Nine Warning Signs of Depression

What might be some reasons you could wonder if you have depression?  It could be that you’ve noticed you’re feeling unhappy or gloomy a lot lately, and it’s hard for you to tell if it’s just a bad mood, or if there’s something more serious going on.  Or maybe you’ve been feeling this way for a long time, but it’s so much a part of your personality and who you are that it just seems normal at this point.  Either way, it can be hard to discern whether what you’re experiencing is normal, or if it could be categorized as depression.

If you’re struggling to know if you're experiencing depression, here are some symptoms to look out for:

Sadness is a common mood for you.

On a day to day basis, you might find yourself feeling discouraged or hopeless.  Or maybe you feel numb, or like you don’t have any feelings at all.  But if someone were to stop you and ask about how you’re feeling, you might start to cry or be overcome by feelings of sadness.  Sometimes you might switch back and forth between sadness and irritability or frustration with others. 

The things you used to love to do don’t seem fun anymore.

Do you find yourself thinking, “I just don’t care anymore”?  Oftentimes, the things that used to make you happy or bring you a sense of peace or joy lose that power.  It can feel like there’s nothing you really want to do, or it takes too much energy to do things you used to love.  You might notice yourself spending less time with people and avoiding social situations.

You’ve noticed your weight fluctuating significantly.

It may be that you feel as though you’ve lost your appetite, and you have a hard time feeling any desire to eat, which causes you to lose weight.  Or, on the other side of the coin, you could be eating more and having more cravings for carbs or sweet foods, which may cause you to gain weight.

You’re sleeping a ton, you feel lethargic, and you’re tired all of the time.

Another common symptom of depression is sleeping longer than normal, taking a lot of naps during the day, or having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.  You might feel lazy or tired all of the time.  You may have lethargic movements and speech, in a way that is noticeable to others as well.  Has anyone pointed these things out to you? You could also notice fatigue without any apparent cause.  You might find normal daily tasks, like getting up, showering, or cooking a meal, to be too exhausting to complete. 

Insomnia feels like a familiar friend.

If you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night, waking up early without being able to fall back to sleep, or having trouble falling asleep at night, depression could potentially be the culprit. 

Others tell you that you seem jumpy, and you feel restless.

Your restlessness could show up as fidgeting, pacing, or being unable to stand still.  Likely, people around you may have noticed some of these things and mentioned something to you before.  

A core belief you hold about yourself is that you’re worthless, or you’re consumed by feelings of guilt.

You might notice constant feelings that you have no worth or value, which can feel true even if they aren’t based in any facts.  Guilt over past mistakes or wrongs could be haunting your day-to-day thoughts.

You have a hard time focusing, remembering things, or making decisions.

You might walk into a room and forget what you’re looking for.  Or you can’t read a book or keep your mind on a task for more than 5 minutes at a time.  A simple decision, like what to make for dinner, can sometimes send you into such a tizzy that you feel unable to do anything. 

You have thoughts about death, and sometimes even suicidal thoughts.

There can be a wide range of suicidal thoughts: it can start with wishing not to not be alive any longer and worsen to seriously considering or planning a suicide attempt.   If you are experiencing thoughts or plans of suicide, please call 911 immediately or drive to your nearest ER facility.

Do any of these symptoms sound familiar to you?  If four or five of them sound true, it may be time for you to consider seeing your primary care physician or a therapist to help you decide if you’re experiencing clinical depression.  Your healthcare provider can support you and help you make decisions to take care of yourself.  You are worth receiving care and relief from your pain.

This article was originally posted on March 9, 2017.

How to Brighten Cloudy Days: Dealing with Depression

Have you ever had those days where nothing seems to go right?  I had one recently.  I woke up early one morning with full intention to do some work-related writing.  Instead of starting work right away, I spent an hour on my iPhone playing games and reading articles on Pinterest.  When I finally did get up to start my day, I sat down at my computer and got distracted by more articles on Pinterest and in blogs.  Once I finally forced myself to write, I was only able to finish an outline for an article before I felt discouraged and “needed a break.”

I felt disappointed in myself that morning, as I couldn’t check much off my to-do list.  As I moved on to the rest of my day, I thought to myself – how in the world do I cheer up after this?

Here’s a few thoughts that came to mind for ways to boost my mood.

Listen to Upbeat Music

True confession: I love boy bands.  One Direction and N’Sync are my pop idols of choice.  For me, putting on a 1D album will almost instantly change my mood.  In fact, a 2012 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology indicated that listening to upbeat music with the intention to boost your mood can cause you to feel happier.  Find whatever music is your favorite and put on a CD or radio station that plays it!  If you’re in search of ideas, I like flipping through Spotify’s mood playlists, like Mood Booster or Confidence Boost – even without a self-made playlist, you can still find some positive tunes.

Give Yourself Credit for the Good

When I reflected on my morning, my first instinct was to see all the things I did wrong, ways I procrastinated, or work I didn’t accomplish.  But, in reality, I did plenty of positive things.  I had time for meditation and Scripture reading in the morning.  I prioritized my to-do list and completed my top 3 tasks for the day.  I showered (that counts, right?)  David Burns, in his book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy*, identifies a distorted thought pattern he names “disqualifying the positive,” in which people can tend to believe negative thoughts or assumptions about themselves, but discredit any positive beliefs.  If I look at my day through the lens of everything I did wrong, of course I’ll feel discouraged.  But giving myself credit for those things I did will give that lift to my self-confidence.

Get Outside in Nature

There’s something about looking at beauty that makes it hard to focus on the negative.  I spent some time that afternoon sitting out in the backyard with my niece, basking in the sun and watching birds and squirrels.  We even saw a baby deer!  One evening earlier in the week a friend and I watched a giant cloud pass to the south of us, heat lightning flashing in the outline of the cloud.  It was absolutely beautiful.  Research shows that spending time in nature (or even viewing it from a window!) can have positive effects on mood, focus, and health.  Use the beauty you see to connect you back with a sense of awe and gratitude for the world around you.

Talk it Out 

A conversation with a friend can be an instant pick-me-up after a rough day.  There’s something powerful about knowing you’re not alone in the world.  Everyone has bad days, and having someone to sit with you in the middle of yours can make a huge difference.  Having a close network of friends has been shown to help people recover from depression. Give your friend a call, send a text, or even send a quick email to ask for encouraging words.

Give Yourself Permission to Take a Break

So you had a terrible morning trying to accomplish something that you couldn’t finish.  So the dishes are piling up in your kitchen, the crumbs have formed a layer on the kitchen floor, and you can’t remember the last time you wiped down the stove.  So your to-do list is a mile long and just keeps getting longer.  When you’re exhausted and overwhelmed to a point where everything feels like too much, it is okay for you to take a break.  Sit down, sip a cup of coffee, read a book, watch a quick YouTube video or TV show – whatever you love doing that refreshes you rather than drains you, give yourself a half-hour to do just that.  By giving yourself a short break with intention to return to your work afterwards, you’ll come back refreshed and ready to go.

On that day, did I remember to do these things?  Maybe not as much as I would’ve liked.  But when I have another discouraging day in the future, I’ll remind myself to return to some of these ideas and make them happen.

This article was originally posted on January 12, 2017.

9 Warning Signs of Depression

What might be some reasons you could wonder if you have depression?  It could be that you’ve noticed you’re feeling unhappy or gloomy a lot lately, and it’s hard for you to tell if it’s just a bad mood, or if there’s something more serious going on.  Or maybe you’ve been feeling this way for a long time, but it’s so much a part of your personality and who you are that it just seems normal at this point.  Either way, it can be hard to discern whether what you’re experiencing is normal, or if it could be categorized as depression.

If you’re struggling to know if you're experiencing depression, here are some symptoms to look out for:

Sadness is a common mood for you.

On a day to day basis, you might find yourself feeling discouraged or hopeless.  Or maybe you feel numb, or like you don’t have any feelings at all.  But if someone were to stop you and ask about how you’re feeling, you might start to cry or be overcome by feelings of sadness.  Sometimes you might switch back and forth between sadness and irritability or frustration with others. 

The things you used to love to do don’t seem fun anymore.

Do you find yourself thinking, “I just don’t care anymore”?  Oftentimes, the things that used to make you happy or bring you a sense of peace or joy lose that power.  It can feel like there’s nothing you really want to do, or it takes too much energy to do things you used to love.  You might notice yourself spending less time with people and avoiding social situations.

You’ve noticed your weight fluctuating significantly.

It may be that you feel as though you’ve lost your appetite, and you have a hard time feeling any desire to eat, which causes you to lose weight.  Or, on the other side of the coin, you could be eating more and having more cravings for carbs or sweet foods, which may cause you to gain weight.

You’re sleeping a ton, you feel lethargic, and you’re tired all of the time.

Another common symptom of depression is sleeping longer than normal, taking a lot of naps during the day, or having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.  You might feel lazy or tired all of the time.  You may have lethargic movements and speech, in a way that is noticeable to others as well.  Has anyone pointed these things out to you? You could also notice fatigue without any apparent cause.  You might find normal daily tasks, like getting up, showering, or cooking a meal, to be too exhausting to complete. 

Insomnia feels like a familiar friend.

If you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night, waking up early without being able to fall back to sleep, or having trouble falling asleep at night, depression could potentially be the culprit. 

Others tell you that you seem jumpy, and you feel restless.

Your restlessness could show up as fidgeting, pacing, or being unable to stand still.  Likely, people around you may have noticed some of these things and mentioned something to you before.  

A core belief you hold about yourself is that you’re worthless, or you’re consumed by feelings of guilt.

You might notice constant feelings that you have no worth or value, which can feel true even if they aren’t based in any facts.  Guilt over past mistakes or wrongs could be haunting your day-to-day thoughts.

You have a hard time focusing, remembering things, or making decisions.

You might walk into a room and forget what you’re looking for.  Or you can’t read a book or keep your mind on a task for more than 5 minutes at a time.  A simple decision, like what to make for dinner, can sometimes send you into such a tizzy that you feel unable to do anything. 

You have thoughts about death, and sometimes even suicidal thoughts.

There can be a wide range of suicidal thoughts: it can start with wishing not to not be alive any longer and worsen to seriously considering or planning a suicide attempt.   If you are experiencing thoughts or plans of suicide, please call 911 immediately or drive to your nearest ER facility.

Do any of these symptoms sound familiar to you?  If four or five of them sound true, it may be time for you to consider seeing your primary care physician or a therapist to help you decide if you’re experiencing clinical depression.  Your healthcare provider can support you and help you make decisions to take care of yourself.  You are worth receiving care and relief from your pain.

The Curious Difficulty of Letting Go

This past summer, my family held a garage sale, which is often quite the production.  Between my parents, my sisters and I, we have 4 separate households from which to sort through overstuffed closets and forgotten storage cabinets, hoping to find hidden treasures to add to the sale pile.  I’m often surprised by just how much stuff we’re able to produce from those parts of our home we barely think about.

One of my contributions to the sale was a Keurig coffeemaker. I loved it when I first received it.  But over the years, it had gone through some wear and tear.  Coffee brewed from it didn’t taste as good, I could only use filtered water in the tank, and I had to reset the clock settings often due to a frequently tripped fuse in my home.  I also noticed I had started drinking coffee less often, replacing it with a newfound love for tea.

Once, that Keurig was my lifeline.  Working early mornings with small children created a serious need for coffee. But as I entered into a new career, I used it less and less until it just became another piece of stuff to sell in a garage sale. That coffeemaker sat on my counter for over a year with me barely using it before I realized it was time to give it up. 

This makes me think about how we cling not just to these material items, but also to relational patterns, distorted thoughts about ourselves and our world, and defense mechanisms we learned in childhood that help us cope.  Oftentimes, we start these behaviors or thought patterns because they work – they ease our pain or anxiety.  They serve us in some way or another, meeting a need or a desire that we have difficulty fulfilling in a healthy way.

Before we know it, these habits become ingrained in our minds or in our daily practice and can develop into codependent relationships, depression, anxiety, addictions, or any number of difficulties in our lives.  We can often look at these patterns and know they cause problems, but they can feel familiar and safe after being used for years.

In a different season of life, we needed these thoughts or behaviors to cope.

Think of a child who is physically abused by her parents when she speaks up to protect her brother from similar harm.  We might expect that child to learn to stay silent and spend time alone in her room, avoiding interaction with her family.  As she gets older, she may make herself feel better by turning to food, sex, perfectionism, or alcohol.  These behaviors might have provided temporary relief for her then, but if they continued to be her only source of coping into adulthood, they could easily become addictive or problematic behaviors.

Maybe you’ve experienced a similar story. As a child, you may have learned to do what you needed to do to find ways to deal with the pain.

But these thoughts and behaviors might be holding you back and creating problems in your present-day life.

As adults, we have the opportunity to choose a different path, letting go of the old behaviors and stepping into newer ways to cope.  Often, though, that process isn’t something that can happen overnight.

When I sold that hardly-used coffeemaker, it felt like I was cutting off an arm.  I could think of about 100 reasons why I needed to keep it, and I almost felt physical pain at letting it go.  But I needed to clear it out, to have more physical space and declutter my home.

If this is how I felt about a piece of junk I barely used anymore, how much more difficult is it to let go of the unhealthy ways we’ve dealt with pain in the past?

Sometimes, giving these up feels impossible.

Many times, these behaviors and thoughts are based on past experiences that are no longer threatening us now.  It is important to learn how to let go of those things that are causing more frustration, pain, or harm than they’re worth.

But we can’t let go of these life patterns without filling that space with something different.  We need to learn to adopt new behaviors and thoughts that fit in our current season of life.  We need to get rid of the things that take up that mental and emotional space in order to make room for things like healthy self-care, more accurate views of ourselves and our world, and restored relationships.

What thoughts and behaviors are you clinging onto that helped you at a different season of life, but need to be let go of now?  

Now I don’t think about my Keurig much.  I’m in a season where I drink coffee once every few days, avoiding the caffeine because I know how it affects my anxiety.  I still find comfort in wrapping my two hands around a warm mug, but typically it’s filled with tea.  While this material example is minor compared to changing old coping patterns, it’s reminding me to let go, to create space in my mind and heart for the things that I need in the season I’m in right now.

How to Brighten Up Cloudy Days

Have you ever had those days where nothing seems to go right?  I had one recently.  I woke up early one morning with full intention to do some work-related writing.  Instead of starting work right away, I spent an hour on my iPhone playing games and reading articles on Pinterest.  When I finally did get up to start my day, I sat down at my computer and got distracted by more articles on Pinterest and in blogs.  Once I finally forced myself to write, I was only able to finish an outline for an article before I felt discouraged and “needed a break.”

I felt disappointed in myself that morning, as I couldn’t check much off my to-do list.  As I moved on to the rest of my day, I thought to myself – how in the world do I cheer up after this?

Here’s a few thoughts that came to mind for ways to boost my mood.

Listen to Upbeat Music

True confession: I love boy bands.  One Direction and N’Sync are my pop idols of choice.  For me, putting on a 1D album will almost instantly change my mood.  In fact, a 2012 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology indicated that listening to upbeat music with the intention to boost your mood can cause you to feel happier.  Find whatever music is your favorite and put on a CD or radio station that plays it!  If you’re in search of ideas, I like flipping through Spotify’s mood playlists, like Mood Booster or Confidence Boost – even without a self-made playlist, you can still find some positive tunes.

Give Yourself Credit for the Good

When I reflected on my morning, my first instinct was to see all the things I did wrong, ways I procrastinated, or work I didn’t accomplish.  But, in reality, I did plenty of positive things.  I had time for meditation and Scripture reading in the morning.  I prioritized my to-do list and completed my top 3 tasks for the day.  I showered (that counts, right?)  David Burns, in his book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, identifies a distorted thought pattern he names “disqualifying the positive,” in which people can tend to believe negative thoughts or assumptions about themselves, but discredit any positive beliefs.  If I look at my day through the lens of everything I did wrong, of course I’ll feel discouraged.  But giving myself credit for those things I did will give that lift to my self-confidence.

Get Outside in Nature

There’s something about looking at beauty that makes it hard to focus on the negative.  I spent some time that afternoon sitting out in the backyard with my niece, basking in the sun and watching birds and squirrels.  We even saw a baby deer!  One evening earlier in the week a friend and I watched a giant cloud pass to the south of us, heat lightning flashing in the outline of the cloud.  It was absolutely beautiful.  Research shows that spending time in nature (or even viewing it from a window!) can have positive effects on mood, focus, and health.  Use the beauty you see to connect you back with a sense of awe and gratitude for the world around you.

Talk it Out 

A conversation with a friend can be an instant pick-me-up after a rough day.  There’s something powerful about knowing you’re not alone in the world.  Everyone has bad days, and having someone to sit with you in the middle of yours can make a huge difference.  Having a close network of friends has been shown to help people recover from depression. Give your friend a call, send a text, or even send a quick email to ask for encouraging words.

Give Yourself Permission to Take a Break

So you had a terrible morning trying to accomplish something that you couldn’t finish.  So the dishes are piling up in your kitchen, the crumbs have formed a layer on the kitchen floor, and you can’t remember the last time you wiped down the stove.  So your to-do list is a mile long and just keeps getting longer.  When you’re exhausted and overwhelmed to a point where everything feels like too much, it is okay for you to take a break.  Sit down, sip a cup of coffee, read a book, watch a quick YouTube video or TV show – whatever you love doing that refreshes you rather than drains you, give yourself a half-hour to do just that.  By giving yourself a short break with intention to return to your work afterwards, you’ll come back refreshed and ready to go.

On that day, did I remember to do these things?  Maybe not as much as I would’ve liked.  But when I have another discouraging day in the future, I’ll remind myself to return to some of these ideas and make them happen.