Using the New Year as a Springboard for Recovery

For many of us, a new year represents a new beginning.  The practice of making resolutions reflects this energy surrounding the vision of a fresh start.  One calendar year ending and another beginning creates a natural moment for a reset, a time when we’re encouraged to pause and reflect on the progress of our lives. 

Whether you participate in setting resolutions or not, this fresh start may be just the push you need to commit (or re-commit) to your addiction recovery.  For those who battle sex and love addiction, the holidays leading up to New Year’s can be rife with triggers and reminders of pain. You may have coped by using addictive behaviors to self-medicate and had a relapse.  Use this as an opportunity to learn and start out fresh as you begin your new year. 

How to Make a Fresh Start in Addiction Recovery

Tell someone.

For those of you who are aware that you have a problem and aren’t quite sure what to do about it, the first step is to let someone else in to your struggle.  Typically, you’ve made attempts to stop on your own, but you realize how isolating addiction can be. This feels like the scariest step, as it involves a high level of vulnerability. 

Often it can be challenging to start out by sharing with our friends or family members, so it may be helpful to consider someone like a therapist or 12 Step group member to share with for your first time. Consider safe people in your life who will offer you love and acceptance when you share with them.

Go to your first 12 Step meeting.

Along with telling someone, beginning to attend 12 Step meetings and receive support are essential first steps in recovery.  A meeting may even be the first place you choose to share about your struggle. 

Most people feel fear or anxiety about attending a 12 Step meeting for the first time.  You might be thinking, What if I see someone I know there? or I’m not as bad as these people, I don’t need to go to these meetings.  I’ve noticed in my practice that involvement in 12 Step has been a game-changer for so many people in finding supportive community and a place where they can talk about their struggles with people who get it.

Search in your area for 12 Step meetings on their respective websites.  For sex and love addicts, I’d recommend Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), or Sexaholics Anonymous (SA).  In-person meetings are the best, but if there isn’t a local meeting in your area, you can also participate in online or phone meetings.  Take the leap.  It’s worth it. 

Seek out counseling.

Some can recover from addiction without ever setting foot in a counseling office.  But for many, counseling is an essential part of their recovery plan.  The additional support of specialized counseling for sex and love addiction can help you remain focused on your recovery goals.  It also gives you one person you know who will hold you accountable for your behaviors. 

Often addicts have no clue why they do what they do: it feels like they’re on autopilot.  If you resonate with that, counseling can help you explore the motivations and reasons behind your destructive behaviors and explore other options.  Addiction is also associated with past experiences of trauma, and counseling provides a space to explore healing from that trauma.

Get a sponsor.

For the same reason that having a counselor is incredibly impactful to recovery, having a sponsor is essential to success in a 12 Step program.  You need someone who can mentor you through the experience, guide you through the 12 Steps, offer accountability and support when you’re tempted to return to your addiction, or just be there on a consistent basis.

Often, connecting with a sponsor gives you a built-in pathway to community with the larger 12 Step network.  It is recommended that sponsors have at least one year of sobriety and have worked through the 12 Steps.  In order to achieve that, your sponsor likely has built relationships within the community.  He or she can connect you to those others and build a stronger foundation of relationships to support you on your path to recovery.

Do your First Step.

Working your way through the 12 Steps is a proven path to recovery.  12 Step programs wouldn’t be as popular or as recommended as they are if they didn’t actually work.  Commit to your own personal work through the program by starting at the beginning.

In the First Step, you are encouraged to admit your powerlessness over your addiction and your inability to manage it on your own.  This is a constant reminder of the humility every addict needs to keep them on track for recovery.  Even if you’ve worked through your First Step before, starting out a new year returning to the foundation of the 12 Step process can remind you of your need for the program in a new way. 

Begin working toward formal disclosure with your partner.

If you’ve been procrastinating on completing a formal disclosure, that makes sense.  Disclosure is a challenging process of becoming completely honest with your partner about your addictive behaviors.  However, complete honesty and integrity is the only way to build the foundation of your relationship and create trust with your partner.

Talk with your counselor about disclosure.  Begin by putting together a timeline of your addiction, including any changes, escalation, or attempts to stop.  Seek out a CSAT-certified therapist to walk you through the disclosure process, if you aren’t already working with one.

Offer service to others.

Step Twelve involves choosing to share your time or energy with others who are in recovery, which can serve multiple purposes.  First, it can redirect your focus from yourself and your own struggles to helping others.  Second, it can keep you accountable: if you’ve volunteered to help out at a meeting, you’re responsible for carrying out what you said you would do.  Third, helping others creates connection and community, as you interact with others while you’re helping.

Offer to run a meeting, set up chairs, or be a phone contact for a new member of your 12 Step group.  Share your First Step at a meeting so those who are new to your group can feel less alone.  If you’ve been in solid recovery for at least one year and have your own sponsor, consider becoming a sponsor to someone else and passing what you’ve learned along.

Living Out Your Values in Addiction Recovery

When you first enter recovery, it is often because you’ve come to a crisis point.  You’ve hit rock bottom in your addiction.  You’re forced to face the consequences of your behavior, like a spouse discovering your deception and threatening to divorce.  Intense feelings of depression or anxiety hit you like a wave, and you might even find yourself wanting to take your own life in the depths of your despair.

This initial motivation propelling you into recovery, however, tends to fade over time.  While attempting to stay motivated, many addicts recognize that they don’t have a strong sense of identity.  So much of who you are has been wrapped up in this addiction.  Leisure time has been spent acting out rather than on personal interests and hobbies.  Relationships have been superficial and shallow.  Perhaps your history of past trauma communicates (mostly negative) messages to you about who you are. 

Without that sense of identity, it can be challenging to determine what you value or what is important to you.  Your addiction has distorted what is important and places itself as the highest priority in your life.  When that addiction is removed through sobriety, it can feel like there is now a void in your life.  You might find yourself wondering: what does life look like after addiction?  This question often arises when you’re grieving losses associated with the consequences of your addiction, like loss of relationships, physical health, job, or financial resources.

How do I learn and live out my identity?

Staci Sprout, a fellow Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, shares that the key to developing your recovery for the long-term is identifying your vision and purpose.  The first step requires you to become more familiar with who you are.

It is essential to develop your identity in recovery because it can replace the narrative of shame you’ve lived under for so long.  Many addicts have also experienced abuse, trauma, or neglect in their childhoods that meant they weren’t celebrated for their unique personality and gifts.  If that sounds familiar to you, you may have no idea what your talents and personality are when you enter recovery, and you need to learn and celebrate your qualities that make you who you are.

When you have a more clear sense of your identity, that paves the way for you to connect with a vision for your future and a purpose to your life. 

Vision

Vision involves connecting with your “’why” – why are you committed to recovery?  Why are you making these changes in your life?  If you don’t have a clear picture of your “why,” motivation can wax and wane.

To connect with your vision, ask yourself some of the following questions:

• If you were free from the pull of addiction, what might change in your life?  What would be different?  What would you have more time to do?

• Addiction is often associated with shame and low self-esteem.  If you were free from addiction, how might you feel more confident? What effect might that confidence have on your life?

• Relationships often serve as motivators for change.  What relationships are important to you?  Who do you want to be in those relationships?

• You’re likely seeking out help from a therapist, 12 Step or support group, or even just reading books or articles online.  What do you hope to get out of those support experiences?  How will you know these have been successful for you?  What will change in your life?

• If you’ve completed a three-circle plan, ask yourself why the activities in your outer circle are important to you.  What purpose are they serving?

• What desires or wants do you have for your life?

When you answer these questions, you might begin to see a theme of values you hold.  Values include such things as family, marriage, mental health, career success, authenticity in relationships, service and volunteering, or advocating for causes that are important to you.  This leads well into the next stage, which is looking at purpose.

Purpose

Examining your purpose pushes you into a more existential frame of mind.  It requires you to ask questions like: why am I here?  What is my purpose on this earth?  What am I meant to do with this one life that I have? 

These questions can be challenging for a few reasons.  First, they put your mortality into greater focus, which can stir up challenging emotions.  Also, they are broad topics that can feel overwhelming to tackle.  If you are a person of faith, your Christian faith or other religious practices can inform your purpose, as they lead you to a sense of belonging to something greater than yourself. 

To make your purpose more practical, consider these questions:

• Use the values you identified in the above vision section and broaden then to fit your entire life.  Ask questions like: what might change about my actions if I wanted to live as if this value were my highest priority?  How might my life look different?

• If you’re involved in a 12 Step or support group, you may appreciate how others have helped you along in your recovery.  How might you want to give back?  How can your story of walking through recovery serve or help others?

• For those in middle-age or older, generativity is a major life goal – passing along the knowledge and wisdom you’ve gained.  How might you pass along this insight and wisdom to others?  How could you mentor younger adults in a similar career field, through their recovery journeys, or in their faith?

• For those who haven’t hit that generativity milestone, what life dreams have you considered or hoped for that you haven’t accomplished yet?  What might you still be able to do with the time you have left?

• What do you want others to stay about you after you’ve passed away?  What legacy do you want to leave?  How would you like to be described in a eulogy?

Exploring these questions related to life purpose can help you recognize the end goal of your sobriety and recovery work. Ultimately, your work isn’t only for you, but it is for those who will benefit after you.  By clarifying your vision and purpose for yourself, you’ll have a more clear path forward whether you are dealing with discouragement in your recovery journey or if you’ve hit a major milestone of sobriety and are looking for what’s next.

How Focus on the Essential Could Save Your Life

When you wake up in the morning, are you overwhelmed with the many tasks on your to-do list?  Maybe you’re a parent who feels stretched too thin between caring for children and keeping up with work tasks.  Or perhaps you feel under the thumb of the “tyranny of the urgent,” where every task seems to be top priority.  Maybe the things that really matter to you are slipping through the cracks.

How freeing might it be to focus on just one thing at a time?

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown* is a slim volume that helps you focus on one priority at a time instead of trying to spread your time and energy over too many tasks.  He helps you hone in on what’s important instead of what’s urgent.  He encourages trimming down on non-essential tasks in order to focus on what is truly vital to your well-being and your values.  He offers practical steps on how to define your priority, or “essential intent,” cut down on extra tasks, and create time to do what’s most important to you.

“If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”

— Greg McKeown

Impacts from Essentialism

He shatters the expectation of multiple “priorities.”

McKeown talks about the history of how we view the word “priority.”  In the past, calling something a priority meant it was the number one thing in your life at the top of the list.

But now the meaning of the word has changed.  We have “priorities” in the plural.  When we spread our priorities over multiple areas, then everything becomes a top priority and you can’t juggle it all.  You end up failing in some areas, struggling with decision fatigue from the weight of choices between priorities, and feeling less satisfied.

Instead, McKeown suggests focusing on one “essential intent” as a top value, truly making it your top priority.  This makes decisions easier as you hold up this top priority as the main factor in making deliberate decisions.

You don’t have to do it all.

Focusing on one essential intent takes you out of the trap of “I have to do it all” and allows you to make choices that support what you value.  It can be easy to fall victim to outside circumstances or urgent tasks.  You can feel out of control and powerless to change.

In truth, you do have a choice.  You can choose to respond to that “urgent” request or stay late at work to catch up, or you can choose an alternative behavior that supports your values.  When you frame decisions as choices, you’re more likely to feel more power and control over your life.  Choices can be hard, but they put you back in the driver’s seat of your own life.

You have permission to say “no.”

It can be difficult to say “no” to urgent tasks, especially when they feel constant and demanding.  Not only does McKeown encourage you to say “no: in order to make your essential intent most important, but he also gives practical, step-by-step advice on how to say “no.” Realizing you cannot do everything and being willing to say “no: allows you to give others the opportunity to step in and showcase their own strengths or abilities. 

“I can do anything but not everything.”

— Greg McKeown

Your “no” can still be hard.

What makes saying “no” more difficult is that it involves a trade-off.  Typically we are saying “no” to something that is good in order to say “yes” to the best.  Acknowledging the reality of the trade-offs and the potential for missing out or feeling disappointed allows you to accept those feelings as normal.

How to Apply Essentialism in Daily Life

Discover what you value.

Find a time and space where you can reflect without distractions or interruptions.  Get out a journal or a pad of paper and write down a list your priorities and values.  Look through this list and identify which of those values leads you to feel truly alive.  Clarify your vision as a way to identify your essential intent.

Choose one priority to focus on for the next week.

As you reflect on this list, choose your essential intent for the upcoming week.  Let it guide your decisions.  When you’re called on to make a choice, pause and ask whether or not it supports your priority.  You might focus on family, mental health, friendships, taking care of your body, an aspect of your work – you name it.  Whichever goal you focus on, allow your decisions to reflect what will best contribute to that goal. 

Identify your obstacle.

What is most likely going to get in the way of you sticking to your essential intent?  A demanding boss?  A tantrum-throwing toddler?  An unsupportive spouse?  Endless lists of work tasks?  Plan ahead for these obstacles and seek to address them in advance.  This preventative approach will save you from reacting in the moment to urgent interruptions. Create a routine that will help you avoid doubt or questioning your priority.

Pause before saying “yes.”

When someone makes a request of you, don’t automatically say “yes.”  This automatic response feels polite and avoids conflict, but you may regret it later.  Either tell the person you’ll get back to them or take 24 hours before you respond.  During that time, consider whether saying “yes” will support your essential intent for the week.  After some time has passed, if your response is not a 100% “yes” and in alignment with your essential intent, then the answer is no.

Give a clear “no.”

While it can be difficult to say “no,” communicating that no is more effective than a noncommittal yes where you will avoid or have difficulty with completing the task.  McKeown offers several ways to say “no” in the book, some of which involve suggesting another person who could complete the task, creating a compromise, or using humor.  Regardless, know that saying “no” will feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it becomes easier. 

Celebrate.

Any change you make toward creating your one essential priority is worth celebrating, even if it feels tiny.  Find a way to celebrate the small victories.  Using this form of positive reinforcement helps you give yourself credit for changes you make.  If you deal with anxiety or depression, giving yourself credit as an important part of overcoming the negative messages you repeat to yourself.  Allow yourself to feel happy and enjoy the feeling of making a change.

Self-Care Saturdays: Living In Tune with Your Desire and Passion

Welcome to Self-Care Saturdays, a series of bonus blog posts that will be released on the last Saturday of each month.  In a world where we are constantly faced with demands on our time and energy, it can feel impossible to slow down enough to pay attention to our own needs and take steps to care for them.  These articles are meant to get you thinking about one small step you can take today to practice kindness and care for yourself. 

What is the thing you desire most in the world?  What gets you out of bed in the morning?  What events or experiences lead to the most anticipation in you?  The most excitement?  What do you enjoy doing above all else?  What do you feel called to do?  What are you made for?

When we think about desire and passion, it can lead to happiness and daydreaming about what you want your future to look like.  Or it may stir up painful emotions.  You might not be able to answer the questions, or you feel that your current life does not reflect your desires and passions.

How do we define desire and passion?

Merriam Webster defines passion as ardent affection; a strong liking or desire or devotion to some activity, object or concept; sexual desire; or an object of desire or deep interest.  On a different vein, desire is defined as a conscious impulse toward something that promises enjoyment or satisfaction in its attainment; something longed or hoped for.

It is interesting that both desire and passion are connected to sexuality or intimacy.  Our sexuality is linked the core of who we are as human beings, to our identity.  Therefore, these passions and desires link into the core of our beings.  However, desire and passion often become warped when they involve constantly searching and striving for that which we desire, just to find that it is disappointing.  Desire and passion need to be tempered so that they do not transform into an addiction to the desired object.

We might respond to the awakening of desire in ourselves negatively, fearing the potential outcomes.  Avoidance and numbness soon follow, but the desires don’t disappear.  Instead, they demand to be expressed, often in the form of addictions.  This addiction numbs and gets rid of the longing, but is only a temporary fix, and the desires rear their heads again soon after.  When we truly get in touch with our desires, we actually protect ourselves from the ways in which that hunger can spill out sideways into addictive behaviors.

Developing desire will be a painful process.  Connecting with our desires and passion can lead to longing and grief as we realize areas where we haven’t been able to experience their fulfillment.  This is why we tend to avoid and numb out when we feel desire come up.  But ultimately, living into our desires gives us a deeper and more meaningful life.

How do I cultivate a life filled with passion and desire?

Identify the moments throughout your life when you’ve felt most alive.

Look for the moments of wonder or awe you’ve experienced in your life.  Pay attention to experiences at work or at play where you’ve felt the power of flow.  Imagine yourself stepping back into memories of feeling alive.  What happened?  How did you feel?  Who was there?  Reflect about moments in your memory of vivid happiness as a child: what images, experiences, or times do you remember most vividly?  Where have you felt an unexpected surge of emotion, maybe while watching a film or reading a novel?  Out in nature?  Sitting across from a friend over coffee?

Consider the moments in your life when you’ve felt the most numb.

Identifying the moments when our hearts have felt dead can actually provide a window into desire.  We avoid desire and dilute our passion by numbing because of the pain that comes with desires.  Where are the areas in which you have numbed yourself to what is good?  Where have you looked at a beautiful sunset or a mountainous landscape and felt nothing?  Answers to these questions can hint at the areas that are closest to your heart.  What is your go-to numbing strategy?  Where do you dissociate? Pay attention to moments when you’ve felt apathetic.

List the losses you’ve experienced that have been the most painful.

These losses could include the death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship or marriage, or the loss of a job or dream.  What did you desire to have happen in those times?  What do you regret, or wish you could go back and change?  Where have you felt disappointed?  Where has hope felt lost?  The people, experiences, or things that are valuable to us are often the most painful to lose.  As we pay attention to these losses, we can become more aware of areas of desire.

Listen to what you want.

Often, we weren’t given the freedom to be able to have what we want.  Maybe you grew up with strict parents or teachers, or had financial limitations that prevented you from attending the school you wanted.  When we experience disappointment of our desires and feel numb as a result, we can become comfortable in doing what is “right” or what is expected of us.  This can lead into the trap of perfectionism.  Instead, pay attention to the things you truly want to do.

Write about the live you wish you could live.

We often dream about a different career or become interested in a new skill or hobby that may or may not have anything to do with our present career or vocation.  What is your dream job?  Is it where you work, or elsewhere?  If you could have a do-over in life, what would look different?  What do you feel called to do?  What are you made for?  Write a story, a journal entry, or even just a list of what you wish your life could look like.  Are you able to take steps to make that dream a reality?

Step outside of the daily grind and into an area of passion.

The drudgery of day to day life drags us down and tells us that we can never truly have what we desire.  It is so easy for our passion to be dulled and numbed as face responsibilities.  To find the passion again, we have to be intentional about eliminating busy-ness and avoiding situations in which we feel we have to do something for performance’s sake or because it is “right.”  Maybe even things you enjoyed at one time have begun to feel like a burden or chore.  As you begin to say “no” or give up those areas more and more, you’ll be able to find the enjoyment anew in those activities.  As you release the control that comes with perfectionism, you’re able to trust.

Finally, cultivate patience.

Desire and passion stir up a longing for what is not yet here, and may or may not come.  No wonder it is scary to go there!  As you begin to become aware of these desires, step into what it might feel like to wait.  Yes, it is painful.  No, it is not easy.  But being aware of our desires and willing to walk into the potential pain of not yet receiving them brings us a sense of life and authentic joy.

Self-Care Saturdays: Know Where You're Going

As we approach the new year, this is the time when we think about New Years’ resolutions.  What do you want to be different in your life this year?  Do you want to lose 15 pounds?  Invest more in your marriage?  Discipline your kids better? 

Unfortunately, the problem with these resolutions is that they’re usually thought up on a whim.  We could have just looked in the mirror two days before January 1st and decided we wanted to lose weight, or had a particularly hurtful argument with our teenager the night before.  If we want to make lasting resolutions that aren’t just forgotten by the end of January, we need to set reasonable goals that fit within a larger version of our future.

In short, we need to understand our why.  Why do we want to lose weight?  Why do we want to stop our bad habits?  We need to create a vision or mission for our lives if we expect to follow through on any of these goals.  This is a form of self-care because as you begin to know yourself and your greater vision, you are able to make choices in alignment with your desires for your future.  It can help you leave behind the pressure of the urgent in favor of prioritizing what’s important.

Why is purpose important?

In Jim Collins’ book Good to Great, he coins a phrase called the Stocksdale Paradox, informed by a conversation he had with Admiral Stocksdale, who was a prisoner of war in the Vietnam War.  When asked how he survived the prison camps for seven years, he answered that he had to both face the reality of the situation he was in, and also hold that in tension with hope and vision that he would overcome.

Similarly, Victor Frankl, in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, speaks about how he survived the concentration camps in World War II.  He names that those who were most likely to survive were those who had a purpose to move toward.

When life gets difficult, it can be easy to lose sight of our vision for the future.  This lack of purpose can lead to hopelessness or apathy about what’s yet to come, which can easily morph into depression.  Alternatively, when you are living out your purpose, you can find yourself in a state referred to as flow by Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi.  You might recognize flow by feeling "in the zone".  When you find yourself in this state, you can find hope and connect to something greater than yourself.

How can I find my purpose?

For most of us, we aren’t born knowing our purpose for our life.  This develops over time as we discover our passions and our gifts.  But what might be some ways to facilitate that exploration and understanding?

Imagine your funeral.

Okay, so this one might be a little bit morbid.  Imagine that you’re at your funeral.  What do you hope people are saying about you?  Make a list of the qualities you’d hope to have describe you, and think about how your life reflects those current values.  As you uncover what you truly desire to be remembered about you, the values important to you become clear.

List your gifts, talents, and skills.

What are you good at?  What do you enjoy?  What have others indicated are your gifts?  What skills do you have?  The place where your greatest passion and talents meet is where you will find your purpose.  These give us a sense of intrinsic motivation, where we do work that we love just for the sake of it.  This intrinsic motivation drives goals more than external motivations, and it also improves our mental health.

Prioritize.

The reality is, you can’t tackle all of your goals at once.  If I could, I’d be a master baker, a proficient knitter and crocheter, and a sewing maven.  Sadly, I am none of those things.  But I am becoming an increasingly skilled therapist by working on that particular area because I know it is a priority for me.  Choose one area to focus on, perhaps that has to do with your vocation or your most important value.

Start big and then narrow down.

I’m a big culprit of losing the forest for the trees, so it’s helpful for me to think about my life in terms of a long-term vision, then narrowing it back to the present day.  Start with goals you hope to achieve five years from now.  Then ask yourself: what can I do in the next year to prepare for that five-year goal?  Once you’ve identified that, look at what you can do this month to meet the yearly goal, and what you can do this week to meet the monthly goal. 

For example, let’s say you want to run a marathon in the next five years.  Maybe that means at the end of this year you want to run a 10k.  This month you want to be up to running 2 miles straight without walking.  This week you need to go out for two 1-mile runs.

Studies show that depression leads to setting vague goals that are difficult to follow through on, which feeds back into the depression.  Breaking these goals into smaller chunks makes them more manageable.  Find that first small step you can take to move toward your goal.  Each step you take can help you to gain momentum.

Create a routine that implements some of these goals.

Schedule these goals in to your calendar!  Adding these activities to your schedule makes you more likely to carry them out.  If you struggle with depression this can be a great way for you to break out of the funk.  As you begin to achieve more simple activities that move you toward your larger life goals, you will feel a sense of agency and control over your future. 

Check in with yourself on a regular basis to make sure you’re living into your goals.

How many times have you set goals for yourself and then immediately forgotten about them?  Instead, display them somewhere prominent where you will see them on a daily basis.  Set an appointment with yourself to review these major goals each week or month.  Do a quick assessment each month to see where you’ve done well with your goals and what changes you could make to improve.

Have patience and don’t beat yourself up!

Change in habits to align with our values is a slow, long-term process.  Cultivate patience with yourself to prevent spiraling down into depression if your goals go unmet.  Give yourself grace to make mistakes, and use that as an opportunity to troubleshoot and see what’s in the way of your goals.

Stay accountable with a friend.

Do you have a friend who’s hoping to change some of their habits this year?  Use this person as a resource and hold one another accountable for exploring your purpose for the future.  Talk with them about your vision.  Discuss your weekly review of your goals or your monthly assessment with them.  Having a friend to talk about it with can make all the difference!

My hope is that as you set this intention and begin to make changes to align your life with your values, you’ll experience a sense of achievement and purpose that you wouldn’t have felt otherwise.

The Power of Story: How Understanding Our Narrative Transforms Our Perspective

What is one of your favorite movies or books?  Do you have a particular story that always makes you cry, stay glued to the edge of your seat, or immerse you in a different world?  What kind of story draws you in? What stirs your heart as you read or watch?  What motivates the main characters to take on their challenges?

The Harry Potter book series comes to me as a prime example.  (Likely because I’m re-reading through it.)  This has always been one of my favorite adventure tales, and it doesn’t take long for me to get drawn back into the world when I pick up a book or turn on a movie from the series.  I love the themes of friendship, good vs. evil, justice served to areas where prejudice has reigned supreme, and development of characters as three-dimensional rather than stereotypes.

Whether you’re a fan of a good mystery, a thriller, or an epic adventure, many of the most compelling stories we encounter share similarities with something called the monomyth, or the hero’s journey.  Joseph Campbell studied mythology and found a common pattern in stories of heroes, much of which was based on the human experience.

So what does this hero's journey have to do with our lives?

Joseph Campbell showed how these stories reflect the human psychological experience.  He theorized, “We are all heroes struggling to accomplish our adventure.  As human beings, we engage in a series of struggles to develop as individuals and to find our place in society.”

When we begin to look at our lives as part of a larger story, we can see how the experiences we once thought were devastating can actually serve to further our life stories and move us closer to our reward.  We need to be able to move through trials and difficult experiences in order to experience fulfillment.  In fact, the trials in these myths are often the most exciting parts of the plot.

How might you find clues to the hero's journey in your own life?

Ask yourself these questions to begin to explore how what you're facing in life might be part of the larger narrative of your own journey

• What is your call to adventure? What is the cave you seek to enter?

• Who can assist you?

• What feels like a risk? What’s out of your comfort zone?

• What trials are you facing?

• What is your worst fear?

• What have been some of your worst moments?

• When have you seen reward or result of your actions? What reward do you still desire?

• How has your life experience changed you?

My hope is that as you engage with and explore these questions, you'll have renewed vision and hope for what is yet to come in your life, and you'll begin to see your trials and trouble as steps along your own hero's journey.