Have you noticed the trend recently in popular fiction where thrillers are becoming all the rage? Books like Gone Girl and Girl on the Train have become increasingly popular. A common element in many of these novels is the “unreliable narrator.” At some point during first-person point-of-view novels, there’s a twist that clues us in to the fact that the narrator may be filtering the truth in such a way that works to their advantage or tells their side of the story. This plot device adds an additional layer of mystery to the text as we try to figure out what’s true and what isn’t.
When have you realized that what you believed was true was wrong all along?
We tend to filter our experience through our beliefs about people and the world around us in a way that twists reality and leads us to doubt what we know to be true. It can start with one mistaken belief or critical comment. Before we know it, that statement grows into an internal voice that leads us to filter our beliefs through this new lens. In depression and anxiety, this is particularly common, as these disorders add an additional filter to our thoughts that twists them to be even more inaccurate, becoming what psychologists call “cognitive distortions.”
What is a cognitive distortion?
Wikipedia summarizes well a definition of cognitive distortions as “exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that are believed to perpetuate the effects of psychopathological states, especially depression and anxiety.”
I think of it like the fun house attraction at those traveling fairs that rolled into town in your childhood. Typically they featured mirrors that distorted your body shape and size. This is a fitting picture of how our thoughts filter through these different lenses of reality and twist our beliefs into cognitive distortions.
Common Cognitive Distortions and Their Antidotes
While there are several different types of cognitive distortions, here are a few of the most common ones I’ve seen with depression and anxiety. Alongside an example of each, I’ll provide an antidote (some ideas to try if you notice these are the filters you default to most commonly) and an adaptive thought (an example of a shift in thinking in response to that distortion).
All-or-nothing thinking happens when we believe that only two extremes exist, with no room for gray area in between. We think in terms of good or bad, right or wrong, pass or fail.
Example: “If I do poorly on this test, that means I’m a failure.”
Antidote: Make room for the gray in your life. We all make mistakes or do things poorly, but there are likely plenty of positives in your life as well. Think in terms of better and best instead of right and wrong.
Adaptive Thought: “One bad grade doesn’t disqualify the other good grades I’ve gotten or the hard work I put into studying.”
Overgeneralization occurs when we take an isolated event and expect that all other similar events will happen in the same way.
Example: “What’s the point of going out on dates? The last guy I dated didn’t call me back after the first date, so why should I expect anything different?”
Antidote: Recognize that each situation you experience is unique. If you believe this pattern exists, look for examples to disprove that pattern.
Adaptive Thought: “So that last date didn’t work out? We must’ve not been the right fit. The next guy I date might be a better fit for me.”
Jumping to conclusions involves assuming we already know how others will perceive us or how a situation will play out.
Example: “My friend didn’t say hi to me at church the other day – I must’ve done something wrong or offended her.”
Antidote: Reality check that assumption by either asking the other person if your belief is true or think of alternative explanations for what happened.
Adaptive Thought: “My friend might’ve been caught up in a conversation and didn’t see me at church, so it makes sense why she wouldn’t have said hi.”
Personalization is the belief that everything that happens around us is a direct response to something we have done or said. This can lead to taking too much responsibility for how others respond to us, or worry that we’re being judged.
Example: “This party is so awkward – it must be because I’m so awkward and I’m ruining the night for everyone.”
Antidote: Set an internal boundary: affirm that you are not responsible for the thoughts and reactions of other people. What are some other reasons for the situation?
Adaptive Thought: “This party is kind of awkward because we don’t all know each other yet. Maybe I can start up a conversation with someone new or suggest a game to play!”
“Shoulds” involve thinking that we “should” do things a certain way, and if we don’t, it is a poor reflection on us or our character.
Example: “I should be exercising 5 days a week and if I’m not, I’m lazy.”
Antidote: Search for the source of that belief (family, friends, media, school, church, self) and explore why it has such an impact on you. Give yourself freedom to say “no” to it. Frame your decisions as a choice of what you want to do instead of “should” do.
Adaptive Thought: “I’d like to exercise more. I can choose to go for a run this afternoon.”
Emotional reasoning takes place when have a certain emotional response to our circumstances and come to accept that feeling as truth.
Example: “I feel ugly, so it must be true.”
Antidote: Remind yourself that emotions are changeable. Look for evidence that stands in direct contrast to the beliefs those emotions are telling you.
Adaptive Thought: “Even though I feel ugly, I know I’m feeling worse than usual today because I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I know those emotions will pass.”
