What To Do If Your Spouse Has Depression

You’ve been noticing some changes in your partner.  She has a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.  He’s lost interest in the friends and outings he used to love.  She bursts into tears at the slightest provocation.  He talks about feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and tired.

When your loved one is going through a season of depression, it can be difficult to know how to respond, especially if you’ve never experienced depression yourself.  When depression is not addressed in relationships, it can create emotional and relational problems that lead to divorce.  Depression affects communication between spouses, creates isolation from friends, and can lead to feelings of depression in the healthy spouse.  Conflict can escalate as your partner experiences irritability and shifts in mood.

How can you actively respond to your spouse’s depression in a way that doesn’t drive you apart, but that draws you closer together?

First, learn about depression.

Understanding the way depression works is the first step to supporting your spouse.  Read books and articles to learn more about depression symptoms.  Identify which symptoms are common for your spouse, and get to know the types of negative thoughts that characterize depression.  Learn about differences in severity and what to do if your spouse struggles with thoughts of suicide.  If you’ve just had children, learn about the symptoms of post-partum depression.  Identify if the depression is related to a situation like a death in the family, or if it’s a more chronic problem.

Reduce the stigma.

You might find that your spouse denies struggling with depression or feels ashamed at having to admit they need help. People with depression can dislike putting that fact about them on display.  They can feel stereotyped and marginalized as others minimize their concerns, saying words like, “It’s no big deal, you’ll cheer up soon.”  Encourage your spouse that what they’re experiencing is normal for depression, they don’t need to feel shame, and help is available.

Build your marital friendship.

John Gottman shares that a top prevention strategy for post-partum depression is building and maintaining friendship in your marriage.  You can foster this friendship in many ways.  Spend time asking each other questions to learn about one another’s worlds.  Go for a walk or exercise together, as exercise offers health benefits for depression and can be a great activity for connection.  Choose a sitcom on Netflix to watch and laugh together.

Talk about how you’re feeling.

Processing and understanding emotions in one another can be a great way to build intimacy and cope with feelings of depression.  Check in every day to find out how each of you are feeling, using a structure like Gottman’s stress reducing conversation.  Seek to understand your spouse, not to fix them. Take time to name the different emotions you experienced today.  Discuss a high and low moment from the day, identify things for which you are grateful, and affirm what you achieved throughout the day.

Create a game plan with your spouse for bad days.

In the ups and downs of depression, there will be days that are worse than others.  On bad days, it can be helpful to have a plan of activities to do to care for your spouse.  Pay attention to the triggers.  Explore ideas on what helps your spouse to feel better on bad days and encourage him or her to do them.  Offer a massage.  Practice gratitude together.  Encourage your spouse to take care of him or herself without pushing.

Be patient.

It can be easy to become angry with a spouse whose actions affect you.  If they have difficulty at work due to their depression, aren’t motivated to do fun things together, or have a hard time caring for children, it can feel like you’re taking on more responsibility.  In this case, share how you feel (gently) and seek to find a compromise or solution.  Be aware that talking about their struggles with depression or making suggestions on what to do might be met with defensiveness, so be mindful of taking a gentle approach. 

Respect and support their work in therapy.

Ultimately, if your spouse is struggling with depression, he or she needs to seek professional help. One way to support this process is to drive them to sessions with their therapist or psychiatrist.  When your spouse is in therapy, expect them to set boundaries and make changes in their life that may affect you, including cutting back on some responsibilities. If their therapist requests you come in for sessions or begin couples therapy, do so.  Request to come in for a session to learn about how you can support your spouse’s work with the therapist.

Prioritize your own self-care, friendships, and therapy.

As depression impacts your partner, you may tend to isolate from others as a couple.  It may be more difficult to have fun together.  It is important for you to cultivate your own relationships with friends and family to help.  Identify safe family members or same-sex friends who can be a support.  Be wary of depending too much on friends of the opposite sex, as that could lead to infidelity.  If needed, pursue your own therapy to learn about how to cope with the emotions and stress you’re experiencing.

Most importantly, if your spouse talks about thoughts of suicide or a plan to harm themselves, seek immediate medical help.  Drive your partner to the nearest ER facility or call 911.

It is important not to minimize this last point: if your spouse is talking about suicide, take action.  If you are unsure about the symptoms of suicidal ideation, call the suicide prevention lifeline (1-800-273-8255) and ask about warning signs.

As the spouse of someone struggling with depression, you have the power to make an impact in their healing.  My hope is that as you learn to care better for both yourself and your spouse, you’ll be able to experience greater intimacy as you fight back against depression together.

Are You Living Like The Walking Dead?

This Sunday, AMC premiered the 8th season of The Walking Dead with the series’ 100th episode.  It’s fascinating to see how much this show has maintained its popularity through the past 8 years.  Part of the draw in our culture toward TV and movies that focus on zombies is that on some level, we can relate.

Have you ever heard yourself or someone else utter the phrase, “I feel like a zombie”?  Whether it’s because we’re exhausted, stressed, or overwhelmed, we can find ourselves having a hard time functioning.  While feeling exhausted might be remedied by a good night’s sleep, sometimes we feel like zombies caught in the day-to-day of our lives.  We can be emotionless and struggle to make it through each day.  We lose sight of our hopes and dreams for the future, as the fog of everyday stress fills our mind.

One hallmark trait of zombies is their insatiable hunger.  That hunger is what makes them so dangerous.

At the same time, we can relate to the sense of being hungry for something more.

We desire for our lives to have meaning and purpose, to feel content and whole, but we often settle for filling our hunger with things that don’t satisfy.  We can become addicted to alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, food, or gambling.  We can become entangled in dysfunctional or codependent relationships.  We might fill our lives with things that make us busy so we don’t have time to feel longing for more.  We might spend our money on bigger and better things as an attempt to make us feel happy.  But sadly, none of these satisfy us.

What are you hungry for?

What are the things that you desire?  If you’ve numbed out in any of the above ways, it’s likely that question hasn’t crossed your mind in some time.  Nothing may come to mind for you.  Here are a few questions that might help spark your curiosity:

• If you could change one area in your life that would make it infinitely better, what would it be?

• If you could wave a magic wand and have the life you want, what would it look like?

• What do you daydream about? Why? What will that give you?

• What were the things you loved to do as a child? What did you want to be when you grew up?

As you answer these questions, you may come across desires that aren’t practical or helpful.  For example, if you daydream about having an affair or quitting work to play video games all day, that likely isn’t a desire that will serve you well in life.  However, these daydreams provide clues to your desire.  For example, if you daydream about an affair because your marriage feels like you’re living parallel lives, it can point out a desire for more intimacy in your marriage.  If you desire to play video games all day because you hate your job, that’s a clue that you want something more out of your career.

Keep in mind that this may be a painful process.  Identifying desires breaks the pattern of numbing out and opens us up to feeling longing, sadness, loneliness, anger, and a whole host of other emotions.  But in order for you to feel joy and contentment with your life, you need to be able to move through these negative emotions as well.  I love the book Desire by John Eldredge that outlines how desire is both crucially important and so difficult to engage with.

How do I come back to life?

You’ve identified your desires: now what?  Just identifying desires can lead us back into numbing out if we don’t have a concrete idea on how to move forward into those desires. 

To start, choose one desire you’re feeling in your life.  Typically it’s best to identify the desire that has the most energy or emotion tied to it.   It could be related to your career, your relationships, your spiritual life, or your hobbies.  Next, what is one step you can take to move yourself closer to that desire?  Start with the end goal and trace each step back until you get to a manageable first step.

An example from my own life: I want to be a skilled home baker.  I’m obsessed with watching the Great British Baking Show and Food Network’s Holiday Baking Championship, and I dream about crafting beautiful and delicious desserts.  But the amount of knowledge these bakers have is beyond my competence.  How do I trace it back?.  In order to be a skilled home baker, I need to learn different recipes and methods of baking desserts.  I need understand the chemistry of baking.  I need to practice.  A next step might be to check out a book at the library about baking to read, to sample a new recipe, or to watch a YouTube video about cake decorating.

But what if I don’t know what to do?

Like the CDC developing a cure for the plague, or The Walking Dead’s Rick Grimes forging a new community, you need a guide who can give you direction on where to go and how to get there.  Often, the process of coming back to life is long and arduous.  Like a trek through a mountain, it can be easy to become discouraged when looking at the summit instead of the next step in front of you.  You might slip back into old patterns in that discouragement.

As a therapist, I function as a guide in areas of your life where you feel stuck.  My role is to help you identify and engage with your desires, break down desire into manageable goals, and walk with you as you make progress on your climb up the mountain.  When I see you slipping back into numbing out through addictive behaviors, it is my role to lead you back to the path to your desire.  In the process, I believe that you’ll see areas of your life slowly become more vibrant and in alignment with what you desire.  Hope will grow and flourish as you begin to see these dreams becoming a reality.

Everything Will Be Okay: Coping Amidst the Storm of Depression and Anxiety

There are some days where it all just feels like too much.

Does that feel true for you? For the person with depression or anxiety, I would guess this sounds familiar.  When you feel overwhelmed in your life and there’s no easy solution, the voices in your mind that say “you can’t make it," “you won’t survive this,” or “it’s all too much” are incredibly persuasive.

Often pain and sadness that accompany depression and anxiety are genuine.  It is natural for the trauma survivor exploring the effects of her past abuse and harm to feel angry.  The grieving child mourning a parent’s unexpected death or the wife who just discovered her husband’s multiple affairs could feel that life isn’t fair. The new mother who is overwhelmed with balancing her work and family life and the man struggling with depression so severe it causes him to lose his job could turn their anger inward at themselves.  All these situations are legitimate, painful experiences that can’t be easily glossed over. 

In our pain, we seek to regain a sense of control by blaming others or blaming ourselves, but those contempt-filled accusations only increase our suffering.  Fighting back against the pain, in the form of going numb and running away or getting angry, actually increases the amount that we suffer.  It can leave us stuck and hopeless of moving forward.

To avoid getting stuck in the cycle of anger, hopelessness, and suffering, it can be helpful to choose radical acceptance.  Radical acceptance is a term coined by psychologist Marsha Linehan defined as acknowledging the reality of your present circumstance without judging yourself or the situation critically.  It involves looking at the situation as objectively as possible to see it for what it really is.

What radical acceptance does not mean is excusing other people or believing that painful events that have happened in your past were not all that bad.  It does not mean that you put up with abusive or harmful relationships or situations in your life.  On the contrary, it means acknowledging the situation you are in, facing and accepting that it happened, and making choices based on that fact.

In moments where the painful realities feel like too much, it can help to repeat affirmations that allow you to feel grounded and give you a sense of hope.  Here are some common coping statements for depression, anxiety, or dealing with trauma:

The Serenity Prayer: God, help me to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This is where I am right now, but it won’t be like this forever.

What happened to me wasn’t okay, and yet there’s nothing I can do to change the past.

Fighting against what happened only makes the pain worse and keeps me stuck.

I can’t control the past, but I can control this present moment and what I choose to do.

I’ve been through painful moments before, and I’ve survived. I’m strong enough to handle this.

I can’t control other people’s actions, but I can control my decisions and how I respond.

This circumstance gives me an opportunity to learn and grow.

I can handle this one day at a time.

I’m going to be okay.

Spend some time testing out these different phrases in your life.  See which ones stick or make the most sense in your story, and discard those that aren’t helpful.  Practice mindfulness to connect with your emotions and the affirmations that might be most helpful for you in this present moment. As you explore different ways of responding to pain as it arises, my hope is that using radical acceptance will help you both to acknowledge and feel the pain instead of running away from it, as well as feel a sense of comfort and peace about moving forward.

How Are You an Unreliable Narrator in Your Own Life?

Have you noticed the trend recently in popular fiction where thrillers are becoming all the rage?  Books like Gone Girl and Girl on the Train have become increasingly popular.  A common element in many of these novels is the “unreliable narrator.”  At some point during first-person point-of-view novels, there’s a twist that clues us in to the fact that the narrator may be filtering the truth in such a way that works to their advantage or tells their side of the story.  This plot device adds an additional layer of mystery to the text as we try to figure out what’s true and what isn’t.

When have you realized that what you believed was true was wrong all along?

We tend to filter our experience through our beliefs about people and the world around us in a way that twists reality and leads us to doubt what we know to be true.  It can start with one mistaken belief or critical comment.  Before we know it, that statement grows into an internal voice that leads us to filter our beliefs through this new lens.  In depression and anxiety, this is particularly common, as these disorders add an additional filter to our thoughts that twists them to be even more inaccurate, becoming what psychologists call “cognitive distortions.”

What is a cognitive distortion?

Wikipedia summarizes well a definition of cognitive distortions as “exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that are believed to perpetuate the effects of psychopathological states, especially depression and anxiety.”

I think of it like the fun house attraction at those traveling fairs that rolled into town in your childhood.  Typically they featured mirrors that distorted your body shape and size.  This is a fitting picture of how our thoughts filter through these different lenses of reality and twist our beliefs into cognitive distortions.

Common Cognitive Distortions and Their Antidotes

While there are several different types of cognitive distortions, here are a few of the most common ones I’ve seen with depression and anxiety.  Alongside an example of each, I’ll provide an antidote (some ideas to try if you notice these are the filters you default to most commonly) and an adaptive thought (an example of a shift in thinking in response to that distortion).

All-or-nothing thinking happens when we believe that only two extremes exist, with no room for gray area in between.  We think in terms of good or bad, right or wrong, pass or fail. 

• Example: “If I do poorly on this test, that means I’m a failure.”

• Antidote: Make room for the gray in your life. We all make mistakes or do things poorly, but there are likely plenty of positives in your life as well. Think in terms of better and best instead of right and wrong.

• Adaptive Thought: “One bad grade doesn’t disqualify the other good grades I’ve gotten or the hard work I put into studying.”

Overgeneralization occurs when we take an isolated event and expect that all other similar events will happen in the same way.

• Example: “What’s the point of going out on dates? The last guy I dated didn’t call me back after the first date, so why should I expect anything different?”

• Antidote: Recognize that each situation you experience is unique. If you believe this pattern exists, look for examples to disprove that pattern.

• Adaptive Thought: “So that last date didn’t work out? We must’ve not been the right fit. The next guy I date might be a better fit for me.”

Jumping to conclusions involves assuming we already know how others will perceive us or how a situation will play out.

• Example: “My friend didn’t say hi to me at church the other day – I must’ve done something wrong or offended her.”

• Antidote: Reality check that assumption by either asking the other person if your belief is true or think of alternative explanations for what happened.

• Adaptive Thought: “My friend might’ve been caught up in a conversation and didn’t see me at church, so it makes sense why she wouldn’t have said hi.”

Personalization is the belief that everything that happens around us is a direct response to something we have done or said.  This can lead to taking too much responsibility for how others respond to us, or worry that we’re being judged.

• Example: “This party is so awkward – it must be because I’m so awkward and I’m ruining the night for everyone.”

• Antidote: Set an internal boundary: affirm that you are not responsible for the thoughts and reactions of other people. What are some other reasons for the situation?

• Adaptive Thought: “This party is kind of awkward because we don’t all know each other yet. Maybe I can start up a conversation with someone new or suggest a game to play!”

“Shoulds” involve thinking that we “should” do things a certain way, and if we don’t, it is a poor reflection on us or our character.

• Example: “I should be exercising 5 days a week and if I’m not, I’m lazy.”

• Antidote: Search for the source of that belief (family, friends, media, school, church, self) and explore why it has such an impact on you. Give yourself freedom to say “no” to it. Frame your decisions as a choice of what you want to do instead of “should” do.

• Adaptive Thought: “I’d like to exercise more. I can choose to go for a run this afternoon.”

Emotional reasoning takes place when have a certain emotional response to our circumstances and come to accept that feeling as truth.

• Example: “I feel ugly, so it must be true.”

• Antidote: Remind yourself that emotions are changeable. Look for evidence that stands in direct contrast to the beliefs those emotions are telling you.

• Adaptive Thought: “Even though I feel ugly, I know I’m feeling worse than usual today because I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I know those emotions will pass.”

Which of these cognitive distortions do you see the world through most often?  How can you actively seek to change those filters and become a more reliable narrator in your life?

9 Warning Signs of Depression

What might be some reasons you could wonder if you have depression?  It could be that you’ve noticed you’re feeling unhappy or gloomy a lot lately, and it’s hard for you to tell if it’s just a bad mood, or if there’s something more serious going on.  Or maybe you’ve been feeling this way for a long time, but it’s so much a part of your personality and who you are that it just seems normal at this point.  Either way, it can be hard to discern whether what you’re experiencing is normal, or if it could be categorized as depression.

If you’re struggling to know if you're experiencing depression, here are some symptoms to look out for:

Sadness is a common mood for you.

On a day to day basis, you might find yourself feeling discouraged or hopeless.  Or maybe you feel numb, or like you don’t have any feelings at all.  But if someone were to stop you and ask about how you’re feeling, you might start to cry or be overcome by feelings of sadness.  Sometimes you might switch back and forth between sadness and irritability or frustration with others. 

The things you used to love to do don’t seem fun anymore.

Do you find yourself thinking, “I just don’t care anymore”?  Oftentimes, the things that used to make you happy or bring you a sense of peace or joy lose that power.  It can feel like there’s nothing you really want to do, or it takes too much energy to do things you used to love.  You might notice yourself spending less time with people and avoiding social situations.

You’ve noticed your weight fluctuating significantly.

It may be that you feel as though you’ve lost your appetite, and you have a hard time feeling any desire to eat, which causes you to lose weight.  Or, on the other side of the coin, you could be eating more and having more cravings for carbs or sweet foods, which may cause you to gain weight.

You’re sleeping a ton, you feel lethargic, and you’re tired all of the time.

Another common symptom of depression is sleeping longer than normal, taking a lot of naps during the day, or having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.  You might feel lazy or tired all of the time.  You may have lethargic movements and speech, in a way that is noticeable to others as well.  Has anyone pointed these things out to you? You could also notice fatigue without any apparent cause.  You might find normal daily tasks, like getting up, showering, or cooking a meal, to be too exhausting to complete. 

Insomnia feels like a familiar friend.

If you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night, waking up early without being able to fall back to sleep, or having trouble falling asleep at night, depression could potentially be the culprit. 

Others tell you that you seem jumpy, and you feel restless.

Your restlessness could show up as fidgeting, pacing, or being unable to stand still.  Likely, people around you may have noticed some of these things and mentioned something to you before.  

A core belief you hold about yourself is that you’re worthless, or you’re consumed by feelings of guilt.

You might notice constant feelings that you have no worth or value, which can feel true even if they aren’t based in any facts.  Guilt over past mistakes or wrongs could be haunting your day-to-day thoughts.

You have a hard time focusing, remembering things, or making decisions.

You might walk into a room and forget what you’re looking for.  Or you can’t read a book or keep your mind on a task for more than 5 minutes at a time.  A simple decision, like what to make for dinner, can sometimes send you into such a tizzy that you feel unable to do anything. 

You have thoughts about death, and sometimes even suicidal thoughts.

There can be a wide range of suicidal thoughts: it can start with wishing not to not be alive any longer and worsen to seriously considering or planning a suicide attempt.   If you are experiencing thoughts or plans of suicide, please call 911 immediately or drive to your nearest ER facility.

Do any of these symptoms sound familiar to you?  If four or five of them sound true, it may be time for you to consider seeing your primary care physician or a therapist to help you decide if you’re experiencing clinical depression.  Your healthcare provider can support you and help you make decisions to take care of yourself.  You are worth receiving care and relief from your pain.

Be Where You Are: 4 Ideas to Consider When You're Feeling Down

Ever have a day where you absolutely feel in a funk, and you can’t for the life of you figure out why?

I had a day like that in recent history that stands out in my mind.  I ended up unable to complete any tasks I had set out for that day, completely checked out, feeling down for what seemed like no apparent reason.  I tried all my tools for cheering myself up, but nothing seemed to work.

I had gotten enough sleep the night before, so that couldn’t be it. I had a very light workday on Monday, so it wasn’t that I was so burned out from work.  What could it be?

It wasn’t until I took a moment to stop and think back that I actually was able to feel the fog slightly lift.  Here’s some of the things I had to realize:

Find your trigger event.

I had to think back to when I first started to feel down in the dumps.  What was I thinking or experiencing?  I realized a big trigger moment was a text I had received from a friend that increased my stress and worry level.  I had to choose to set a boundary with this friend, even though it was uncomfortable to say no.  I had to make some decisions about the words I was going to say to be polite yet firm.  This was emotionally taxing, and I felt the discomfort as an aftereffect the rest of the day.

Check your energy level.

I also realized that this was a Monday.  And not just any Monday – a Monday after I had just started a second part-time job that had me work a total of 22 hours over three days.  It didn’t help that those hours were revealed to me Friday morning, so I was unable to prepare for the busy weekend during the week.  The job required me to stand a lot, as well as learn a lot of new tasks that I hadn’t done before.  Once I realized each of those aspects, I saw how my body had been affected by my work hours and was feeling the effects.

Assess self-care.

I also had to think about self-care.  Each week I try to do a “Sabbath,” or a day off of work where I spend time caring for my spiritual health and well-being, as well as my emotional and mental health.  I typically spend that time recharging alone through reading and journaling, and connecting with close friends.  Even if I can’t feasibly spend an entire day on a Sabbath, I like to prioritize at least setting aside an afternoon and evening to rest.   None of that was able to happen due to my unknown work schedule, however, and because of that I knew I wasn’t able to give myself the rest I needed.

So what am I to do, if I can’t snap out of the funk?

Knowing this didn’t immediately make it better.  I still felt in a funk, although knowing why did have its benefits so I could be aware of it potentially happening again.

What I had to do was this: accept it.

I had to acknowledge that all those factors listed above put me in a place where I was not my best self, and accept the limitations that came with that.  I chose to spend the rest of the day resting and doing tasks that weren’t too energy draining, scheduling unfinished tasks to be completed the next day. 

And by the next day, I had snapped out of it.  I was able to complete the tasks I needed to, and learned to take a break when I need one.  The best part is knowing that I can use this in the future when I feel that funk coming on: figure out what the triggers are, and make a priority of taking care of myself.

How to Brighten Up Cloudy Days

Have you ever had those days where nothing seems to go right?  I had one recently.  I woke up early one morning with full intention to do some work-related writing.  Instead of starting work right away, I spent an hour on my iPhone playing games and reading articles on Pinterest.  When I finally did get up to start my day, I sat down at my computer and got distracted by more articles on Pinterest and in blogs.  Once I finally forced myself to write, I was only able to finish an outline for an article before I felt discouraged and “needed a break.”

I felt disappointed in myself that morning, as I couldn’t check much off my to-do list.  As I moved on to the rest of my day, I thought to myself – how in the world do I cheer up after this?

Here’s a few thoughts that came to mind for ways to boost my mood.

Listen to Upbeat Music

True confession: I love boy bands.  One Direction and N’Sync are my pop idols of choice.  For me, putting on a 1D album will almost instantly change my mood.  In fact, a 2012 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology indicated that listening to upbeat music with the intention to boost your mood can cause you to feel happier.  Find whatever music is your favorite and put on a CD or radio station that plays it!  If you’re in search of ideas, I like flipping through Spotify’s mood playlists, like Mood Booster or Confidence Boost – even without a self-made playlist, you can still find some positive tunes.

Give Yourself Credit for the Good

When I reflected on my morning, my first instinct was to see all the things I did wrong, ways I procrastinated, or work I didn’t accomplish.  But, in reality, I did plenty of positive things.  I had time for meditation and Scripture reading in the morning.  I prioritized my to-do list and completed my top 3 tasks for the day.  I showered (that counts, right?)  David Burns, in his book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, identifies a distorted thought pattern he names “disqualifying the positive,” in which people can tend to believe negative thoughts or assumptions about themselves, but discredit any positive beliefs.  If I look at my day through the lens of everything I did wrong, of course I’ll feel discouraged.  But giving myself credit for those things I did will give that lift to my self-confidence.

Get Outside in Nature

There’s something about looking at beauty that makes it hard to focus on the negative.  I spent some time that afternoon sitting out in the backyard with my niece, basking in the sun and watching birds and squirrels.  We even saw a baby deer!  One evening earlier in the week a friend and I watched a giant cloud pass to the south of us, heat lightning flashing in the outline of the cloud.  It was absolutely beautiful.  Research shows that spending time in nature (or even viewing it from a window!) can have positive effects on mood, focus, and health.  Use the beauty you see to connect you back with a sense of awe and gratitude for the world around you.

Talk it Out 

A conversation with a friend can be an instant pick-me-up after a rough day.  There’s something powerful about knowing you’re not alone in the world.  Everyone has bad days, and having someone to sit with you in the middle of yours can make a huge difference.  Having a close network of friends has been shown to help people recover from depression. Give your friend a call, send a text, or even send a quick email to ask for encouraging words.

Give Yourself Permission to Take a Break

So you had a terrible morning trying to accomplish something that you couldn’t finish.  So the dishes are piling up in your kitchen, the crumbs have formed a layer on the kitchen floor, and you can’t remember the last time you wiped down the stove.  So your to-do list is a mile long and just keeps getting longer.  When you’re exhausted and overwhelmed to a point where everything feels like too much, it is okay for you to take a break.  Sit down, sip a cup of coffee, read a book, watch a quick YouTube video or TV show – whatever you love doing that refreshes you rather than drains you, give yourself a half-hour to do just that.  By giving yourself a short break with intention to return to your work afterwards, you’ll come back refreshed and ready to go.

On that day, did I remember to do these things?  Maybe not as much as I would’ve liked.  But when I have another discouraging day in the future, I’ll remind myself to return to some of these ideas and make them happen.