical sensations in your body.  Identify previous times you have felt those physical sensations.  Ask yourself about those memories: what did you need at that time?  Safety?  Comfort?  Time alone?  Love?

Journal and reflect on these needs and identify healthy ways you can meet each of them.  For example, you might give yourself safety by removing yourself from situations that feel unsafe.  You can find comfort by calling or visiting a friend and talking with them about your experience.  You can feel love by spending time with a beloved pet or practicing self-love through kindness toward yourself.

Set a boundary or Make a request to move closer to what you need.

Some needs aren’t as easy to meet on your own.  In that case, you can make a request of your partner or others in order to get that need met.  Keep in mind that this request needs to be made with acceptance of the other’s response.  They have the right to say yes or no, and you will need to prepare for how you will respond in either case.

Setting boundaries is a helpful way to practice self-care or self-protection.  Boundaries are not meant to be a weapon or a punishment.  Instead, they are a tool by which you increase feelings of safety and stability in your life and relationships.  For example, if your spouse tends to raise his or her voice while having an argument, you might set a boundary that when he or she raises their voice, you will walk away from the conversation.  Or if your spouse continues sexually acting out, you may set a boundary of sleeping in separate bedrooms to help you feel safe.

Make agreements with your partner about supporting one another’s boundaries and needs.

Work together with your spouse to find compromise about current needs you each have in the relationship, especially in light of any addictive issues at play.  Identify the needs you listed above and come up with several possible solutions of how to resolve them.  Have a discussion with your partner about those needs and come to a place of compromise where you can both be satisfied with your agreement.  This conversation is likely best done in the context of a couples therapy session, if your partner is willing.   

When you’ve gotten to a place of compromise, write down the actions to which you and your partner have committed and sign them as agreements, giving a sense of gravity to the document.  If these agreements are not being honored by one or both of you, you have this physical document to revisit and have additional conversations about what might have caused the agreement to be broken.

For When We Wonder if We'll Ever Have Enough

Have you ever stopped to notice the multitude of desires you experience each day?  They can be as minor as for pizza for dinner that night, or as important as a desire for relationships or experiencing more joy in life.  Advertisers and marketers play on these desires of our hearts to influence us to want whatever product they’re selling.  They make promises that we’ll be happier, more attractive, or more successful when we purchase or use their product.

I recently listened to a sermon by Tim Keller of Redeemeer Presbyterian Church in New York City that spoke to this area: the feelings of desire or longing that overtake us, leaving us feeling unbalanced or as though we don’t have enough.  He shares a Bible passage from Numbers that takes place after God’s people, the Israelites, have just been released from slavery in Egypt.  In the course of the chapter, the Israelites complain about the lack of variety of food they are eating in the wilderness.  They desire to return to their slavery in Egypt because they had access to meat and rich food.  In their freedom, the Israelites lose sight of the harsh realities of their enslavement.

Many who fight against mental illness or addiction connect with this concept of forgetting past consequences and feeling enslaved to desire.  At the same time, all of us can understand experiences of desire and the hold they can have on us.  Think about the desires you have when you had a bad day at work.  Maybe you want to avoid talking to your coworkers, pick a fight with your spouse when you get home, or escape through eating, shopping, or endless hours of TV.

The First Step of Alcoholics Anonymous’ 12 Steps involves admitting powerlessness over our drug of choice, naming the fact that dependence on that substance led our lives to become unmanageable.  Whether that drug of choice looks like alcohol, sex, or escapism, it’s clear to see we are all powerless in some areas of our lives.  In fact, often when we believe we are powerful is when we are most powerless.

We are most powerless when we are unable to admit to our own powerlessness.

What are some of the desires you have in your life that come up again and again?  Maybe they are desires for good things, but they have overtaken your mind, emotions, and willpower and end up enslaving you.  Some of these desires might be for financial freedom, marriage and relationships, or a happier outlook on life.  Ask yourself how you would fill in this blank: “If only I had ________, my life would be better.”

What are your “if only”s?

But how many times have you seen people who give everything they have in search of this goal or desire, and when they finally receive the thing they want, they realize that it’s not enough?  Maybe you’ve noticed this in yourself: you thought marriage would make you happy, but now that you’re married, you feel more lonely than when you were single.  You thought having money would make life easier, but it feels like you’re constantly holding out for the next raise or promotion so you can achieve your next financial goal.  You can feel disappointment at constantly striving for the next thing and feeling as though you don’t have enough.

If you’ve ever had the thought, “If only I had _____________, my life would be better,” you’re able to catch a glimpse of the day-to-day world of addiction.

For an addict, the addictive substance or behavior is constantly demanding more and telling the person that they will be happy if they continue to chase the next high or thrill..  That constant refrain is what makes it so difficult for the addicts to stop their behavior: they are enslaved by the addictive behavior and are unable to see the effects it has on their mind, emotions, and will.

What then?  How do we cope with the craving and desire within us for more?  Start by connecting with your Higher Power.  Alcoholics Anonymous defines a Higher Power as “a power greater than ourselves” that restores sanity in our lives.  For the Christian, this Higher Power is God.  Building connection and trust with God involves acknowledging that all of our needs are met in Him, and seeking relationship with Him first and foremost because He meets our desires perfectly.

Use the knowledge you gain from connecting with your Higher Power to create a greater vision for your life.  Ask yourself: Who do I want to be known as?  What do I want people to say about me after I’ve gone?  What are the things I’d like to accomplish in my life?  What are the dreams that I have?

As you explore this vision further, spend some time with close friends or with a significant other brainstorming about what fulfilling those dreams would look like.  Have your friends hold you accountable for the priorities you’ve changed.  Talk about your dreams in which a way that you can begin to understand them further and make an attitude and action shift.

How might you begin to connect with God or with your vision for your life today?